AN ANALYSIS OF MY PROCESS AS A STUDENT OF COUNSELLING SKILLS ON THE FCCS PHASE 11
AN ANALYSIS OF MY PROCESS AS A STUDENT OF COUNSELLING SKILLS ON THE FCCS PHASE 11
During this essay I will illustrate how my learning relates to certain theories or models by using a selection and analysis of issues from my journal during Counselling Course phase 2. I will show with evidence, highlighting issues from the journal my developmental process as a student of counselling skills. Throughout this course I have had to challenge my behaviour and responses in professional and personal relationships. The results have been revealing to myself and will be analysed in this essay.
The exercises to raise self awareness have deeply challenged my conditional liking to the extent that for my personal development to grow I needed to gain further insight of myself to understand my responses. One of the conditional liking exercises was how difficult on a 1-4 would I find it to accept someone who tells me they abuse children (appendices see 'how conditional is my liking'). My immediate response was 3-4. I started to explore my feelings and reflect on personal experiences and conflicts surrounding abuse. I read Innocence Betrayed Paedophilia, the Media and Society to try and learn more to challenge my response to this question. What emerged from this by the end of the course was that my score of 3-4 was reduced to a 1-2 but not every day. Some days I wake and my personal experiences are forefront when I think of this question and it wobbles to 2-3. But I have raised my self awareness and will continue this learning process. Because of this wobble I would at present, in a counselling situation refer the 'client' to another person as our relationship would not be congruent. I am able to trace this shift in attitude to insights I have gained which are rooted in my experience of life and also the theoretical knowledge I have gained. In the future I hope I am able to say that I am able to work with anyone. But for now I know my limitations and believe this has raised my self awareness. Although it is the end of the course I now need to gain insight of why I rated a three on a 1-4 'how difficult it would be to accept someone who tells me they are in love with you'.
Another exercise in self awareness was in self challenge (see Appendices Self Challenge). Refusing to accept compliments is a problem area for my-self and I need to examine why. One of the reasons I thought about were I always used to wonder what the person complimenting wanted from me. I tried saying thank you the last few times. It felt a little uncomfortable but it is getting easier, but the easiness maybe due to other skills that this course has taught me and that is confidence and how to keep myself safe. I have noticed now that by saying what I mean I am being genuine to myself and others.
I used to wonder how I ended up in certain situations but reflecting now in certain situations I never said what I meant. I feel that for a relationship to develop, it needs to be genuine from the beginning. This way I am also setting clear boundaries which I have not always done in the past.
Another self challenge that needed considering was not listening when I do not agree with what is being said which I have noticed in political situations for instance. By the skills I have learnt on courses 1 and 2 I have started to address this and now try and take their 'frame of reference'.
Johari's window argues that your unknown self becomes smaller when you open yourself to others and allow others to give you feedback on yourself. To illustrate this I felt betrayed in a personal issue during the lifetime of this course. My immediate reaction would have been for that person to be no longer to be in my life but due to learnt skills of active listening, reflecting, self challenge of my behaviours and responses this did not happen. The result is now that because I allowed someone to show me my blind self the unknown self box is becoming smaller. I accepted the person's criticisms about me but do not feel accountable for that person's behaviour. Although I understand that to a degree, through my behaviour and responses I had alienated this person to me but I was able to see that because of this person's behaviour I had at that time behaved the way I did.
In one of our practice group sessions I was listener to K who was having her worst week of the year with multiple issues emerging ...the anniversary of father's death, family letters, the 12 step programme and pain. Her description of her week came out like a scrambled tree. I felt I needed to actively listen and focus on her most important issue for that week which was the anniversary of father's death. She said that it was the first year she did not place him on a higher 'pedal-stool' than others. I used immediacy indicating to her ...
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In one of our practice group sessions I was listener to K who was having her worst week of the year with multiple issues emerging ...the anniversary of father's death, family letters, the 12 step programme and pain. Her description of her week came out like a scrambled tree. I felt I needed to actively listen and focus on her most important issue for that week which was the anniversary of father's death. She said that it was the first year she did not place him on a higher 'pedal-stool' than others. I used immediacy indicating to her that I noticed her hand movements when she was speaking about her father being on a hierarchal level which confirmed to K this had been until now how she perceived him.
The feedback I received mentioned K's family not writing back and that I should have said "sounds like not hearing from your family must be painful for you." I thought about this during the week. K's body language did not show pain and if I suggested to K it was painful for her surely I was putting an emotion in that I was not seeing or hearing, or that she was not ready to express to the world yet, as maybe she had not internalised it herself (see Journal 1).
