Bilogical aggression

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Non Contact Lesson                                                        Thursday 11th March 2010

Relationship Breakdown

Discuss two or more theories explaining the dissolution (breakdown) of relationships (e.g. Duck)                                                                                                       (25 marks)

Relationship dissolution refers to the process of the breaking up of relationships (friendship, romantic, or marital relationships) by the voluntary activity of at least one partner. Such a definition excludes such eventualities as bereavement and refers to the conscious and intentional ending of relationships. Nonetheless, there is some dispute about the nature of "intentionality" and whether to include those relationships that end simply by default (e.g., friends who drift apart and purposely just let their contacts drop off) or incompetence (e.g., inability of one partner to be supportive or disclose or to handle intimacy). It does not deal with friendship breakup, because this happens largely by (one of) the parties just allowing the relationship to wither on the vine. In romantic or marital relationships, such neglect is not normally enough to end relationships and they must typically be declared to have ended not only by the activities of the partners themselves but also by some formal action recognized by society at large, such as divorce or separation. Such declarations render both partners "available" again for similar sorts of relationships with new partners.

For some people, relationships are difficult because they lack the interpersonal skills to make them mutually satisfying. Individuals lacking social skills have difficulty maintaining a conversation and showing an interest in other people. Overall they are unrewarding in their interactions with other people (Duck, 1991). This is then perceived by the other person as a lack of interest in relating. Hence, leading to a breakdown in a relationship before it’s properly took off. In addition, according to the social exchange theory (Thibaut and Kelley 1959), people look for rewards in their relationships, one of which is ‘stimulation’. Therefore, we would expect the lack of stimulation would be a cause of relationship dissolution. Evidence suggests that this is the case. The lack of stimulation (i.e. boredom or a belief that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere) is often quoted when ending a relationship. (E.g. Baxter, 1994). People expect relationships to change and develop, and when they do not this is seen as sufficient justification to end the relationship and begin a new one (i.e. have an affair). There are clearly some circumstances where relationships become strained simply because partners cannot see each other enough. Going away to university for example, places a great strain on existing relationships, and is often responsible for their breakdown (Shaver et al., 1985). While enduring romantic relationships can be strong enough to survive the pressures of decreased daily contact, it is evidence that for many this is not the case. These are the three main factors that Duck (1999) concluded were the reasons for the termination of a relationship: lack of social skills, lack of stimulation and maintenance difficulties respectively.

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However, Duck didn’t take into account gender differences. Research suggests (Brehm and Kassin, 1996) that, women are more likely to stress unhappiness and incompatibility as reasons for dissolution, whereas men are particularly upset by ‘sexual withholding’. Also, Akert (1998) found that women have a greater desire to maintain the relationship as friends after they have broken up whereas men want to ‘cut their losses’ and move on. In relation, Boekhout et al. (1999) showed how extramarital affairs might be a direct reaction to the perceived lack of skills and/or stimulation in the current relationship. As most relationships end due to ...

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