There were also examples of incompetent/ directive and competent/ none directive counsellors. The incompetent counsellor asks the client, “How about anger? Is anger one of your feelings?” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:50). This is very directive, not client centred. Then an example of what a competent Empathic counsellor might say, “What are you feeling right now, as you talk about this” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:50). This to me is totally none directive, allowing the client to explore her feelings.
I really enjoyed the whole section on Empathy the way it was explained to me was in my language, there were no long words I didn’t understand. The book gave some great examples of good reflective responses by the counsellor, i.e., “Client: “Like I’m really flying in there – like flying through into that big black room. I’m not scared now… I like the dark”.
Counsellor: So you’re going into that dark place…really fast…and it feels different…not scary now… even pleasant…” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:43) this to me is a really good example of an Empathic, Reflective response.
Next I looked at Unconditional Positive Regard; at first glance I felt that even though this chapter was set out the same as the chapter on Empathy, it wasn’t as easy to understand.
My understanding of this core condition is accepting the client and whatever issues she brings to you, not judging the client and not letting your own issues and morals cloud the client’s issues, the counsellor needs to give the client total warmth, acceptance, and to prize and value the client.
I read a very interesting paragraph that I totally agree with, the authors say “that in its literal sense it is impossible to achieve Unconditional Positive Regard. Every counsellor is human and fallible and therefore must have some personal limits that might be exceeded by her client: However, the person-centred counsellor is likely to be less conditional than with most other people with whom the client will relate” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:66).
I didn’t enjoy reading this chapter as well as the chapter on Empathy, I feel that it wasn’t explained as well, the best piece of learning for me is in the section on Defensive Clients, the clients that refuse to be valued and that “sometimes it is hard work for the counsellor not to be put off by this out-ward defensiveness of their client” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:68). One example is a client, “Mary was 45 yr old, who didn’t look after herself, her hair was unwashed, her clothes were old and a mixture of dark and grey and she also smelled” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:68-69). At the end of both the first two sessions Mary would say, “I don’t know why you would want to bother with the likes of me” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:69). It transpired that Mary felt deeply sad, unloved, she did not love herself and was very vulnerable, making her keep this defensive shield up, the counsellor used his skills of prizing, accepting, and continued to value Mary, “And thereby earning the right to be behind the shield” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:70).
Next I looked at Congruence; I find it very difficult to describe the meaning of Congruence. I always try and look at it in simple terms, being genuine.
On reading the chapter on Congruence, the first thing I noticed was samples of Counsellors Incongruence and other of Congruence, one of the samples was thirty minutes into a first session, the Counsellor said after a long silence, “no…no…I can’t see how I can help you (pause) it seems that your so tied up by all that past experience that its difficult to know who you are, never mind knowing whether or not I can help you”
(Mearns and Thorne 2001:87-88). This Congruent response proved to be most useful to the client if somewhat risky, for a first session, “It was a great relief to Bob to find a helper who did not promise to help him, every other helper had promised that and none had succeeded” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:87-88).
This tells me that sometimes to be truly congruent we as counsellors have to take risks.
The chapter then went on to look at samples of Incongruence, there is a really good example of this, the counsellor says “I think it would be good for us to meet again as soon as possible”, “while simultaneously looking bored” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:93). This sounds to me as if the counsellor is giving out a double message, saying one thing and his body language saying something else which would be very detrimental to the client.
I also found very interesting, when counselling. I often use “mm-mh” (Mearns and Thorne 2001:93).
In order to let the client know I’m listening, the book mentions this and could become irritating to the client if done too often and could be seen as the counsellor pretending to listen, this point I have certainly taken onboard.
I feel I have taken a lot from this book, from first picking the book up, I have enjoyed reading the core conditions, and especially the chapter on Empathy, the book was set out very well with well defined chapters. I really do feel I have a better understanding of the core conditions, a very enjoyable read
The Carl Rogers Reader
When I first bought this book I felt it was good value for money at £10.99 it has 526 pages. The book was first published in 1990 and reprinted nine times, which again made me think it was also a very popular book.
