DatingDirect.com? sounds like a winner to me!
>>Stigma...
Wednesday, college over i head into a meeting with our Students Union. Being Vice President for my campus, I decide to exploit my position and do a little research...
" Ok guys, before we get started, theres a couple of things id like to ask you. Firstly, what do you think of people who use Online Dating? second..."
"SAD!" interruptes my General Secretary, his comments subsequently being echoed around the room. Predicting where this is going, i drop the second question and move on to the meeting. Maybe this is a little risky, if i get caught using online dating, will the stigma's attatched to being a part of it get the better of me?
With sheer determination, and the risk of handing in my coursework late, I give a mighty roar and run into the abiss.
Being very pink, you can easily see that datingdirect.com is aimed at the female gender. Looking arounds the site i notice that this isnt just a place to meet 'potentials' online, its also a place to arrange to meet lots of 'potentials' at hormone filled parties! I read the comments and feedback section of the website, 12 out of 14 i read were positive comments and were clearly not made up.
So, to sign up, or not to sign up....
Letting out an allmighty sigh, i type in my details and hop on the dating locamotive. I hope my girlfriend doesn't see this...
"In order to get the best results from datingdirect.com members, you should write a little about yourself and display a photograph."
This is the fun bit. Seeing the need for a recipe of love, I construct a blog which explains who i am, what i do etc. With a little sugar and spice thrown in for good measure. Then i chose a good photo, spent 15 minutes attempting to work out how to get the bloody thing online, and voila! im officially "SAD!".
>>Dude Looks Like A Lady….
What do you get if you cross half a tonne of unrefined lard with Margaret Thatcher??! My first contact, that’s what. Its Monday morning, I’ve just got out of bed after 4 hours worth of sleep, wiped my eyes and done the 3 S’s (Shit, Shower, Shave). Log on to dating direct and nearly jump for joy! ‘One new message received’! However, there’s just one major problem. ‘In order to read your message, you must first become one of our many Premier Members. Our Premier Members get all the best of…….’ And so on. In the name of research, I key in my card details and submit myself to hundreds of SPAM mailing lists and crappy letters through my door.
My newfound friend is named Sarah, according to the post on my message board she’s ‘20, blonde and well shaped. A bit of a Nymphomaniac and always up for anything!’ and she invites me to take a look at her profile. Click the link and….. Holy Crap! She’s Huge! Maybe I should take things into my own hands.
>> Pick A Date, Any Date….
Tuesday, and after the usual half arsed day of college, I return home with my heart set on a mission: To find myself a date who does not have to turn sideways to fit through my bedroom door.
Handily, Dating Direct make this very easy, with their massively comprehensive search system. This baby has all the vitals a man needs, from Number Of Children to an option that finds people within 10 miles of your house, like cupid… only electronic!
I choose my criteria and search for ‘Females under 20 within 15 miles of NG52BE’. Dating Direct weren’t kidding when they said they had a lot of members, with all that criteria set, I still manage to find 764 members that match my specifications. Sod cupid, this site is the new god of love!
>> Pleasure Pain Theory….
It’s true what they say, pleasure is always linked with pain. I get the pleasure of laughing at a fat chic attempting to hit on me, while feeling all the pain of the cost of being a premier member, £24.99. I get the pleasure of viewing all the photo’s of lots of very busty and very fine ladies, all the time receiving the pain of seeing all the not so nice ones, not to mention the endless porn pop ups.
After going through my search results like a fine comb through knotted hair, I find myself with 32 girls that take my fancy and 2 real honeys that I wouldn't mind 'logging on' with. Now to compose a little message that will have them all falling at my feet in lust!
Considering I got home at 3.45, whilst also considering it is now 11.32PM, it’s clear that this whole electronic dating game is oh so slightly addictive. Time for some shut-eye, I log off after sending out my post and shut down.
>>Easy Skanking (we love you Bob Marley)…
Wednesday, and I get through the door of my 4 Bed house and receive a warm welcome. “Washing you needs doing you lazy arse” flatmate Fran pipes up. My reply is a mere “screw you” as I pace up the stairs to my PC.
Seething with anticipation, I log onto Dating Direct. 25 new messages??! Whoa! Now that’s a result!
“You seem really nice, we should hook up sometime”, says Tina.
“Sounds great! I Love the photo, you wanna chat some more?” That’s Kerry.
“Arrw, you’re so sweet! Can’t believe you own a spice girls album!” Some random person who likes to talk rubbish. Honest.
I pick the two i like the sound of most, and arrange to meet up. After a few minor teething problems (one major flaw of the website is that links can lead you just about anywhere, not necessarily where they say they'll lead you), we confirm a date in Nottingham in a weeks time.
>> One week (and a bit) later….
DatingDirect.com got me laid. Twice. In one week. So, Can We get laid through online dating? Damn straight we can!
But is it worth it? After paying £24.99 I was lucky to get some responses in the first month. If I hadn’t, I could of ended up paying similar amounts every month. They also charge for placing pictures on your profile. Not only that but sign up and expect spam to invade your inbox like America going to war with.... well.... anyone.
At the end of the day though, is it really worth spending all that time infront of your monitor and spending all that money?. It really isn’t difficult to pull in a bar if you know what you’re doing and you are confident about it. My advice? Get a girlfriend and get laid every night! Otherwise, Stick to the clubs, and stick to the bar. Stick to eying up that hotty at the other end of the dance-floor, and when she comes up to buy a drink, stick to not asking her if she ‘comes here often’. MS
