I gently move him on from this sad era and I asked him about going into rehabilitation, and his recollection of when he decided he’d had enough. “I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide I needed help. For months, everyday, my only thoughts were how I could get money. I couldn’t hold down a job, I had sold everything of value, stole from my family and had no friends left. The worst part was I didn’t even like myself. I hated who I had become, but I still couldn’t do anything about it.” So how did he eventually get help I asked “My parents gave me an ultimatum. They had booked me into a clinic and, if I refused to go, then I wouldn’t be able live with them any longer and I would have to leave. I couldn’t live with myself any longer and was just so grateful that the decision had been taken for me. Looking back now I guess it was the hardest thing they had ever had to do, but they were desperate – I can see that now.”
At this point Alan scratches in his pockets and pulls out his tobacco tin and starts to roll a cigarette. His hands are shaking slightly and I notice how nicotine stained his fingers are. I wryly note how he’s been able to kick illegal drugs but he’s still needs the nicotine fix.
I’m concerned about asking Alan to relive all these painful memories but, he reassures me he’s fine and wants to carry on. I ask him about his time in the clinic and he says it was one of the scariest moments of his life. After having been on drugs for so long he wasn’t sure if he could live without them, or if he could manage the withdrawal symptoms as he’d heard so many stories about how bad it could be. He says the first few days were the worst but, being with other people who were in the same situation helped to bond them together and support each other. He spent three months in the clinic, but as the time drew near for him to leave the old fears returned. “It was safe in the clinic, with no temptations. The daily routines of cleaning his room, having regular meals, attending counselling sessions and talks all helped to fill his days and gave him some sort of structure, something he hadn’t had for years.
While Alan had been at the clinic his parents had sold up their home and moved to a new suburb. They felt they all needed a new start and clean break, where Alan could start again without his past haunting him with familiar faces and places. As Alan said “I started to look forward to leaving the clinic and starting again and really felt motivated. My parents had put everything on the line for me and I didn’t want to let them down.”
Alan had dropped out of school with no qualifications so his job options were fairly restricted, and having been on drugs from such a young age, it had left him with a limited concentration span and short term memory loss. He’d been told that this wasn’t irreversible but it would take time to repair. As he says “I’d brought this on myself but at least I had the hope that if I stayed clean it would get better.”
His first job in 5 years was in the kitchens of a busy restaurant in Newcastle washing dishes. “It was hard work and the hours were lousy but the guys in the kitchen were great. I’d been really nervous when I first started, and I’d decided to be honest at the interview and tell the manager of my past. I thought they would look down on me but they didn’t, and really understood and treated me with respect. After a few months I started helping out the chefs prepare some dishes, and I suppose it was from this I realised I enjoyed cooking and wanted to train as a chef.”
As Alan is talking, his face lights up and I can see the passion in his eyes. His voice becomes more confident and self assured. When I ask him how he feels about himself now he smiles and says, “It’s taken a while but now I like myself. I had lost the respect of my friends and family, but the worst was losing respect for myself. I felt worthless. Now, people at work depend on me and that makes me feel good. I’m not a nobody anymore and people listen to me and ask my opinion. I have my own place, a good job as a head chef, and I’ve made some good friends who like me for who I am. But the best thing of all is that my parents now have a son they can be proud of.”
I ask Alan what was the hardest part of the last two years, and surprisingly he says, it wasn’t getting off the drugs, or finding a job, it was rebuilding relationships with his family and making new friends. He’d become so disconnected from life that even holding a conversation was just so hard for him to do. As he says “I get on better with people four or five years younger than me and that’s probably because I stopped growing emotionally while I was taking. It’s getting easier though, as I take more interest in what’s going on around me.”
As I get up to leave I feel I want to hug Alan but I shake his hand, thank him for his time and wish him well for the future. He’s staying behind at the drop in centre to talk to a group of local high school pupils. He wants them to learn from his mistakes.
I walk away with a feeling of hope. There’s been so much press coverage about drug addiction and the lives it destroys that we need, once in a while, to hear about the ones that do conquer their addiction and go on to have happy and productive lives. We all need to have hope.
Questions
Why did you start taking Cannabis
How did it make you feel?
How old were you?
Why / How did you progress onto other drugs?
Did you know you were hooked?
How did it the drug taking affect your family?
Did it affect any other relationships you had?
When did you realise you needed help?
What were the firs few days in rehab like?
How did you feel once you were back out into society / was it difficult to fit back in?
How do you feel about it now you look back on the last couple of years?
What if any regrets do you have?
How are your relationships now?
Research Material
MENTAL HEALTH, BRAIN FUNCTION, AND MEMORY
It has been suggested that marijuana is at the root of many mental disorders, including acute toxic psychosis, panic attacks (one of the very conditions it is being used experimentally to treat), flashbacks, delusions, depersonalization, hallucinations, paranoia, depression, and uncontrollable aggressiveness. Marijuana has long been known to trigger attacks of mental illness, such as bipolar (manic-depressive) psychosis and schizophrenia. This connection with mental illness should make health care providers for terminally ill patients and the patients themselves, who may already be suffering from some form of clinical depression, weigh very carefully the pros and cons of adopting a therapeutic course of marijuana.
In the short term, marijuana use impairs perception, judgment, thinking, memory, and learning; memory defects may persist six weeks after last use. Mental disorders connected with marijuana use merit their own category in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) IV, published by the American Psychiatric Association. These include Cannabis Intoxication (consisting of impaired motor coordination, anxiety, impaired judgment, sensation of slowed time, social withdrawal, and often includes perceptual disturbances; Cannabis Intoxication Delirium (memory deficit, disorientation); Cannabis Induced Psychotic Disorder, Delusions; Cannabis Induced Psychotic Disorder, Hallucinations; and Cannabis Induced Anxiety Disorder.
Above article taken from:-
Health_Concerns: WHAT ARE THE MEDICAL DANGERS OF MARIJUANA USE?