Relationships may begin in situations where people have no choice but to interact with each other or in situations where there is freedom to associate or not. Similarity is the match between two people’s interests, attitudes values and background, this can fuel the development of a relationship based on proximity. Newcomb (1961) found in a college housing study that students with similar in background, attitudes and values formed friendships. This is because people perceive those who are similar to them as attractive because this validates their own self worth and the assumption is that people with different views have negative personality traits. People expect people similar to them to like them therefore are more likely to initiate friendship. Individuals are most attracted to and become more involved with individuals that share similar backgrounds, educational levels, beliefs, and values. But what about the theory that opposites attract? The principle of complementarity states that people are attracted to others whose traits or characteristics supplement or contrast their own. This is illustrated by the belief that outgoing individuals are attracted to individuals who are shy and reserved. A study done by Winch (1958; see PIP p. 695) thought that opposites attract and were happier. Statistics show that individuals in long-term, relationships prefer to associate with other people who are similar to them. Relationships in which people do not share interpersonal communication styles are frustrating and less likely to flourish as shown by the study done by Burleson, (1994 see Gross). Rosenbaum (1986; see PIP p. 695) found evidence to suggest that dissimilarity of attitudes reduces liking, but no evidence to suggest the other way round.
Physical attraction has been shown in studies to be a major determinant in liking at first sight. Regan and Berscheid (1997) found that both sexes rate physical attractiveness as the most important characteristic in determining desire of a sexual partner. Physical attractiveness is highly correlated with other desirable traits and this is known as the “what is beautiful is good stereotype”(Dion, Bercheid &Walster 1972 see Gross). The beautiful are thought to be more sociable, extroverted and more sexual, happier and more assertive, this stereotype appears to operate through cultures as both Korean and North American students agreed on this. Snyder, et al (1977 see Gross p.481) showed that when men thought that the woman they were talking with over the phone was physical attractive, they acted more warmly towards her and this in turn led her to act warmer, more confident and animated. Attractiveness is a potent variable at the beginning of a relationship however individuals tend to match on physical attractiveness. People notice physical appearance and tend to agree with each other over whether a person is physical attractive.
A meta-analysis by Feingold (1992 see PIP p.693) found that there seems to be a difference based on sex on the importance of physical attractiveness while both sexes value attractiveness men value it more than women. This is reinforced by the study done by Townsend & Levy (1990) which found that women prefer a well dressed unattractive man to a good looking guy in a burger king uniform and men prefer the opposite when judging women.
The social exchange theory states that how people feel about a relationship depends on what the think they will gain from the relationship i.e. rewards gained versus the cost of the relationship. People view their feelings for others in terms of profit, the greater the reward and lower the cost, the greater the profit hence the attraction (Homans 1974). Blau argues that the cost of interactions, time energy and commitment put in a relationship are expensive hence its worthwhile to get more from the relationship than put in. Whether a person stays in the relationship or leaves then depends on whether they believe they are getting the relationship they deserve or have a chance of having a better relationship with someone else.
The equity theory argues that people are happiest in a relationship in which the rewards and cost a person experiences and the contribution he or she makes are roughly equal to the rewards, cost and contribution of the other person. In order for the relationship to survive there needs to be balance of input from both. Equity theory is an improvement on social exchange theory and it seemed to predict satisfaction and liking in relationships, Walster et al (1978, see Gross, p.473). Relationships don’t become equitable over time and, equity doesn’t predict the stability or quality of relationship (Van Yperen & Buunk 1990). This means that people are happy in relationships if they give and receive love and not necessarily profit from the relationship. Some individuals would be happy to receive love in the relationship and this does not have to be more than they give.
Studies in interpersonal attraction have shown a brief insight into how relationships are formed. People available are those with whom there is a lot of contact and this is determined by proximity. Physical proximity reduces the cost of interaction as it’s easier to talk to someone near rather than long distance and repeated exposure can produce a more positive attitude. Looks do matter when it comes to forming a relationship. These factors then lead to love that can be passionate, compassionate or altruistic and developing long-term relationships and friendships. Interpersonal attraction is multi faceted and dynamic and the many types of close relationships vary along with the many factors involved. The satisfaction in a relationship and investment are critical to maintain and stabilize the relationship.
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Newcomb, T.M. (1961). The Acquaintance Process. Holt, Rinehart & Winston, New York.
Townsend ,J & Levy, G (1990) Effect of Potential Partners Physical Attractiveness and Socioeconomic Status on Sexuality and Partner Selection, Archive of Sexual Behaviour, volume19 number2 April 1990.
Van Yperen, N&Buunk, B. (1990), Longitudinal Study of Equity &Satisfaction in Intimate Relationships European Journal of Social Psychology 1990 20:287