The next chapter of my grandmother’s life commenced as she left home to attend the University of Michigan where she found herself exposed to a completely new world. Not only was she expected to be completely self-sufficient and independent; she was transported to a place where she found herself surrounded by thousands of students completely different from herself. Until her first year at U of M, she had never met a Jewish person, nor people of many other religions and ethnicities, which for my grandmother uncovered the exciting concepts of cultural differences. She was enlightened by new political ideas and as her first experience away from home college allowed my grandmother to soak up as much as she could from her college experience, both educationally and culturally. During college she began dating, but dating in her generation was much more formalized than it is now. There were very few casual relationships with members of the opposite sex, and most outings were dates planned in advance in a reserved setting. Girls were also much more passive during this era in general, and that showed through in dating and relationships as well. She feels that the friendships and dating that occur now are much better as far as people truly finding their match and building relationships.
The role of women seems “day and night” to my grandmother, compared to the opportunities women have today. Most women at this time only had the choice to go into teaching or nursing. In her husband’s medical school there were only four women in his class. Women lawyers were incredibly rare, women managers almost unheard of. Opportunities and respect for women and their role at home and in the workplace were vastly lacking. The drive to stay home with their children was, and remains strong. Although most women at this time went into nursing or teaching, my grandmother chose to get a degree in social work. As a student fresh out of college, my grandmother believed strongly in unions, which were not widely accepted among social workers. She began organizing the social workers into a union and was immediately fired, upon which she began working for a union, which at that time was a very liberal position.
At twenty-four, my grandmother met and eventually married Joseph Leo Whelan, the love of her life. They have been very happily married for 56 years. Their marriage has shown her the incredible value of a lasting good relationship. At 25, my grandmother had her first son Joseph, my father, and at 26, she gave birth to a daughter, Jenny. My grandmother feels that it is very, very important for one of the parents to stay home and raise the children. She herself was a stay at home mom and felt that being able to raise and instill values in her children was an integral part of her child rearing philosophy. My grandmother also felt that because of her parents being very over-protective with her she let her children have a little more free reign. Discipline was dealt with using an authoritative parenting style; she and her husband were firm but always talked things through with their children and were very aware and responsive to their feelings. Often she found it hard to put aside fears that her parents’ controlling nature left her with. She stayed home to look after her children but as she had done for many years continued volunteering her time at the Detroit Artists’ Market. My grandmother had recognized her love for the arts from an early age on but was still looking for the best way to express herself, and the volunteer work gave her a creative outlook that she would later substitute with writing.
The final and continuing chapter of my grandmother’s life came when she discovered her passion for and talent in writing. At the age of 60, she submitted a short story she had written and received an “O’Henry Award” which is one of the highest honors a short story can receive. Shortly after writing became her life. She focuses mostly on children’s chapter books with an emphasis on historical fiction. Her writing has become so much more to her than she ever imagined. Upon discovering her artistic outlet, she immediately knew it was what she loved and had been hoping to find. My grandmother not only writes for personal satisfaction but as a children’s author finds her career to be rewarding in terms of sharing her gift with others as well. She was thrilled to discover her enthusiasm for writing but wishes she had realized it sooner in life. Now at the age of 80 she is still extremely productive in her writing, with six books ready to be published in the next two years. Nowadays as my grandmother continues with her writing she finds herself somewhat taxed with her husband’s ailing health. Suffering very few physical deterioration or impairments herself, many of the adjustments and changes she found herself making were due to the deterioration of her husband in an Alzheimer’s-like fashion has been very taxing on her physically and mentally. Her walks through the woods of Northern Michigan have been cut short by her inability to leave him alone for very long, and caring for him is a full time process that she carries out in addition to her writing. The relationship stage of complete connection which her and her husband achieved make it easy for her to play the role of supporter, helper, and affirmer and the two of them work towards their common goal of ending their lives as happily and healthy as they can.
My grandmother and grandfather have kept a small group of extremely close friends, which she has found to be very rewarding as a social support group. The hardest part of getting older that my grandmother has found is seeing many of their close friends leave for the “great social circle in the sky” as she put it, but she found that working hard at keeping those who were important to her close to her was incredibly rewarding. The close friendships she maintained were the best support she ever found throughout her life. Friends that she kept close had many of the same values she did, or values she admired and aspired to obtain. Social support has also come from her family, a value that she obtained at an early age living with so many close relatives. Her entire family, two children, son and daughter-in laws and grandchildren all keep very close ties and provide frequent visits, phone calls, and e-mails to make sure that she is doing well. Although she a world-renowned writer and one would think her pride would lie mostly with her career, it is a true showcase of my grandmother’s character that out of everything in life she is proudest of her children. She is especially proud of her son (my father) Joseph who is an incredible parent to his two children. Being a parent has been an unparalleled and most rewarding experience, and she takes great pride in her children and grandchildren as well. Secondly, she is most proud of her wonderful 56-year relationship with my grandfather and the strength of their marriage. Taking a back seat to family and friendship, my grandmother is also very proud of the National Book Award that she won in 2000 for her book Homeless Bird. The award was an “exciting validation” of a continuing career in children’s literature.
The most prominent aspect of my grandmother’s life has been her faith. Beginning when she was young, she was impressed and influenced by her father’s faith and hope throughout the Great Depression. All of her decision-making has been guided by the hand of God, and she feels that her faith really formed her. She believes that choices we make and the path we chose are all part of God’s plan for us, mistakes and lessons are learned and we are so often blessed with that which we might not deserve to help us see his guiding hand. Her great faith has helped her realize the incredible benefits of aging; the on-going quest and acquiring of knowledge is a truly spiritual and nearly inconceivable process. As one grows older they gain massive quantities of life experience to draw on and become more cognizant of their faults, often utilizing the “looking glass self” which allows others to reveal their failings to them. Aging, my grandmother has found, ultimately leads to a greater sense of identity and self. My grandmother is truly the picture of generativity. Her concern for the next generation is very apparent in her writing as she tries to preserve historical evidence and present it to children through her fictional writing. She is obviously aware of the many ways in which she has been blessed and very sensitive to the wants and needs of her husband who now genuinely needs her support. She has reached old age and faces death with a sense of integrity; her faith has lead her through a satisfying and meaningful life. Although she realizes that she is reaching the end, she is celebrating the many gifts life has presented her with and is satisfied with what she has been able to offer to others.
The respect that I have for my grandmother is continually increasing, I do not know if I will ever be able to put into words how much of an idol she has served as for me in how I have shaped and the courses I have chosen in life. She has taught me the importance of a strong sense of self, how to value close friendships. She has shown me the wonderful support system and overall warmth family brings to one’s life. Her amazing faith, which guided her through hardships and times of joy, showed me the importance of self-transcendence and the relationship I would someday like to build with God. Her steadfast and strong relationship with my grandfather has re-emphasized the importance of finding a true life partner and developing a relationship where conflict can be overcome. In her telling me about the social development and self-discovery she achieved in college I realize the importance of maximizing my college career and truly finding what I am passionate about as early in my life as I can. My father is a wonderful parent and I see how having children and watching them raise their own children can become the most rewarding experience in a person’s life. I have inherited my passion for writing from my grandmother and I hope that someday I will be as skilled at using words to paint a picture is she is. The chapters of my grandmother’s life have enlightened me greatly, as a quote from Anton Chekhov suggests her writing inspires me to do the same, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”
