A good marriage and good household teaches the children of Muslim families the aspects needed to bee a good Muslim and servant to Allah. A good marriage also shows the importance of family to the children and so family is very important to Muslims to sub-stain good relationships and bonds with each other in which helps them to commit them selves to each other and to Allah.
(Hadith)
A household in which there is love, peace and security is considered to be valuable beyond price, and it does not come about by accident. It has to be worked for by all members, and requires a strong commitment to patience, forgiveness, tolerance, sense of duty and love. All these things are regarded as vital, and the key person in the household who sets the tone and does most of the work is undoubtedly the mother.
To be a good mother is so important in Islam that she is considered to be the most precious treasure in the world. Her role is the decisive factor in the family.
‘The best of treasures is a good wife, she is pleasing in her husband’s eyes, looks for ways to please him, and takes care of his possessions while he is away; the best of you are those who treat their wives best.’
(Hadith)
The father is expected to provide the means whereby all this can actually be achieved, to protect the home, and generally to make the mother’s role possible. The father is responsible for bringing in money, and therefore it is his duty, as far as possible, to be strong, respected and honourable. Just as the mother’s role involves far more than cooking and cleaning, the father’s involves leadership, responsibility, and duty, and an involvement in the world of economics, business, trade and commerce.
In a marriage, both the husband and wife are to be mindful of their duty to God and their responsibilities to one another in all aspects of their interaction.
' O mankind, be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate, and from the two of them spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty to God in Whom you claim (your rights) of one another, and towards the wombs. Verily, God is Watcher over you' (4:1)
Islam goes much further than setting the course of behaviour for husbands and wives. There are many statements in the Qur'an and the Sunnah that prescribes kindness and equity, compassion and love, sympathy and consideration, patience and good will. The Prophet goes as far as to declare that the best Muslim is the one who is best to his family, and the greatest, most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife.
Husband:
Islam does appoint the leadership of the family to men because in general they do possess a somewhat greater physical and emotional strength and endurance than women. For this reason, they have to be responsible for maintaining and supporting women. This does not only mean their wives and daughters, but also any other female relatives who may need help and support.
' Men are responsible for women because God has given them one more than the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). Virtuous women are therefore obedient, guarding in their (husbands’) absence that which God has guarded.'
(4:4).
The husband is expected to provide for the home i.e. he is responsible for bringing in money - this is his duty. The husband is responsible for the cost of his wife's food, clothes and accommodation. In addition to providing these material needs, a husband is to be considerate and concerned for his wife's welfare. There are many Hadiths of the Prophet, which prescribe kindness and consideration for women. They also advice Muslim men to treat their wives with honour and respect. The Prophet said that the best men are those who are best to their wives. He not only should avoid hurting her but also should bear with her even if she does something disagreeable.
Although women generally do the domestic work of the house, but Islam does not require them to do so, often it is because they are more convenient as men often go to work. A husband should help his wife with the housework like the Prophet did. Muhammad used to assist his wives, mend his own clothes and participate in manual work.
He should also meet his wife's sexual needs and reserve his sexuality for her only. It is very important that he handles the matter of sex relations with skill, care and understanding. He should not regard his wife as an object of his own enjoyment alone. If the husband does practise polygamy, then he must treat his wives equally.
Wife:
The wife is her husband's helpmate and companion. She is responsible for the household affairs and its members in terms of their physical and emotional well-being. She is generally the primary means of training the children, as she is the one who is usually in the household who usually looks after them. She should obey her husband unless he wants her to disobey God. As the previous Qur'an verse indicates, she's also accountable of her husband's property and possessions. She should look after her husband's money for him and spend it economically.
She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her husband and should try not to offend or hurt his feelings. The wife should try to be faithful, trustworthy and honest. She should not receive any strange males in her home without her husband's knowledge or permission. She shouldn't accept their gifts either without his approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy and suspicion. A wife must be faithful and devoted to her husband. She should reserve her sexuality exclusively for the man she's married.
The primary responsibility of the wife is to take care of the management of the household, which would include any meal preparation, house cleaning, cleaning, laundry etc. It is her task to manage them in the best interests of the family. But we have to bear in mind that although the wife generally does most of the domestic work, but this is not required by Islam.
