Congruence is an important part of counsellor’s input into contracting, for the person centred counsellor, empathy and the establishing of your self as a trustworthy person can seem overriding.
As a counsellor we are often very sensitive to our client’s pain and vulnerability and want above all to alleviate it. This can sometimes lead the counsellor into to agreeing to something that actively gets in the way of the therapeutic process, often without even been fully aware.
For example my potential client is determined she doesn’t not want to talk about her past relationships; this may cause myself as the counsellor to rush into reassuring my client. This could cause difficulties, because later on in the relationship, my client may well start to talk about her past relationships, this could cause conflict for the me as the counsellor, because, I may well feel worried, if I should intervene? Will my client blame me for letting her carry on? Have I agreed to be responsible for my client not going into her past relationship?
If this were to happen I had not thought though the initial agreement and had realized the reason for it I would them revisit the contract with my client.
Middle
The middle stage of the relationship: Development of Intimacy.
The working alliance is now built and the client is feeling secure enough to reveal some of themselves this can be a difficult stage to deal with emotionally as the client may well be coming to realize that their self concept self is been challenged by their organismic self and this in turn could cause upset and turmoil for the client.
This middle stage of therapy is often called the working through stage and often involves choosing, implementing, and evaluating new strategies for coping with the clients old problems. As they work through the therapy process counselors generally help their clients sort out what they can change. During the middle stage of a counselling relationship the counsellor will help their client clarify their thoughts and feelings regarding their personal history, as well as current behaviours and relationships.
This middle stage may well make the client feel that they are not in control as they could well be exploring and discovering for themselves who they really are, this may well not be what they wanted to bring to the counselling session. It is very common for clients to be confused and struggle and for the counselling relationship to encounter some tension as some troubling issues are explored. When a client exhibits inevitable tension and mixed feelings that accompany their efforts to change, the counsellor must be supportive with the clients struggle and also tentatively challenge their client to try new things. The counselor’s abilities to use their own intuitive self with their client are essential in this therapeutic process as are the counselor’s capacity to handle their client’s responses.
As the client continues to experiment with new ideas in the counselling sessions as well as away from them, continue interaction with the counsellor helps to continue to define and redefine the client’s progress. By collaboration focus of the counselling enables the client to learn for themselves to resolve their own fears, confusion dilemmas, and s so expanding their behaviour range. This emerging evidence of beneficial changes helps move the counselling relationship on to the end.
Ending of the relationship
The counsellor needs to prepare their client for the ending of their relationship, it is not just about sitting back and waiting for your client to make a decision to end the relationship, by doing this causes problems, for example if you did this it would ignore the power imbalance between you and your client. A client maybe waiting for the counsellor to make the first move or would probably expect the counsellor to make a decision about their progress.
Also by just sitting back it again ignores the fact that you as the counsellor are part of the relationship so the counsellor’s perceptions and wishes are not taken into account.
Some clients maybe hesitant about raising the matter of ending their relationship with their counsellors, because they are waiting for their counsellor to give them permission to end, or they maybe worrying about offending their counsellor by suggesting that they no longer need to come to an more sessions, these are just 2 of many possibilities Client often approach this matter obliquely by saying “ I am feeling so much better now” or they may give clue the want to end the relationship, by missing or been late for sessions, or wanting to leave early. If the counsellor ignores the hint the client may well just not turn up for the sessions, so leaving the counsellor with many questions of her own.
After reading further, it seems that approximately a third of the total duration of the client - counselling relationship constitutes the ending phase and the counsellor must be alert to the signals which may well indicate that their client is ready to talk about wanting to draw their work to a close. What is important to remember is this not about finishing immediately, expect in very short-tem relationships, both the client and the counsellor will need time to make the ending a suitable one.
A lot of the clues given by clients are in fact the same material which makes a good ending. It is the counsellors job to recognize the significance of these clues and if, the client is not doing so himself, raise the matter of the ending. As counsellors we may well find that our clients being to reminisce about the relationship b saying “Do you remember that time when…” or my review their own progress by saying “I am feeling so much stronger now than when I first came.” By reminiscing the client is disengaging themselves from the relationship. This again is the key for the counsellor to listen and hear what their client is saying and the possible meanings from their communications and therefore responding to them appropriately.
As a counsellor we may also have similar reminiscing, celebrating the changes and acknowledging that the future will holds it own challenges for our client. It may well be difficult for our client to voice or express sadness or regret or to say anything they may not have found helpful in the relationship, as a counsellor you might invite these kind of disclosure.
Once each person knows the counselling relationship is coming to an end such thoughts occur and can be voiced. There seems to be naturally occurring process of reviewing and considering the relationship and the work once it is agreed that the counselling relationship is to be terminated. This does not mean that all the time is given to the ending, as the much of the therapeutic work still continues, but as the ending approaches the balance of time shifts from the client’s inner world to reminiscing, reviewing, consolidating, and helping the client to look forward to the future.
Ending a Session
The ending of a session is an anxiety of mine, as I might come to end of a client- counselling relationship leaving the client feeling awful. To some extent there is no getting away from that, as I understand that the process does not simply stop because the client leaves the counselling room. In fact there is often a significant movement between the sessions; it is as though counselling offers a series of nudges to the process rather than the whole.
I feel when ending a counselling relationship we need to continue to show empathy as I have realised that by helping clients focus on particular times, events and people helps our clients to become more fully in touch with their experience to feel their feelings as well as recollect the events. It follows then, that moving away from the particular to the general may well help your client leave behind their own rawness of their experiences and be prepared to go back into everyday life.
As the ending approaches the counsellor will discontinue from focusing upon “opening up” or deepening areas of the clients experiences, but instead will be very mindful that the client will shortly be leaving their counselling session.
As a counsellor move from the specific to the general doesn’t mean forgetting about the clients feelings but in contrast to the early part of the session, it does mean however trying to avoid the “sore spots” If your client had brought with then in a early session an issue about their father attacking them, the counsellor may well be seeking to have a fully understanding and deepen their clients experience may well say “As though would were frozen by the severity of his attack”. If the client were to say the same towards the end of the session, the counsellor may well say something like - “It’s be a tough week for you hasn’t it”
If your client bring up new material in the ending stages of a session the counsellor may respond b saying “That sounds like a really big area to explore and I am very aware that we only have 10 minutes left” or they may say “I really want to respond to that but we are close to the end of the session, can we come back to that next week?”
Sometimes clients can be overwhelmed with emotions, the counsellor would reassure their client that they are coming to the end of the session, and they now need t leave that subject behind for now. Usually the client with respond to this kind of prompt, but very occasionally a client may be so deeply experienced that the counsellor needs to be more proactive. If the client expressions of grief and pain are connected to their past events, clients usually maintain an aware of themselves in the presents. However occasionally this awareness recedes so far that a client may relive his/her past in the counselling session. If a client is in this state he/she will therefore take on the mannerisms of themselves at an earlier stage of their life, often as a child. If your client is in this state the counsellor must allow enough time for their client to come back from this place and back in the their present.
