There are different reasons why a parent may emotionally abuse their child. It could be anger towards themselves misdirected onto their child. Or, their negative behaviour may be caused by the trauma of their own past experiences of an abusive childhood. Another reason may be that they have learned bad parenting from others, or that they simply misunderstand their child, like believing that their baby cries to annoy them. Emotional abuse of children occurs in all kinds of families, but particularly where there are additional stresses on the family. Adult mental health problems, domestic abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, marital break-ups and family disputes are common stressors. All can leave a parent unable to behave or respond appropriately to their child’s emotional needs.
Emotional abuse can affect a child from infancy, through adolescence, and into adulthood. It can setback a child’s physical development; for example, tense meal times can affect a child’s eating. It can hold back a child’s mental development, such as their intelligence and memory, and put a child at greater risk of developing mental health problems, such as eating disorders and self-harming.
It can hamper a child’s emotional development, including their ability to feel and express a full range of emotions appropriately, and to control their emotions.
It can put a child at greater risk of developing one or more behavioural problems, such as:
- learning difficulties
- problems with relationships and socialising
- rebellious behaviour
- aggressive and violent behaviour
- anti-social behaviour and criminality
- self-isolating behaviour (making people dislike you)
- Negative impulsive behaviour (not caring what happens to yourself).
A parent’s behaviour is central to a child’s development. If a parent’s negative behaviour towards their child is severe and persistent, it may indicate that a child is being emotionally abused. You may also notice a difficult relationship between a child and parent: a fearful, distant or unaffectionate relationship may indicate a problem.
Signs of emotional abuse may also be present in a child’s actions. A child should be able to understand and express a range of emotions as they grow older. Similarly their mental capacities, such as intelligence, memory and speech should be normal for their age; as should their behaviour. It takes a lot of training to understand if a child’s development is not where it should be. However, if you think a child’s emotions, mental capacities or behaviour seem very different from other children of the same age, it may indicate an emotionally abusive relationship with a parent.
According to , Sexual Abuse of children or adults includes any sort of unwanted sexual contact perpetrated on a victim by an abuser. Molestation, incest, inappropriate touching (with or without intercourse), and partner or date rape are all instances of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse also occurs if one partner has agreed to a certain level of sexual activity and another level is forced upon her (or him) without prior explicit consent being given. Sexual abuse is often coupled with physical abuse (or threat of physical abuse) and emotional abuse. For instance, pedophile child molesters will often threaten harm to their victims or to someone or something their victim cares about in order to compel that victim's silence about the sexual abuse or to convince the victim that he or she “asked for it” in some way. Difficult to detect drugs like Rohypnol (known as "Ruffies" on the street) may be put into the drinks of date rape victims (a form of physical abuse) to make them pliable and easy to rape.
The signs and symptoms of sexual abuse are:
- Being overly affectionate or knowledgeable in a sexual way inappropriate to the child's age
- Medical problems such as chronic itching, pain in the genitals, venereal diseases
- Other extreme reactions, such as depression, self-mutilation, suicide attempts, running away, overdoses, anorexia
- Personality changes such as becoming insecure or clinging
- Regressing to younger behaviour patterns such as thumb sucking or bringing out discarded cuddly toys
- Sudden loss of appetite or compulsive eating
- Being isolated or withdrawn
- Inability to concentrate
- Lack of trust or fear of someone they know well, such as not wanting to be alone with a babysitter or child minder
- Starting to wet again, day or night/nightmares
- Become worried about clothing being removed
- Suddenly drawing sexually explicit pictures
- Trying to be 'ultra-good' or perfect; overreacting to criticism
According to , child sexual abuse involves persuading or forcing a child to take part in sexual activities, or encouraging a child to behave in sexually inappropriate ways. Sexual abuse can be very difficult to identify. However, there are steps you can take to help keep a child safe from sexual abuse and to protect a child if you suspect, or discover, that they have been abused.
Child sexual abuse includes:
- sexual touching of any part of the body, clothed or unclothed, including using an object
- all penetrative sex, including penetration of the mouth with an object or part of the body
- encouraging a child to engage in sexual activity, including sexual acts with someone else, or making a child strip or masturbate
- intentionally engaging in sexual activity in front of a child or not taking proper measures to prevent a child being exposed to sexual activity by others
- meeting a child following sexual 'grooming', or preparation, with the intention of abusing them
- taking, making, permitting to take, distributing, showing or advertising indecent images of children
- paying for the sexual services of a child or encouraging them into prostitution or pornography
- showing a child images of sexual activity including photographs, videos or via webcams.
Acts of child sexual abuse are committed by men, women, teenagers, and other children. Sex offenders are found in all areas of society and come from a variety of backgrounds. Significantly more men than women sexually abuse children; however, female sexual abuse is under reported and is sometimes not recognised as abuse.