As well as looking after the children, she should look after other relatives that live in the house, and especially of any elderly that live in the house.
Islam regards men and women in complete equal terms as the following Qur'anic verses show:
''And their Lord answered them: ' Verily, I will not allow the work of any worker, male or female, to be lost. You proceed from one another.' '' (3:195)
''And whoever does good, whether male or female, and he (or she) is a Believer, these will enter Paradise and they will not be wronged by so much as the groove of a date-stone.'' (4:124)
''And the Believers, men and women, are protecting friends to one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong, they observe regular salat and pay zakat, and they obey God and his Messenger. As for these, God will have mercy on them. Verily, God is Mighty, Wise. God promises the Believers, men and women, Gardens underneath which rivers flow, to abide therein - blessed dwellings in Gardens of Eden. And greater (than that), God's good pleasure: that is the supreme success.'' (9:71-72)
Because the nature of men and women are different, they are each appointed with different role and function: these roles are meant to complement each other.
Marriage in Islam is one of mutual respect, love and compassion. The husband is there as a friend and partner to share the wife's concerns, he is to cherish and protect her while a man has in his wife a companion and helper who can give him peace and comfort. They both will help each other through life's problems and struggles.
' They (wives) are your garments and you (husbands) are their garments.' (2:187)
Parents/Child:
Bringing up children is not an easy task. In particular the Muslim woman's role as mother is regarded as being of the highest importance, the most serious and challenging responsibility she could have. Islam acknowledges the immensity of the debt, which an individual owes to his parents, and especially to his mother. There are verses in the Qur’an, which support that.
' And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents: his mother carries him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Therefore show gratitude to me and to thy parents: unto Me is the journeying' (31:14, also 46:15)
' Say: ' Come, I will recite to you what your Lord has made a sacred obligation for you; that you associate nothing with Him (as partner in his divinity) and that you do good to your parents …' (6:151)
The following verse from the Qur'an tells Muslim children the type of attitude they should have towards their parents. Allah says:
'' Thy Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him and you be kind to parents. If neither or both of them reach old age with thee, do not say to them (so much as ) 'Uff!' nor chide them but address them in terms of honour, and out of kindness lower to them thy wing of humility and say, ' My Lord, have mercy on them as they cherished me in childhood' '' ( 17:23-24 )
The verse summarises how children should behave to their parents. Allah's command is clear, that Muslims should be dutiful and kind to their parents, they owe their parents this kindness and care. To Muslims, the idea of putting old people into ' homes ' and leaving them to die in despair and loneliness so that they don't cause a burden on their children is totally inhuman and selfish. When parents reach old age, it's their children's turn to take care of them. They should treat their parents with respect and honour and look after them. The children should be gentle towards their parents and should admit the mistakes they make towards their parents. At the end of the verse, Allah tells them to have mercy on their parents. Muslim children should pray to Allah to have mercy on their parents, to guide and bless them and forgive them for their mistakes. They should do their best to do well in the education in which their parents have provided for them. They should do their Muslim worship i.e. salat and zakat. There are times when children should not obey their parents, and that is if the parents tell them to disobey Allah. Allah says in the Qur'an that if their parents force them to worship anything else besides Allah then they are not to obey them but ' bear them company in this life with justice '(and consideration) (31:15).
The parents should do their best to ensure that their children receive a good education. Education is not only a right but also a responsibility of all males and females. It is very important to bring them up in the Islamic faith; parents have to ensure that their faith is not lost through their education. They have to make sure their children attend the madrasah where children are taught Islamic beliefs, how to pray, and how to read the Qur'an. This is especially important if the family lives in the West where their faith might not be practised in the Western schools. Prophet Muhammad said:
"Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every Muslim" (Muslim" is used here in the generic meaning which includes both males and females).
The parents should always deal with them justly and with love, they should always try to be fair. They should also help them, when they reach the age, to find them a compatible partner so that their children may have a good and happy marriage.
One of the most important thing is to train them in Muslim worship. They should begin learning prayer and fasting by the age of seven.
' He who has no compassion for our little ones, and does not acknowledge the honour due to our elders, is not one of us.' (Hadith)