After the session had ended I thought of my experiences in and have been in similar situations with family letters and loss - but I acknowledged differences as individuals and of circumstance. As Benjamin highlighted (2006) empathy is about taking part in someone else's world whilst remaining you. He argued that empathy is not sympathy or identification. He saw empathy as being divided into three parts; perceptiveness, know-how and assertiveness.
The following week I asked K how she was this week as last time she spoke seemed hectic for her mentioning I felt the focus was on her father despite other issues being
present. I asked her if this had been the right thing to do and would apologise if she had said no because I would have misread what was the most important thing last week and I wanted to build up the trust between us. I asked her this week about her letter writing and how she felt about it saying "you wrote the letters to your family and they have not replied- what is it you wanted them to say"? She told me this was part of a 12 step programme and sometimes these are not sent and that they did not upset her by not replying.
I taped two conversations, the first I chose not to use because the person was intellectualising most of the conversation apart from two occasions when he started saying how he was feeling. At the time of the first conversation, which was very early on in this course I did not know of intellectualisation as a defence mechanism until after sharing the second taped conversation and before I had read the theory and the framework that it's sat in. But as I was sharing my taped conversation first I thought that this conversation could not be used to share with my practice group as the 'talker' had intellectualised most of the conversation.
I shared the first ten minutes of the taped conversation with my practice group as this was the part of the 'conversation' that I felt most critical about and I learnt a lot of lessons in that short space of time and could critically analyze and learn from my mistakes.
The person I had a conversation with gave permission that it could be used for my practice group to listen to and also to refer to in this essay. He understands that it is confidential and names will be changed.
The conversation was subjective as this person is a friend and I now understand that this cannot work in a counselling situation. The environment was also wrong as the room was cramped and untidy and there was only a bed to sit on. I feel this affected my active listening at the beginning because of distractions in the room and then interruptions of someone knocking the door later on (handout B.A.C.P 2006). This did not help and interrupted the flow of speech and his focus of the conversation for M who has post traumatic stress disorder so his concentration level is not very good anyway.
The feedback suggested that the first three minutes of settling into the conversation I had interrupted the 'talker' by clarifying what he was saying and asking an open ended question (see appendices feedback on tape). M was talking about many issues to start with so I clarified what I was hearing. I have challenged myself why I asked these questions and came to the conclusion it was not for me. He was narrating about his time in the army rather than talking about his feelings of how he felt in the army. The clarifying and focusing skills I used and then periodically summarising seemed to help M stay focused with the issue and his emerging feelings of the situation. This was when M began to talk about his feelings of how he had felt de-humanised and lied to. This had made him feel isolated and just a number with no identity. I paraphrased back to him what I had heard him say.
Although the environment was wrong I feel the conversation, besides having a bad start and interruptions had developed. I felt that after the initial few minutes the environment no longer affected me or him and I was able to offer a relationship with congruence, empathy and acceptance. Carl Rogers (video, 2003) argued from a Humanistic approach that if the counsellor is able to have a relationship with the client these core conditions are needed, and then the therapy will be positive and useful. Also when the core conditions were there it produced a 'presence'. This produces a safe place where deep inner feelings could be explored without judgement and where M was valued and respected as a person going through change. In future a sign will be placed on the door such as 'busy' to avoid interruptions.
A tape I gave feedback on it appeared that the 'listener' misread the facial expressions, and also wanted to make it all better. Also by putting emotions into the 'talker's' mouth such as 'that is fantastic for you that you have this support from your family rather than how does it feel for you to have this support from your family'? The recording was hard to do for this 'listener' as it was her friend and she desperately showed that she wanted her friend to stop drinking and take the support. This is a good example as to why you should not counsel a friend, a reason why the counsellor- listener relationship might not work. This person kept misreading body language in the practice sessions which began to irritate me. I can understand now how irritating this would be for the 'client' in a counselling situation (See J2). I had just read Body Language, 'the masks we wear' (Fast, 1971). Unless the listener can reach through the masks of the talker emotional freedom cannot be reached.
In life I have used body language for example to read my daughter who has a form of autism and her body language is important as her speech is stunted. For example when she closes her eyes, crosses her legs and starts swinging then she is saying go away; you are invading my personal space or thoughts. What I have learnt during this course alongside further reading is a more systematic interpretation of the signals and I now feel more secure in my interpretations.
There are two elements to body language which are the delivery and perception of the message. Also cultural differences need to be taken into consideration. Understanding body language is a recognisable feature in any situation but reading it is part of the tools that a successful counsellor needs to have.
To conclude I have illustrated how my learning related to theories using a selection and analysis of issues from my journal during this course. I have shown with evidence, some issues from the journal of my developmental process as a student of counselling skills. Throughout this course I have challenged my behaviour and responses in professional and personal relationships. The exercises raising self awareness have deeply challenged my conditional liking to the extent that for my personal development to grow I needed to gain further insight of myself to understand my responses. But I have raised my self awareness and will continue this learning process. I would at present in a counselling situation where my liking is not a 1 or 2 refer the 'client' to another person as our relationship would not be congruent. These skills I have gained will be the roots of further learning in any other counselling courses I embark on and also in life as well.