Contrary to the popular image, abusers usually seem quite normal to others; friends, relatives and co-workers often find it hard to believe that someone they know has abused children. They are more likely to be someone that the child knows, like a relative, family friend or person in a position of trust, rather than a stranger.
If the abuser is another child or young person, the abused child may be very confused about their feelings and may rationalise, or be persuaded, that what is happening is ‘normal’. A child may not say anything because they think it is their fault, that no one will believe them, or that they will be teased or punished. The child may even care for an abusing adult – they will want the abuse to stop, but they may fear the adult will go to prison or that their family will break up.
Very young children and disabled children are particularly vulnerable because they may not have the words or the ability to communicate what is happening to them to someone they trust. The causes of sexually abusive behaviour towards children are complex and not fully understood. As well as the abusers' sexual urges and willingness to act upon those urges, other factors may be involved: power and control issues, traumatic childhood experiences, and troubled families. Child sexual abuse can also be motivated by money, as it is in the case of child prostitution and pornography.
Effects
Children who have been sexually abused may show a variety of signs and symptoms, including:
- aggressive behaviour, sleep problems, bed-wetting or soiling
- problems with school work or missing school
- risk taking behaviour during adolescence
- becoming sexually active at a young age
- Promiscuity.
For a few children these effects may be relatively short-term, depending on the individual child, the nature of the abuse and the help they receive. However, for many the effects can last into adulthood and cause a long list of problems, especially mental health problems and drug or alcohol misuse.
In addition to the effects that sexual abuse may have on a child, you may also notice other warning signs, such as a child who:
- suddenly starts to behave differently
- thinks badly or does not look after him or herself
- displays sexually inappropriate behaviour, including use of sexual language and sexual information which you would not expect them to know
- has physical symptoms that suggest sexual abuse – these can include anal or vaginal soreness or an unusual discharge, and pregnancy
- avoids being alone with a particular family member
- fears an adult or is reluctant to socialise with them
- tries to tell you about abuse indirectly, through hints or clues
- Describes behaviour by an adult that suggests they are being ‘groomed’ for future abuse.
You should also be alert to any adults who pay an unusual amount of attention to your child, for example:
- giving your child gifts, toys or favours
- offering to take your child on trips, outings and holidays
- seeking opportunities to be alone with your child
According to , Sexual abuse is the third most frequently reported form of child mistreatment (10% of all cases). Experts believe that sexual abuse may be the most underreported type of abuse because of the secrecy or "conspiracy of silence" that so often characterizes these cases. A generally accepted definition of sexual abuse is that of a child involved in sexual activity for which consent cannot be given, is outside of the victim's developmental age, is unable to comprehend, and/or "violates the law or social taboos of society." Examples include fondling and any form of genital, anal, or oral-genital contact with a child that is unwarranted. These acts may occur whether the child is clothed or unclothed. Non-touching child sexual abuse would include exhibitionism, voyeurism, and the involvement of a child in prostitution or pornography. What factors predispose a person to child abuse?
Specialists evaluating an abused child's environment and family background have noted several risk factors for potential abuse:
- The abuser's childhood: Approximately 20% of offenders were themselves abused as children.
- The abuser's substance abuse: Children in alcohol-abusing families are nearly four times more likely to be mistreated, almost five times more likely to be physically neglected, and 10 times more likely to be emotionally neglected than children in non-alcohol-abusing families. Of all child-abuse cases, 50%-80% involve some degree of substance abuse by the child's parents.
- Family stress: The disintegration of the nuclear family and its inherent support systems have been held to be associated with child abuse.
- Social forces: Experts debate whether a presumed reduction in religious/moral values coupled with an increase in the depiction of violence by the entertainment and informational media may increase child abuse.
- The child: Children at higher risk for abuse include infants who are felt to be "overly fussy," handicapped children, and children with chronic diseases.
Specific "trigger" events that occur just before many fatal parental assaults on infants and young children include an infant's inconsolable crying, feeding difficulties, a toddler's failed toilet training, and exaggerated parental perceptions of acts of "disobedience" by the child.
According to , Neglect occurs when a person fails to provide for the basic needs of one or more dependent victims he or she is responsible for. Basic needs include adequate and appropriate food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, and love or care. The idea of neglect presupposes that the neglectful person is capable of being responsible in the first place. For example, it is neglect when an employed parent fails to care for their child adequately. It is still neglect when a parent is unable to provide for their child despite their best efforts due to extreme poverty or illness, but the neglect is perhaps mitigated by the circumstances. Neglect can only happen to dependent persons. For this reason, it most typically involves children or dependent elders who are not taken care of properly by their families or caregivers.
Signs and symptoms of child neglect are:
- Constant hunger
- Poor personal hygiene
- Constant tiredness
- Poor state of clothing
- Emaciation
- Untreated medical problems
- No social relationships
- Compulsive scavenging
- Destructive tendencies
What does the term child neglect include?
