To what extent did the nuclear arms race make the world a more dangerous place in the years 1949-63?

Review of essay

Rating: 3 star(s)

Response to the question

This is a good essay that responds well to the question and has some good factual detail, but would benefit from a better style of writing and more accurate knowledge. The student clearly understands the need to consider both sides of the argument - the idea that the arms race made the world more dangerous, and the idea that it made the world less dangerous. It is sometimes hard for students to understand that there is a strong argument that such a harmful thing as nuclear weapons made the world less dangerous, but this student clearly has a good understanding as they devote about a third of the essay to this idea (fifth paragraph), showing that they are thinking widely about it rather than having one opinion. This is also reflected in the fact that they make frequent use of words such as "arguably" (such as "The arms race arguably made the world a more dangerous place..."), which is good as it shows they recognise that in history everything can be interpreted differently depending on your argument.

Level of analysis

The student is clearly knowledgeable about some aspects of the nuclear arms race: for example, they correctly point out that Russia successfully tested a hydrogen bomb in 1953, and the use of the precise year is good as it shows that the student recognises the whole period was not the same and there was change over time. They also show a good understanding of concepts such as "brinkmanship" and an impressive knowledge of the technology used. In the third paragraph this borders on telling a story rather than an explanation - examiners are looking for facts with explanations rather than description. Some of the other factual detail is inaccurate, such as saying that increased nuclear spending was to impress the Third World. While there is a connection between the Cold War and the Third World, this student makes it sound as though it is the only reason for increased nuclear spending, which it isn't. It would be better to say something like "The increased spending, in part to impress the 'third world'...".

The student is right to make judgements like "...the different personalities of both sides can be a minor factor..." because it points out that one factor could be seen as less important than another. This is good as it shows that the student has the knowledge to assess several factors and use their judgement to see which is less important in answering the question. The essay's conclusion is good as it summarises the argument, pointing out key ideas the student has already referred to, such as the Cuban missile crisis. Using words such as "however" in the conclusion reminds the examiner that the student is aware of alternative interpretations.

Quality of writing

It would be better for the student to say "Russia" rather than "the Russians" (and so on), as this sounds informal and out of place in a serious academic piece. The student should also be careful that their writing makes sense: the last sentence of the second paragraph should really be part of the previous sentence, as it sounds broken and out of place to start a new sentence here. Errors like this seem minor but they make the essay harder to read: it would sound much more appropriate and academic if it was proofread.