Rituals and preparations of an arranged marriage in Islam
Engagement: Does not qualify the future spouses to go out together, even if the parents consent. Man and woman become permissible for each other only after the performance of the Nikkah.
The Wali: A wali (guardian) of the bride is necessary to represent her in concluding the contract. The wali is a male relative who would be her guardian if, for example her father. However, if he is not available, a brother, uncle, grandfather etc. will suffice. If none of these exist then a Muslim ruler or judge, and if they do not exist then a leader of the Muslim community
Proposal: In Islam the process of proposal by a man to a woman for her hand in marriage, or to her family, is encouraged. Islam considers this natural, and recommends it as an act of respectability and dignity for women.
Mahr/Dowry: Mahr is a sum of money put in a trust for the bride, for circumstances if the husband and wife separate, or the husband dies. And the intending husband is asked to offer a Mahr to the bride. The Quran says, And give women their Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result. (Surah Nisa 4:4) There are certain conditions on mahr:
a) Mahr must be agreed upon by the marrying partners themselves, not by parents.
b) Mahr is her right, to which her husband remains indebted.
c) It is a free gift and not her price.
The Mahr may be cash. It can be paid up front or can be in form of promise to pay upon demands decided prior to the marriage. It can be paid at anytime, however, it is much recommended to pay it before or at the time of Nikah itself.
The Witnesses: At least two Muslim male witnesses are required or one male and two females - all of them having reached the age of puberty and being of good character.
The Nikah Ceremony: According to Shariah, the wife-to-be says “I have given away myself in Nikah to you, on the agreed Mahr.”
Immediately, the man (bridegroom) says, “I have accepted the Nikah.”
With these pronouncements, they become husband and wife.
If the marrying partners are not able to recite the formula in Arabic, one or two persons or priests are appointed and authorized to officiate. One who represents the bride would first seek her consent to officiate on her behalf, and so would the other who acts on behalf of the groom. Naturally, there would be a slight variation in the pronouncements, because the persons reciting them are appointees. A person who represents the bride would initiate by saying, “I give away in Nikah the woman who has thus appointed and authorized me, to the man who has authorized you, on an agreed Mahr.”
The groom's representative would respond, "I accept the Nikah on behalf of the one who has appointed me, on the agreed Mahr."
It is recommended to recite a brief lecture or Khutba before the Nikah formula is recited. In this Khutba, Allah is praised for His Wisdom in regulating the lawful process of procreation, and then the traditions from the Prophet (s.a.w.) are also recited.
Time of Marriage Ceremony: Though basically marriage is allowed at all times, there are some days on which marriage is not recommended; some of these are based on ahadith and some on cultural, historical reasons.
Permission of the Bride-to-be/Father: The girl's consent is necessary and has to be taken by her representative, directly.
In case of a virgin the father's or the grandfather's permission is also necessary. However if the permission is unreasonably withheld under some conditions or the girl has no father/paternal grandfather it is not necessary. However, a woman who is not a virgin does not require any permission in case of remarriage.
Valima Dinner: Valima is highly recommended on the groom. The relatives, neighbours and friends must be invited for Valima. However, lavish spending is not advisable especially when the same money can be used effectively by the couple or can be given to charity.
The main requirements:
- Mutual agreement by the bride and the bridegroom.
- Two Muslim adult and sane witnesses.
- Mahr (dowry) to be paid by the groom to the bride.
The secondary requirements:
- Guardian (wali) representing the bride.
- Written marriage contract, signed by the bride, the bridegroom, and the two Muslim witnesses.
- A state appointed Muslim judge or a responsible person presiding the marriage ceremony
- A sermon to celebrate the marriage
