It was one cold summer's evening when I was sitting in an alley with a gang of friends planning which club to go to that night. All of a sudden everyone flickered their eyes at the muddy and dirty entrance. There two youngsters with glowing faces walked in.
They wore pure white robes and Arabian caps. They greeted us in just the right way 'Safe boyz.' The shorter brother told us that they came from Manchester and that they were here to remind the Muslims about their faith. Everyone including Asim who everyone called 'The Big Boss' was silent and showed both of them lots of respect. The taller brother came in the centre of us and started to talk about Islam. As he said every word and every sentence, the idea that this world is only a test and the life after death is the real place for excitement became a strong feeling inside me. His voice was like a power flowing inside me making me feel peaceful. The things he said and the way he said them made me realize for sure that he had been through what I was going through.
When he had finished talking and when both of them had left, all my friends had their eyes towards the floor and all of them were absolutely silent. But then one idiot had to lift his head and crack a joke. And guess what? All of them began to laugh! It was as if the devil snatched away the important advice from their hearts. I was really angry at their behaviour and straight away left them. As I was walking home that evening I was deciding it was time to change. Inside me was born a new feeling that I would be a failure in life unless I began to follow Islam fully.
The following day was a big test for me as it was the day I was going to show my changed life to the world. I rolled my trousers up just above the ankle, as this was the teaching of the prophet Muhammad and wore a topi on my head. Like this I walked into school and in the playground everyone was so shocked to see me dressed in this way and their wide opened eyes were glued to me. Some girls when walking past me would look at me with a weird face as if I was some sort of alien. However those of my friends and other people who knew why I had changed were happy for me and were pushing me to carry on.
At first when I would be around a lot of strangers and especially girls I would feel really shy but I was not allowing this to stop me from practising my religion because I had faith in Allah that He gives ease after every difficulty.
Within a month, every thug on the street knew that I had changed and I was beginning to get respect from everybody in my area, youngsters and grown-ups. Even the people I did not know were greeting me. Now I was feeling a deep satisfaction and as if that something which was missing was found.
At present I go to college which I find really different to school mainly because there are more girls around me and I have more freedom to do what I want to do. I feel that Allah is testing my faith in Him by testing me with these young girls. I need to crush my feelings towards them so that I do not get attracted to them and this is hard. But I am coping and when I see girls I try to look down and when I do this I feel as if a wave of ecstasy is swirling inside me and I believe this to be a reward from Allah for listening to Him.
The thoughts that make me do this are the images of heaven and hell. They alarm me every time I am about to do something bad and so far these are my strongest motivators in life.
Now death has become something I think about a lot. The other evening when I was coming back home from college I was waiting for a train on the Blackhorse Road's filthy platform and this was making me think that I am like a traveller in this world and soon I will leave it. When the train was coming and as it got nearer it stared at me with its beaming eyes and roared even louder and this was making me feel scared, as it was reminding me of the Angel of Death who takes away everyone's life.
On the same evening after reaching Woodgrange Park station, I was walking home using a different route and by chance I was passing the old, dusty, black wall and it was bringing back my shameful past. I whispered to myself, 'What an idiot you were.'
'Topi is a hat worn by Muslims.'