REFERENCES
Egan (1994) The Skilled helper
London: Brooks Cole
Fast J (1971), Body Language
London: Souvenir press ltd.
Rogers, C (1967), On Becoming a Person: a Therapists view of Psychotherapy,
London: Constable.
ROGERS, CR (1986 The Person Centred Approach: A contemporary Introduction
Hampshire: Palgrave Macmillan.
Ted Polhemus (1978), Social Aspects of the Human Body
Middlesex: Penguin.
Silverman J, Wilson D. (2002) Innocence Betrayed Paedophilia, the Media and Society
Cambridge: Polity press Blackwell Publishing.
Handouts
Benjamin, 2006
B.A.C.P. 2006
Video
Carl Rogers (2003) Carl Rogers and the person cantered approach
Williams and Damon (1997) Goodwill Hunting
APPENDICES
JOURNAL NO 1.
In one of our practice counselling group I was listener to K. She said she was having her worst week of the year with multiple issues emerging ...the anniversary of father's death, family letters, the 12 step programme and pain. I felt I needed to actively listen and focus on her most important issue for that week which was the anniversary of father's death. She said that it was the first year she did not place him on a higher 'pedal-stool' (in her words) than others. Her description of her week came out like a scrambled tree. There was a silence here which I felt was powerful whilst she assimilated what she had said and I saw she relaxed.
With the feedback I received it was mentioned about K's family not writing back- and that I should have said "sounds like not hearing from your family must be painful for you." I took this on board during the week, debating whether or not I should have or not have said this. I decided that my first reaction could have been right as K's body language did not show pain. I used immediacy with K, indicating to her that I noticed her hand movements when she was speaking about her father being on a hierarchal level which confirmed to K this had been until now how she perceived him. Also surely if I suggested to K it was painful for her surely I was putting an emotion in that I was not seeing or hearing, or that she was not ready to express to the world yet, as maybe she had not internalised it herself.
After the session had ended I thought of my own experience in life. I have also been in similar situation with family letters and loss - but I acknowledged differences as individuals and of circumstance, therefore 'appreciation of difference'.
When I listened to K's direction of thought that kept emerging, there seemed to be a need to focus on the here and now- that is a bad week - remembrance and to let her take ownership of what was foremost in her mind and not what I would presume would be foremost.
I listened to K this week and started off how was she this week as last week when she spoke had been really hectic for her, with lots going on and I mentioned them. I also felt I should say that last week I felt the focus was on her father despite a lot of other issues arising at the same time. I asked her if this had been the right thing to do. I was going to apologise if she had said no because I would have misread what was the most important thing last week and I wanted to build up the trust between us. I asked her this week about her letter writing and how she felt about it saying "you wrote the letters to your family and they have not replied what is it you wanted them to say"? She told me this was part of a 12 step programme and sometimes these are not sent and that they did not upset her by not replying.
JOURNAL NO 2 22/05/06
I am learning new skills all the way through. By listening to other people's tapes looking for skills used and skills that maybe could have been used. We listened to 2 more tape recordings today. One was really good, the other practically inaudible. The first tape it appeared that the 'listener' misread the facial expressions, and also wanted to make it all better and rosy. Also by putting emotions into the 'talker's' mouth such as that is fantastic for you that you have this support from your family rather than how does it feel for you to have this support from your family? The recording was hard to do for this 'listener' as it was her friend and she desperately showed that she wanted her friend to stop drinking and take the support. Perhaps this is a good example as to why you should not counsel a friend, a reason why the counsellor- listener relationship might not work.
29/05/06
Empathic- Rogers - If I can be as emphatic as when Matthew was distraught in the street not understanding why no one was phoning police when a child was being slapped by its dad, (Matthew saw it as the child being beaten up by an adult). When I looked at situation through Matthew's eyes as he first witnessed this was truly emphatic and I could see his whole picture.
09/05/06
When I was talking in our small group I noticed immediacy on myself - my arms around my knees - I recognised my body language as protection- unsafe- no one noticed thank goodness. I feel this skill that I am learning of immediacy and body language is so beneficial to the extent that I can keep myself safe by noticing my own immediacy and reading it for what it shows.
L keeps misunderstanding facial expressions - the unspoken body language - the defence mechanisms - the false facial expressions - she's taking them at face value. (Masks we wear Body Language p 66 smiles).
4/05/06
There was me thinking I could keep this journal up and I didn't. Did I fail -no just need more practice at disciplining me? Right try and remember,
Counselling skills phase 2 0402417
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