Child neglect is the most frequently reported form of child abuse (63% of all cases) and the most lethal. Neglect is defined as the failure to provide for the shelter, safety, supervision, and nutritional needs of the child. Child neglect may be physical, educational, or emotional. The assessment of child neglect requires the consideration of cultural values and standards of care as well as the recognition that the failure to provide the necessities of life may be related to poverty. Physical neglect includes the refusal or delay in seeking health care, abandonment, inadequate supervision, expulsion from the home, or refusal to allow a runaway to return home. Educational neglect includes the allowance of chronic truancy, failure to enroll a child of mandatory school age in school, and failure to attend to a special educational need. Emotional neglect involves a marked inattention to the child's needs for affection, refusal of or failure to provide needed psychological care, spousal abuse or parental substance abuse in the child's presence, and permission of drug or alcohol use by the child.
What more can be done to prevent child neglect?
As children's advocates, we wish to remind parents about the importance of preventative child health care, including:
- Proper use of car seats and seat belts;
- Consistent use of helmets for bicycling, skateboarding, and skiing/snowboarding;
- Pool and water safety;
- Firearm safety;
- Preventing community violence; and
- Poisoning prevention.
Who abuses children?
According to the statistics, the majority of perpetrators of child mistreatment (77%) are parents and another 11% are other relatives of the victim. People who are in other caretaking relationships to the victim (for example, child-care providers, foster parents, and facility staff) account for only 2% of the offenders. About 10% of all perpetrators are classified as non-caretakers or unknown. In many states, child abusers by definition must be in a caretaking role.
An estimated 81% of all offenders are under age 40. Overall, approximately 61% of perpetrators are female, although the gender of the abuser differs by the type of mistreatment. Neglect and medical neglect are most often attributed to female caretakers, while sexual abuse is most often associated with male offenders.
Why are children physically abused and/or neglected?
Parents who abuse their children may love them very much but not very well. The most prevalent reasons for child abuse and neglect are:
- The parents were abused as children and lacked a successful model of parenting and family life.
- Immaturity, the absence of parenting preparation skills, and a lack of understanding of child development often result in the creation of unrealistic expectations for a child’s behaviour. When the child fails to meet these expectations, frustration on the part of the parent may erupt in anger toward the child.
- Abusing parents often feel isolated or keep themselves isolated from others. They may expect the child to satisfy their unmet emotional needs.
- Financial pressures, poor housing conditions, loss of a job and the inability to provide for the needs of the family can cause parents to feel overwhelmed and unable to cope.
- Alcohol and substance abuse compound the chances for loss of control and eruption of violent behaviour.
Why children are sexually abused and who are the abusers?
Those who sexually victimize children often suffer from an emotional or psychological dysfunction, usually as a result of their own previous sexual victimization. They often have severe sexual problems and difficulty relating to adults. Most are adults with whom the child is familiar, and they may repeatedly abuse the same child. An adult who is a stranger to the child will often abuse that child only once but may continue to abuse other children. Factors to be aware of include:
- The majority of child molesters are men who abuse both boys and girls. Women make up a small percentage o those who sexually abuse children.
- A large percentage of those who sexually abuse children were themselves victims of sexual abuse as children.
- The majority of all sexual molestation is committed by someone the child knows or trusts, e.g., a family member, relative, baby-sitter, neighbour or authority figure.
- Studies indicate that half of all child molesters are under the age of 31 and only about 10% are more than 50 years of age.
Risk factors for child abuse and neglect
According to , while child abuse and neglect occurs in all types of families—even in those that look happy from the outside—children are at a much greater risk in certain situations.
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Domestic violence. Witnessing domestic violence is terrifying to children and emotionally abusive. Even if the mother does her best to protect her children and keeps them from being physically abused, the situation is still extremely damaging. If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationships, getting out is the best thing for protecting the children.
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Alcohol and drug abuse. Living with an alcoholic or addict is very difficult for children and can easily lead to abuse and neglect. Parents who are drunk or high are unable to care for their children, make good parenting decisions, and control often-dangerous impulses. Substance abuse also commonly leads to physical abuse.
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Untreated mental illness. Parents who suffering from depression, an anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, or another mental illness have trouble taking care of themselves, much less their children. A mentally ill or traumatized parent may be distant and withdrawn from his or her children, or quick to anger without understanding why. Treatment for the caregiver means better care for the children.
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Lack of parenting skills. Some caregivers never learned the skills necessary for good parenting. Teen parents, for example, might have unrealistic expectations about how much care babies and small children need. Or parents who were themselves victims of child abuse may only know how to raise their children the way they were raised. In such cases, parenting classes, therapy, and caregiver support groups are great resources for learning better parenting skills.
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Stress and lack of support. Parenting can be a very time-intensive, difficult job, especially if you’re raising children without support from family, friends, or the community or you’re dealing with relationship problems or financial difficulties. Caring for a child with a disability, special needs, or difficult behaviours is also a challenge. It’s important to get the support you need, so you are emotionally and physically able to support your child.