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A year had departed since that fatal day.

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A year had departed since that fatal day. Everyday I pathologically relived those agonizing memories every detail had been scrutinized while sat in this chair being handed chipped mugs of luke warm instant coffee in return for reassurance that I was still present in this empty and hollow world. I never responded; there was no point, but they gained their reassurance from my deep laboured breathing and went away content. I'd never enlightened anyone as to my thoughts, my inner most feelings; I had no one to trust. How could I trust them they held out their hand and pulled me back from that cliff top, the only place I felt comfortable. They said they would help me. Instead they gave me a room full of memories; an environment where my goal was unattainable, and concluded for themselves a reason "why" based on half truths and other peoples opinions. "He can't cope, poor chap" was a common phrase for gods sake I wasn't coping, I was planning. They had people come to sit with me on a Tuesday. All kinds of people: young, old, professional, dole fraudsters, priests. Sometimes a familiar person would come and sit beside me who'd talk at me and I wouldn't force myself to listen. ...read more.


It would always slow for the crossing. The driver always slowed for the crossing, but he hadn't one day. Maybe one was enough for him. Maybe he knew next time he wouldn't get off so lightly. They let me out, but I didn't want to go. "The door is open," they said, sure it was open but I wasn't going to pass through it. I could see the world from the 4th story lounge the windows were sealed shut. Shame, it would have been quick and painless, but not part of the plan. It was 9am; she would have been on her way to work now. I would normally give her a lift, but not that day. That day she wanted to walk. A final goodbye kiss accompanied by a waving hand as she disappeared round the corner, the distinctive clicking of her heals disappearing. My house was just around the corner from here. Our house. Not anymore. My things had been put into storage and my landscaped garden has been bulldozed for a square of low maintenance turf. It was nearly time to meet her. I got up from my seat and wandered to my room. ...read more.


I'll be with you soon" I had said. She nodded and closed her eyes. Her arms relaxed and fell from around me. I had ran back to the house, fumbled at the lock with my frozen blood stained hands and grabbed the knife from the drawer. I had ran back to where she was. I can't have been longer then thirty seconds but by the time I got there all that was left was a pool of blood. An ambulance wailed down the street, taking her away from me. The knife had already cut into my wrist and that's when they pulled me back, that kind faced policeman had robbed me of fulfilling my pact and my promise. I opened my eyes I was here now. I felt weak as the blood poured from my left arm onto the cold gravestone. I looked at her name and the faded flowers that her parents had painted onto the headstone. My eyes felt heavy but as my life flowed out onto her final resting place, the closest I could be to her, I could see her walking towards me. Her hair expertly tied in a tight bun bound with a red ribbon. The designer jacket I had bought her for Christmas. She reached out a hand and pulled me up. I took one last look back at myself, and followed her. ...read more.

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