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Paranoid Parenting: Obsessive Control over Children

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Running Head: PARENTING Paranoid Parenting: Obsessive Control over Children Sanjay Lalwani I.D. No.: 4339 Course name: English Composition II Course no.: ENG 121 American College Of Dubai Date of Submission: 05/04/2005 Abstract This report studies the effect of obsessive control over children. Nowadays, it seems that parents are too over-protective to their children. They place too much emphasis on eliminating possible dangers around their children even before they exist. Those kids face a difficulty in protecting themselves because they have never been given a chance to experience the wider world. Obsessive control over children produces an over-dependency within a child that emotionally handicaps them. Children must be free to overcome their frustrations, solve their own problems, and accept the consequences of their choices if they are to develop the emotional and mental strength required to succeed in school and in the community. This report uses vital information from recent books and websites on child rearing. Views of parents and suggestions of psychologists are also included. Paranoid Parenting: Obsessive Control over Children The behavior of a child grows in a patterned manner just as the body. Like the physical growth, behavior too is strongly influenced by the home and other surroundings in which the child grows up. While we all have a lifetime to develop varying aspects of ourselves, it is the childhood period that is the most important in acquiring many tools. The strongest and the longest environment to affect the child are the parents. Most parents consider it their responsibility as well as the privilege to provide the best possible environment favorable to child's physical growth. However, often they tend to forget about the behavioral aspect in a child's development. The more a parent knows about the changes that take place in a child's behavior when he grows up, the more successful they can be in guiding the child along the complicated path leading to maturity. ...read more.


Moreover, psychologists feel that by diminishing the children's capacity to deal with danger, overprotection could be seen to increase the risks they face. They say that overprotected children become emotionally handicapped because they are not "psychologically weaned" and have not learned to be independent. (Guldberg,2001) Physically challenged children Physically challenged children often receive special attention than the other children. But, the extra protection and love they are offered might be as harmful as it is for the other children. It will just make them think that they are fragile enough to face any challenges in life. In fact, they have certain disabilities, making them weaker than the other child. Hence, it is moreover important for them to be emotionally and psychologically very tough. They should be just treated as other children in all aspects, including responsibilities and discipline, and they shouldn't be reminded of their incapabilities. Responsibility is a vital preparation for independence in a child's life. "Discipline means providing consistent guidelines and expectations for behavior, with clear, immediate consequences." (MDA,2004) Over indulging The parents today are keen to get over indulged with their children's life. They will do their best to always see their children succeed and never face any kind of disappointment. But taking all the discomfort and disappointment out of development, especially while increasing pressure for success, turns out to be misguidance. With few challenges in all their own, kids are unable to forge their creative adaptations to the normal circumstances of life. That not only makes them risk-averse, it makes them psychologically fragile, riddled with anxiety. In the process they're robbed of identity, meaning and a sense of accomplishment. They lack in perseverance, which may not be just a moral virtue, but a necessary life skill. These turn out to be the spreading psychic fault lines of the twenty-first century youth. Whether we want to or not, we're on our way to create a "nation of wimps".(Morano,2004) ...read more.


Parents should ideally leave their children to find their own feet. The less the adult involvement, the more the children are likely to learn about each other and themselves. They should be left free to make their own judgments and mistakes. The quantity and quality of a child's friendships is a good indicator of her mental and emotional well-being. In all probability, a child who is shunned or disliked by her peers is likely to develop anxiety, self-doubt or some kind of disorder. (Dobson,2004) This calls for more respect than many modern people have: respect for children and respect for other cultures. Too often, we pretend we have a control on truth and wisdom, as if people from other eras and cultures had not been enlightened. We are living in the darkness of our own prejudice, into which we want to force the children. Many of us may like to call this "protection". But, it does not protect; it only limits and endangers. According to the psychologists, a good way of dealing with your child would be by reinforcements. The reinforcements may either be negative or positive. A positive reinforcement would be giving rewards for a good piece of work done by the child. The rewards may be praise, money, a treat or any such thing depending on the likes and dislikes of the child. Negative reinforcement would be taking away something the child likes in order to make him do something valuable. For example, grounding, loss of privileges, a cut-down in the pocket money are some of the common ways of this reinforcement. This could be really useful as children strive harder to reach goals they've set for themselves, and when they have their parents' support. (Morano, 2004) Parents must gain freedom from their fear and guilt about transferring responsibility to their children and allowing them to experience pain. As long as parents are bound in the cycle of overprotection, then their children remain hopelessly bound to them as well. The two are entangled to each other in a paralyzing interdependency that suppresses growth and development. ...read more.

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