A Life In The Day Of...

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                          Christian Collins

    At around 7: ooam on yet another dull and monotonous school day, my alarm rings. The shrill ear-piercing sounds and death-dance of my mobile phone attempts almost vainly to bring me back from oblivion. So loud that in the process of waking me up this wakes the rest of the house as well, (this will later make me the victim of taunts, mocking and severe punch-ups between my three older brothers and………me). I am usually forced out of bed, like a caterpillar breaking away from its cocoon, or tormented until I come round with the use of such agonizing instruments or procedures as the wet flannel or the glass of water over my head.

   After my torment and persecution, I stagger across the room with eyes still glazed over from around 8 hours of glorious sleep and, with an omnipotent thud, strike my hazily strike my ongoing alarm clock and watch it fall to the ground. With my eyes still twitching, gradually opening to the sight of raw sunlight gleaming through my curtains that have been rudely opened by my insensitive mother, I eventually make it to the bathroom and, because of our feeble, pathetic and broken shower, decide to run a bath.

   Cleanliness and external appearance is of great importance to me and a lot of other people coming through in this new generation. So, I put on my uniform. This is the one thing I enjoy about school as there is no deciding of what to wear, will it look good does it go with these shoes, just one set of clothes that can never go wrong. I then stumble downstairs, as unfit as I am, still stiff and taut from yesterday’s game of football. Then with my ravenous and short-tempered self, attack the fridge like a man possessed, clutching the nearest and often tastiest piece of food, even if it is the remnants of last nights Chinese take-away. Once my journey to the fridge is complete (this usually takes around 10 minutes due to my laziness, and the time taken pondering over whether or not I can be bothered to get up out of my seat), I embark on the stairs, which to me at this time in the morning seem to be like a colossal mountain of sea green carpet. And, once at the top, I realise that in fact, due to the irony of my life, my toothbrush and paste have been tidied and taken downstairs by my once again insensitive mother, whose answer is repeatedly “well who else is going to do the tidying then.”

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   Thankfully, after all this there are little immature quarrels over who gets to use the bathroom first as my brother who is still studying leaves the house later than me, because of his career as a professional footballer (oh how I do envy him, as he is able to take his time in the morning and yet still gets to play football for a living.                                                                     ...

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