The one person who can probably understand me is my sister Tina, because when she was my age, she behaved in the same way, and perhaps I started to steal because of her. I mean, if she was stealing, why couldn’t I? I always looked up to my older sister as an example. But since these sodding children were born she spends all the time by their beds.
In my family, I don’t know to whom I should listen. We have got different viewpoints about every single thing. For example, my father sees everything in black and white and he doesn’t expect any differences from his black and white theories. On the other hand, Auntie ‘Nita is a totally different person. She is enjoying her life and she is earning money. She spends a lot too and she doesn’t care about her marriage at all. Her husband Cliff is really unhappy with the marriage, and Anita is trying to give him staff, like a new stereo system or a new Porsche, instead of a happy marriage.
Desmond and Harriet are unhappy with their marriage as well. Harriet, for example, cares more about her dog then her husband. Isn’t it ridiculous? And most of their problems are because of food! Add more
In the last few days I have found that Roy has started to communicate with me and looked at me more carefully. For example he was interested in my book and he asked me some stupid questions. But actually, even if he guessed about my real life, he couldn’t open my parents eyes, because all the family still think of him as a fool. And nobody would take him seriously anyway.
My grandpa seems to me one person who can understand family problems in general, but he is too old and he has Alzheimer’s, so the family just ignores him. For instance, he is trying to explain for my father that something is going wrong in the family business, but at the same time he doesn’t even know what are they celebrating! And it was his 70th birthday!
Oh, now I can breathe clearly because this idiot is dead. And I killed him without any doubt. He caught me shoplifting. It was just shampoo! Why was I caught? My sister was doing those things as well and she got away with it. Why are all the problems happening to me? It only cost $1-87 p! And he wanted to put me in jail! And I didn’t do it for money, but just in protest that I had to pay for the shampoo, like Tina told me. But really I started to steal because I was bored and I just decided to take staff instead of paying. I found that risk is really cool feeling and I enjoyed it so much. But sometime I got bored and it wasn’t fun anymore, but I continued. Then my friends invited me to a party where I tried drugs and it was new feeling for me, even more enjoyable then stealing.
All my anger and discontent went out on Benedict. In my family everybody is sending mixed messages about what is right and what is wrong. I can’t decide what is important in my life, because I’m so different from the others and they don’t try to understand me at all. When I attacked Benedict, I couldn’t control myself. It was my reaction, without any doubt, to what might happen to me.
Just now I have realized what a horrible thing I have done. I have become a murderer. I was so violent with him, because I thought that he was the one who got me into trouble. But now I understand that all my troubles come from my family, because they are sick and unhappy. And they still aren’t trying to understand me, even after such a terrible thing as a murder.
But now they are having a party again and everything seems perfect, but actually nothing has changed and family happiness is just an image.
