When we were younger, we used to dress up in my Mum’s clothes and play with her make-up, and I never thought that this was any different from what other brothers and sisters did together. We’d have so much fun, doing all the things that little girls love to do and it didn’t strike me that other boys didn’t do that sort of stuff.
He never really had any friends at school and we spent most of our free time just enjoying one another’s company. This made our bond stronger. We told each other everything. He never kissed the girls at school or played games like football with the other boys. Some people used to say he was weird, but I didn’t think so. He was just Constantijn.
I started to notice that he was unhappy, and this made me unhappy too. What saddened me most of all, was that he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.
Then, early one Saturday morning, I came downstairs and Mum was crying. Dad was just sitting silently in his chair, but all I could look at was my lovely brother’s troubled face. Constantijn had just told my parents that he was gay. Mum explained that that meant that he liked boys, but I was only nine and didn’t understand. Didn’t everyone like boys?
It wasn’t until around two years later, that I understood what she meant. One day, I was walking home from school and I saw my brother holding hands with his close friend Mohammed. At first I was shocked but when I saw how they looked lovingly and tenderly into each other’s eyes, I realised that this was not strange or abnormal. What I was seeing was two people that were in love with each other. They loved just as any other man or woman would.
My brother never had it easy because of his homosexuality. He was bullied terribly at school for wearing make-up or for not wearing the right clothes. In fact just for being himself! But he taught me, that if you are happy with yourself, with what you wear and who you love, then you shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks or says! Just be yourself and be happy with it!
I adore everything about my brother, his lipstick, quirky clothes and his choice of love. Nothing will ever change that, and other people’s closed -mindedness will only make he and I more determined to stand up for who we are and what we believe in.
Last year I had one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. This was when my brother and Mohammed took me to the Gay Pride Parade in Amsterdam. Everyone was so happy and free. I couldn’t believe it! There was no discrimination, no pretences and everyone was having a great time. My brother, my Constantijn, was a part of this great happening and I have never been more proud of anyone, than I was of him that day.
I’ll be eternally grateful to my brother, for teaching me the best lesson anyone could ever learn; that to love and be loved, is God’s greatest gift.
I sit at the dinner table tonight, watching my precious family all together as they have always been and I am glad to be here. I’m one of them.
