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After it happened, and all of my life was out in the open things didn't get any better...I was a gay celebrity in an ever-critical society.

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...After it happened, and all of my life was out in the open things didn't get any better...I was a gay celebrity in an ever-critical society. I can't remember exactly what it was that I did to make my private persuasion known, all I remember is waking up to find my picture on the fornt page of my daily newspaper with the words so big and so bold saying: "OUR KNOWN AND LOVED CHILDRENS TV PRESENTER IS GAY!" I think I fainted, or if not, then I felt faint. The secret I had tried to keep so well hidden from the media, from the spot light and even close family members was written all over a "popular" tabloid newspaper for all the world to see. My eyes darted about the page - possibly looking for a way out, but all I saw was what seemed like paragraphs full of evidence that I was, that I am "gay". There was an "eye witness", somebody who had come to my party who claimed to have "seen with their own eyes" me "kissing a..." ...read more.


I don't know how long it was that I sat there, but I remeber hearing the door bell-it woke me up. I walked slowly to the door and opened it just enough to see that it was my mum. One of the journalists that was outside followed her to the door and was shouting to me to tell my story, my mum slammed the door behind her and came over to the table where I was now sitting. "It had to happen someday, you couldn't hide it forever." Those were her words. "But..." I broke off. "What about_dad?" I said amidst the tears that been welling up behind my eyes. She just smiled at me in such a way that soothed me to the point of letting go and I burst into tears. She didn't stay for long, just enough so I knew she was there, if I needed her. After she left I recoiled back to the shaken anxious self that I had become that morning. I began to think about the conseqeunces of this thing that I was but couldn't focus, I just kept racking my brains as to who it was that went to the papers about me-I must know them, they were in my house. ...read more.


My eyes felt wet again but I closed them and took a deep breath-trying to breath the life back into my lungs. I felt ruined. My job, my family, my friends my life and all those people hating me, I could see their glares already, what would become of me now? I couldn't think clearly. I was on the edge that day, I had an urge to shed that part of me and adapt to my "new" surroundings. The years that followed were the hardest I've known and I wouldn't bestow the pain I felt on any other being. I began to plan how I would try to change myself, meet a nice young man perhaps and live the lie I should have done form the start but that would have meant denial-a public statement perhaps and I couldn't do it. I couldn't let myself down, put myself down to the point of lieing about who I was, but I was ashamed. The years changed me, but my surroundings changed also. There were others like me-famous names who stepped forward and took the brunt of the papers and public as I did. But then again, there will always be a celebrity for the papers to slate. Thankyou. ...read more.

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