Have you ever felt life was helpless? Have you ever lost all hope
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Have you ever felt life was helpless? Have you ever lost all hope? Have you ever wondered weather God had abandoned you, leaving you to face this world alone? I have. Who am I? My name is Antonio. It means gift of life. I am now an orphan. No mother, no father. My parents passed away, leaving me at nine years of age, along with my sister Rita.
My mother died of a disease. I don't even know what it was called. Her death tore us apart. Life was different after her death and it was difficult for us to move on. There were some, like my father, who were never able to accept it. This pain causing him to die, leaving his two children behind. Both of our parents are now gone. No one to turn to, because the rest of the family turned their backs on us. They've never really accepted us.
Thinking that both parents dying in the period of a year was the worst to possibly happen to little boy like me, but no, life got even worse. My sister and I ended up in the streets of Brazil. Lying there, sleeping during the day and begging at night. But all the begging never got us anywhere. People didn't even have enough for themselves, let alone enough for someone else.
The streets were horrible and scary, especially at night. You will never know how dangerous it is, till the danger strikes you. I remember that night ...
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Thinking that both parents dying in the period of a year was the worst to possibly happen to little boy like me, but no, life got even worse. My sister and I ended up in the streets of Brazil. Lying there, sleeping during the day and begging at night. But all the begging never got us anywhere. People didn't even have enough for themselves, let alone enough for someone else.
The streets were horrible and scary, especially at night. You will never know how dangerous it is, till the danger strikes you. I remember that night so clearly. The night my sister got raped. Picturing him stripping off her clothes, with no mercy, while his friend held me. I felt so helpless. I couldn't help her. I couldn't save her.
As a result, she ended up pregnant. At the age of eleven. I remember her crying to me. Crying to her little brother. Telling me her life was over. She told me she could never have this child. She was only a child herself. Abortion was illegal in Brazil, but my sister felt as if she had no other choice. I begged and pleaded with her, but she only answered, 'What do you know? Do you know what I'm going through?' I couldn't answer her. My sister, like other young women in Brazil, died as a result of an illegal abortion.
This was when I knew I was on my own. Often, I asked myself, was life actually worth living? Was there any point, any point of me being alive, striving for survival? You may have wondered how I got to where I am right now. I think it was God. But I'm not sure. I always thought God was ether with someone, or not. Sometimes I thought he was with me, and other times, I felt alone. Would god actually allow his child to suffer? I don't know.
I survived by picking out of garbage cans, picking out things I could use, including food. I also stole from tourists. I know it was wrong, but how could you blame me? What else could I have done? My mother had always raised me never to steal. And I never stole, until she left us and I had no other choice.
This is the town I live in, Shanty Town. Lord, what kind of town is this? No water, no sewage, no electricity. Shanty Town, where violence, sicknesses and death are part of our daily lives. For young women, like my sister, born into this area, their only choices of survival without education are prostitution or domestic jobs. Us children, generally left alone, where we are often abused, raped, go hungry, or live in the streets. Some of us are nabbed and shoved into the trunk of the van. Some were murdered and cut open for their organs, especially eyes, lungs, hearts and livers. Their unwanted bodies were tossed outside the walls for community cemeteries. Others were sold. How could you sell another human being? For we are all priceless. Life itself is worth more that silver and gold. Isn't it?
Here am I right now, staring into the sky, tears being dislodged from my eyes. I ask myself, Is there a future ahead of me? Is there something waiting for me? Is there any help? Who knows? But as I go off into this endless sky, to fall, or to fly.
Abiola Adeogun
