Despite the fact that she has already had a miscarriage, he doesn’t just leave her for another wife. This must count for something, as childbearing was the main goal in Rome. He stood by her with hope, as we can see in letter 7, where Pliny tells Calpurnia’s aunt that she will build her hopes on her. This shows that he does care about her and love her enough not to just exchange her for someone who can give him children.
If he feels so strongly towards her, why doesn’t he go and see her? He complains about having so much work in letter 4, yet most of his work is created himself, and to put work before his love isn’t a sign of real love between Pliny and Calpurnius. He also overlooks the fact that the reason Calpurnius is away from him is because she is recovering from almost dying, and he puts his desires first, asking Calpurnius to write to him at least once or twice a day. This shows us that the relationship is based on what he wants. We know that Pliny also hoped for children, who would continue the family name and could pass on their memories of their parents to others, especially his achievements, demonstrating his arrogant side. When Calpurnia miscarried, Pliny wrote sadly to her grandfather and her Aunt. He gives two very different opinions to make sure they both think highly of him. Letter 7, written to Calpurnia’s aunt, he gives a very hopeful and understanding view. He focuses mainly on how she is out of danger and is recovering to bring another child. However, to Calpurnius Fabatas in letter 8, he calls her foolish, blaming it on her. He also takes a very arrogant view on why he should have children, saying that they will have an excellent start in life. If Pliny really loved her he would stick to one story, and not suck up to different people’s views. He has no trust for her, saying in letter 4 that Campania is a tempting place and he hopes that she avoids temptation. It appears that he has forgotten that the reason why she has left is because she has almost died, her thoughts aren’t really going to be on flirting with the local males.
He says in letter 6 that he is often drawn to her room at the times he used to visit her. This could mean that he misses and wants their sexual relationship that they had, implying that he is using her to gain an heir.
He also uses Calpurnius to get recognition. In letter 3 we are told how she sits and listens behind a curtain at Pliny’s readings and laps p the applause. He says that no one has forced her but love, but if he loves her, why doesn’t he allow her to join in with his friends?
Although Pliny definitely does show some signs of loving Calpurnius, their relationship is mainly built on him and what he wants, changing his feelings towards Calpurnius according to others standards to get his desires fulfilled.
