Britain’s Best? 2
“Yeah boy, ahhh, this is the life,” said Talkan stretching lackadaisically. Talkan slipped on his shoes, unzipped his bivi door and clambered out, like a WAG stumbling home after a night up town. Talkan’s eyes flickered around the lake. The caliginous mist lingered over the glistening, icy blue water like an anaconda strangling its prey. The ball of flame was beginning to wake up and disperse the frosty curtains of the clouds. It was a good weekend. Nothing the first night or second day, but on the third night, at about eleven o clock, he wrestled with a twenty nine pound mirror carp, caught at about 160 yards just in front of the island. Talkan went back inside his bivi to collect his blanket which he wrapped around himself to protect him from the choking wind that had just lashed around the lake.
Talkan whipped out his phone and pushed the tiny thing to his red, beetroot ears.
“Hi, this is Kemmsley, sorry I can’t get to the phone right now, please leave a message after the beep and I’ll try to get back to as soon as I can. Cheers, bye.” Talkan hung up.
“I can’t believe he’s not up yet! It’s four in the afternoon! He’s probably shagging some Polish bird again… dirty bastard.” He reluctantly packed away his fishing gear and slowly swaggered up the steps towards his car. Once everything was inside he got in and revved his engine. As soon as Talkan left the car park his car stalled and would not start again.
Word count: 550
“O for fuck sake man!” he shouted at the car, but no matter what he said the car would not budge.
“You’re as stubborn as the Mrs.” Talkan said with a vindictive tone. He looked around and his mouth opened to the size of a catfish’s.
Beaten By the Bubble 3
Thud! …Thud! … Thud! …The Arklikes were pummeling the dome like a battering ram on the gates of a castle. They resembled humans in everyway apart from their glistening white eyes, which contained no pupils, and their singed hair that looked like they had had a fight with a flamethrower. Their eyes flickered to each other. A groan echoed throughout the area. They turned to their master. A few of the bigger Arklikes seemed to gaze at their master for eternity and then slowly retreated from the dome, back to where the experiment happened.
The Master slowly walked among his followers as they plugged themselves in to recharge, ready for this evening’s hunt. Only the Master’s most trusted kin sauntered with him.
“We have succeeded in eliminating all forms of transport Master rendering the black eyes useless.” The Master nodded and turned to another Arklike.
“There are a few pockets of resistance left but we expect all remaining black eyes dead by the morning.”
“That is good news. After that we can concentrate on the bubble. Return to your charging stations, we need you to be at least ninety percent strength by the night.”
“Yes Master,” they both burbled in unison. They hurried away to their own charging stations and plugged themselves in. The Master gazed out of a nearby, blood smeared window, before retiring into the shadow.
Angler’s Assignment 4
Talkan clambered out of the car. He trod lightly as not to disturb the naked human in front of him.
“Hello?” enquired Talkan quizzically, whilst gazing at the naked human’s pearly white eyes.
“You created us black eye bzzzzzzttt… tortured us…now it is our turn bzzzzzzztttt,” said the naked human.
“What do you mean? Who are you?”
“We are the Arklikes!” screeched the naked human. “Created by you as mere slaves bzzzzt…If I had enough power I would kill you black eye… bzzzztt tell me black eye, have you any? Bzzzzzttt.” The naked human exploded. Blood engulfed everything in a one hundred meter radius. Strands of flesh dangled off Talkan’s beard like stalactites. Talkan blew blood bubbles for a while before saying, “Ok…That was weird.”
Talkan fiddled around in his pocket as his phone rang. The sound of Guns and Roses echoed around the desolate area. Wiping sinews off his already dirty fishing clothes, Talkan answered it.
Word count: 989
“Yeah Boy?”
“Shut up son and listen. You might be the only human left on the British Isles and we haven’t got long,” ordered Corporal Butcher down the phone.
“We know you didn’t go to work this weekend…”
“I was ill Sir, honest,” Talkan butted in.
“Do not lie to me you worthless piece of shit! We know you were fishing,” screeched Butcher.
“Erm…”
“Shut up and listen! We don’t know how you survived or why the Arklikes didn’t come after you and to be honest I don’t give a toss either. All I know is we need your help. Have you noticed the bubble yet?”
“What bubble Sir?” said Talkan
“Look up,” said Butcher. Talkan craned his neck up and looked at the strange sky that looked like gazing through crystal clear water.
“We’re sealed in,” exclaimed Talkan.
“That’s the plan yes. The UNSF commissioned the building of the for protection against nuclear war. I just never thought we would be trying to keep something in instead of something out…Have you encountered any Arklikes yet?”
“Do you mean the naked humans with the fucked up eyes?”
“That’ll be them.”
“One just exploded on me Sir. It said something about us creating them... and it kept calling me a black eye. Whatever that means. It looked like it had run out of juice and needed some more power; well that’s what it said to me.”
“Really? That is very interesting… We had suspicions they had been replenishing their powers. They weren’t meant to stay alive this long. We hadn’t foreseen this in the experiment.”
“What do you mean, they weren’t meant to stay alive this long? What experiment?”
“Never mind son, I’ll get my best boys to look at how they are replenishing their power and I’ll get back to you.”
“Okay Sir, what should I do now?”
“Well, we have dropped some supplies fifteen miles east of your position, your best bet would be to head there. There’s plenty of food, water and weapons located there. You shouldn’t encounter any Arklikes because our intelligence tells us that they very rarely come out in the day. However, they do send out regular patrols of the surrounding area so be on your guard. Also they have eliminated all forms of transport so you better be fit boy.”
“Yes Sir. What should I do once I’ve got there?”
“Full of questions aren’t you boy? You will wait for a phone call from us.”
“Okay Sir.”
“Well get going then, if it gets dark try and find some shelter and lay low for the night. That’s the only advice I can give you. Good luck.”
The Corporal hung up. Talkan stood in awe. A few days ago he had taken a few days off work to have a nice little fish. How things change. Now he could be the only man left in Britain.
Word count: 1470
