- The social phase is when couples acknowledge the social repercussions for separating.
- The final phase, grave dressing, involves a more optimistic, and what seems to be a more objective, evaluation and remembrance
The first, intrapsychic phase, begins when one partner sees him- or herself as being unable to stand the relationship any more. This initiates a focus on the other's behaviour, and an assessment of how adequate the partner's role performance is. Also, the individual begins to assess the negative aspects of being in the relationship, considers the costs of withdrawal, and assesses the positive aspects of being in another relationship. Duck uses the term intrapsychic because the processes are occurring only in the individual's mind and have not yet shown themselves in actual behaviour.
The next threshold is when the individual considers himself or herself as being justified in withdrawing from the relationship. This leads to the dyadic phase, and involves the other partner. Here, the dissatisfied individual must decide whether to confront or avoid the partner. When this decision is made, negotiations occur about, for example, whether the relationship can be repaired and the joint costs of withdrawal or reduced intimacy. If the negotiations in this phase are unsuccessful, the next threshold is when the dissatisfied partner decides that he or she means the relationship to end.
This leads to the social phase, so-called because it involves consideration of the social implications of the relationship's dissolution. This state of the relationship is made public at least within the individual's own social network, and publicly negotiable face-saving/blame-placing stories and accounts of the relationship's breakdown may be given. Intervention teams such as family or very close friends may be called in to try to bring a reconciliation. Unless the intervention teams are successful, the next threshold is when the relationship's dissolution becomes inevitable.
This leads to the final grave-dressing phase. In this, the partners attempt to get over the relationship's dissolution and engage in their own post-mortem about why the relationship dissolved, a version of events which is then given to family and friends. Each partner needs to emerge from the relationship with an intact reputation for future “relationship reliability” purposes.
