7:16pm
Just turned the radio on again after tea. News flash: ‘First nukes have been sent into Iraq by the Americans’, now we just have to wait for the answering attack from the Iraqis. I want to go home. If an attack comes I want to be with my family, I want to die with my family. We’ve been told that going home is impossible as all the roads have been blocked since this morning. Mum and Dad are stuck at home while I am stuck in school. It’s hard trying to stop the tears from falling as I realise the inevitability of a nuclear bomb falling tonight.
10:26pm
We’ve just had a meeting. Apparently all the schoolhouses have cellars underneath them and as attack seems imminent tonight we’re to sleep in them. We’ve been told to take three sets of warm clothes and a few valuables but we can only take a tuck box each and everything has to fit into them as there is limited space. Why did we have to get involved with this war? Why wasn’t Saddam Hussein killed when we had the chance?
11:18pm
I didn’t realise that we were this prepared for war, there are water tanks down here which won’t be contaminated by fallout dust, huge cupboards filled with tins and packets of dried food and candles hung from the ceiling to give us light when the electricity goes. Sleeping arrangements are quite basic, bunks double stacked against the walls with a big gap underneath for our tuck boxes. There is no heating down here as in an attack the electricity would certainly be cut off but we were told to bring our duvets and pillows with us so we should be quite warm.
Tuesday 5th November
1:54am
The bomb has just hit. We could feel the earth moving even if we couldn’t see anything. It’s getting quite hot down here so we can only assume that a fire has broken out in the house above us. Everyone is silent, many are crying quietly into their pillows, but others just sit and stare with unseeing eyes at random points on the wall. Tears run down my face as I think about my family, questions flash through my brain but I try to avoid thinking deeply about them, as there is no possible way of knowing the answers.
2:47am
Most of the others have drifted off to sleep now, probably hoping that when they wake this will all have been a dream. How can they sleep? More and more disturbing thoughts are coming to me; I can’t keep them all out. The heat is still quite intense and many are sweating heavily, either from the heat or from their thoughts.
7:36am
After all that I must have fallen asleep for a couple of hours as last time I looked at my watch it was 5:20am. Everyone is very pale and most cheeks are tearstained, a few girls have started crying again almost as soon as they woke up. I have no more tears to cry. I can’t put my feelings into words; they are too deep, too personal even for a diary.
3:13pm
There is nothing to do down here. The light is not sufficient to read and it’s very hard to write. I slept through the morning and many others have done the same. We’ve heard nothing since the first attack but the heat has gone and it seems to be getting much colder. Anyone out of her bed is shivering and many have curled up tightly keeping even their heads under the covers. It has just been announced that the candles will be put on once every two hours to allow people to go to the ‘loos’, two chairs with buckets underneath them, which you then have to empty into a deep pit with a cover on top. Even so, it is beginning to smell down here. Not showering plus the sweat caused by the heat last night has made a lot of us smell and the loo system really doesn’t help.
Wednesday 20th November
10:37am
It’s impossible to know whether it is day or night. However my watch has a date on it and from this we can work out how many days have passed. It’s over two weeks since the attack, and as far as I remember that is the recommended time that one stays inside after nuclear bombing to allow time for the fallout to settle. Food and water have been severely rationed for the last few days, what looked like huge amounts of food in the cupboards was actually only stacked two cans deep and when it was divided between forty people it became hardly any food at all. The stench is hardly bearable now, the pit into which all of our waste is emptied is nearly overflowing and some are beginning to vomit because of the smell.
4:19pm
Mrs Daplyn, our housemistress has decided to take the risk of opening one of the doors which leads to the outside world. As she does a rush of freezing cold air rushes in and everyone crowds around her looking out onto the destruction that used to be the village of Felsted. Through the dust we could see people clambering across the debris in an attempt to find food. Then some one shouts to be allowed to go out and see others have survived the bomb.
Thursday 21st November
9:31am
We have all been thrown out. A knock on the door of the cellar early this morning brought the glad news. Having heard that we all survived in our cellar the local officials have taken it over to use as their base. We are now homeless, we were told to take all of our belongings but the small amount of remaining food was confiscated for official use. Bollocks to that. The cupboard with the remaining food in was padlocked shut, but that didn’t stop us from breaking down the door and dividing the food between us, then we all legged it before the officials came back and arrested us for stealing government property. Serves them right, the selfish bastards, the food was bought for us what right do they have to take it from us.
3:17pm
I have spent the day trying to go home, but I am totally disorientated by the complete destruction that surrounds me. Trying to follow the roads that would have lead me home three weeks ago is like trying to follow a car going at 50mph when you are on a scooter going at 3mph.
4:42pm
I think I have reached the Essex Showground but I am not sure, as it is hard to see further than twenty metres around you. I am determined to find my house before night but I am so tired and weak that it is difficult to keep moving my feet and I stumble at almost every step.
7:59pm
I am frustrated beyond words; I have fallen and have no energy to move. I must spend the night here, luckily I brought my duvet with me and although it made it almost impossible to move at least it keeps me warm now.
Friday 22nd November
12:56pm
I have found my house, recognisable only by the burnt out garage with the two cars in and the layout of the rooms. Nothing inside has survived. I found Mum and Dad in each other’s arms, together even in death. They died in the fire; both burnt almost beyond recognition. The sight of them paralysed me for a moment, and suddenly the tears fell, the first tears since the night of the attack. I don’t know how long I stood there, tears streaming down my face, as I realised that I am completely alone, there is no chance really of me finding any other relatives. Suddenly there is no point in life; there is nothing to live for. The idea of finding my parents has kept me alive but now that hope is gone.
Wednesday 25th December
9:56am
Christmas Day. What is Christmas? What does it stand for, the happiness I remember from last Christmas seems a million miles away, a vague dream in this land of desolation, where hope is no longer a word and happiness doesn’t exist.