When I finally came to look at this book, I immediately put it straight back down, it looked totally daunting. I thought I wouldn’t be able to ever read this book; even the front cover was very bland and frightening. After a quick flick through the book there seemed a lot of long words. It didn’t seem to be set out very well at all, there seemed to be pages of long monotonous text. The book then sat on the table for 4 weeks whilst I tried to pluck up the courage to read it, when I finally did start to read it I was pleasantly surprised.
The first part of the book looks at Carl Roger’s life, up to this point I knew nothing of this person we all read about. From a very early age he was interested in science but with insects/nature. He was interested in moths, which I thought very bizarre but interesting.
He talked very openly about his marriage, he and his wife worked well in all areas of their relationship but one, he felt that she didn’t get enough out of their sexual relationship. They were both very sexually inexperienced. Rogers had an opportunity to be involved in research of a sexual nature. I felt privileged that Rogers could share his intimate experiences within the book.
Rogers states that because of this research he was able to start talking and communicating with his wife more openly this proved invaluable to both of them; I feel that Rogers was implying that it improved their sex life. On reading this it evoked memories within me of my marriage breakdown and the lack of communication between us, maybe if we had talked and communicated more things would have been different? I feel talking and communication in any relationship is the most important thing.
One point in this chapter which had quite an effect on me, was when he talked about another woman, he said, “I formed a real attachment to another woman” (Kirschenbaum and Henderson 2002:32). I did wonder whether this attraction was platonic or sexual as he didn’t go into it in any depth. Whereas in the rest of the book he went into matters in great detail, too much at times, he seemed to skim over this subject, I DO WONDER?
But again this did evoke memories within me, as my ex wife had an affair.
I did find this chapter a very enjoyable read. Carl Rogers is a ”normal person” who shares his inner most thoughts and feelings freely, I felt as though I could relate to him.
I then continued with the book with great anticipation as I enjoyed the last chapter so much but to my surprise the rest of the book was terrible reading for me. I feel it was like wading through mud, very slow going. I feel there were far too many long complicated words for which I didn’t know the meaning, Rogers went into the text so deep it became very boring and far too technical.
The chapters were not set out as well as in the other book. When I looked at the core conditions I expected them to be in single chapters for easy referencing but they were spread out erratically all over the book. As a trainee Counsellor I could never use this book as a quick reference book because everything is widely spread. The chapter “A Client Centred/Person Centred Approach to Therapy” (Kirschenbaum and Henderson 2001:135-136) gave a brief explanation of the core conditions, for me I feel this brief description is very poor and not at all clear. I feel this book is not aimed at the trainee like myself but towards the highly skilled professional counsellor.
I feel this book is like 2 books in 1 the first part on Rogers life I thought was brilliant reading but the rest of the book I didn’t enjoy at all.
CONCLUSION
After evaluating these two books, I feel I have achieved my objectives. The Person Centred Counselling in Action book is a book I would thoroughly recommend by far too any fellow trainee Counsellor. The reasons for this, I feel are; the chapters are clearly set out, they are written in terms that are easily understood for example, the three core conditions are written under their own chapters unlike in The Carl Rogers Reader where the core conditions are only briefly mentioned under one chapter and are mentioned in various other parts of the book but only in minute detail. So I feel as a quick reference book this book would be too time consuming.
The Mearns and Thorne book used language which I could easily understand, simple use of words. The Carl Rogers reader used long complicated and technical words and at times I found them very confusing and could not understand what Carl Rogers was trying to say. After saying that I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter on Carl Rogers life as he made quite a few personal disclosures of which I could relate to.
Another thing I liked about The Mearns and Thorne book is the use of examples in boxes these I feel were a good learning tool which clarified the main text.
To Summarise I feel the Mearns and Thorne book was a far superior book to me as a trainee counsellor. The Carl Rogers Reader in my opinion would be more suited to the more highly skilled professional counsellor or anyone who has an interest in the life works of Carl Rogers.
Bibliography
Mearns D & Thorne B (2001) Person Centred Counselling in Action
Sage Publications, London.
Kirschenbaum H & Henderson V (2002) The Carl Rogers Reader
Constable London
