The development of the international economy in the period 1945-2000 favoured rich countries at the expense of the poor. How far do you agree?

Review of essay

Rating: 4 star(s)

Response to the question

This is a good essay with a crystal clear understanding of the concept of the international economy and an impressive range of factual knowledge, but would benefit from a better structure. The student makes a good attempt at answering the question, and they do cover both sides of the argument, which is good as it shows that they are thinking widely and are not being narrow-minded and only talking about the side they agree with. However, the essay's structure makes it difficult to find where one side of the argument ends and the next side begins. It would be better to put a new point in a new paragraph, start it with a word like "Furthermore" or "Moreover" (which the student does do, but not often enough), and then when it changes to the other argument, start a new paragraph with a word like "However". This would make it really clear to the examiner that the student can organise their ideas, and fully understands the need to address both interpretations.

Level of analysis

The factual evidence in this essay is largely good. For example, the student is aware of several international organisations, such as the IMF, which is good as it shows they aren't just saying something vague like "Some groups helped the international economy" - they are saying exactly which ones. They could improve further by giving the full, unabbreviated name of the IMF - the International Monetary Fund - at the start of the essay as it would demonstrate they have precise knowledge. (It is fine to use the shortened version after this, for convenience.) Use of precise numbers is also good - saying "$6m Common Fund" is better than saying "a Common Fund with lots of money", as the student is showing that they understand $6m is a large amount, and therefore that the Common Fund was significant. However, it is important to always be as accurate as possible with factual knowledge: for example, in the introduction, the student says "1st world developed countries (DCs) like...Western Europe". Western Europe isn't a country, it is a region, and if the student had picked out some particular examples of developed Western European countries in the period (such as the United Kingdom or West Germany), it would have showed that they have both precise and accurate knowledge.

The conclusion to the essay is good as summarises some of the points already made - such as Bretton-Woods - then uses this to reach an answer to the question, which is good as it shows the student can look back over what they have written and make a decision on which factor is most important. The student is right to pick out the most important factors and rank them in order (such as when they say "More importantly..."): this shows that they have the evidence and understanding to make a judgement on what was more of an influence on the international economy and what was less of an influence.

Quality of writing

At some points, the student uses language inappropriate for an essay: for example, "last but not least" sounds informal, which is not suitable for an academic essay on a serious subject. The student also needs to be careful in the wording of their essay: "in specific" should be "specifically", and such errors make the essay harder to read. However, the spelling, grammar and punctuation are largely excellent, which is good as it means that the examiner does not need to waste time working out what the student means.