And then it was all over I had nearly everything I had ever wanted money, a house, a nice car, entertainment I had all the riches in the world and

  She used to yell at me “Dilip I want to be the reason you smile.”  This suggested to me I’m the reason she is smiling. When she smiled it was an astonishing sight to see, her cheeks would go red and you could see her beautiful dimples. She was exciting, full of jokes and laughter, some one who could put a smile on your face even on the dullest days.  Someone who made you feel gifted. We helped each other to reminisce the good times and the bad times.

  A few months had past in our love for each other but this wasn’t enough I wanted to wake up next to her every morning.  So the evening of February 14th 2004 I took her to a romantic evening in a ferry cruise in London.  That night we gazed at the sparkling stars the atmosphere was perfect I took her by the hand and looked deep into her blue eyes.

 “Radhika I want to be with you everyday I can’t go on another day without you! Will you marry me?” At this particular point my knees felt like jelly and my whole body felt cold.

 She gave me a deep glare making me feel even weaker and looked at the pink diamond with a blank shocked look. “What if she says no?”  “Maybe she doesn’t love me enough?” these rhetorical questions passed threw my mind over and over. It felt like my whole life had passed in that moment.

 Gradually her glare became the most radiant smile it was a million dollar smile. Her cheeks blushed with shyness and her beautiful dimples came threw. “Dilip YESSSS ill MARRY YOU” I couldn’t stop smiling and she cried with joy we just held each other as tight as we could.

  I reminisce the day I gradually met her parents. I was feeling so scared and nervous. I had the butterflies for god sake. Her mum softly said “Dilip take care of her I can count on you”

I replied. “Aunty, you can always count on me.”  Soon we had got married and had a child he was one year and 2 months at the time of the accident.  

  It all happened on the evening of Sunday the 13th January 2006. We were on the way back from my brothers 30th birthday party, he used to also be my partner in crime when we used to deal in boosting cars, and selling drugs we both made a lot of money out of it but then decided to stop and settle down.

  The party was great, I met up with a few people from secondary school it was like a little reunion I seen people that I hadn’t seen for like 10 years. We had a few drinks and a great laugh.  It was around 1 ‘o clock in the morning when we were driving back to Leicester my wife and child were fast asleep.  I was doing around 60mph when a red Vauxhall Astra tried to overtake me.  I gave him space to go. He slowly pulled out to overtake, it was pitch black. As he overtook I looked at him as he glared at me I recognised him from somewhere but I just couldn’t place him.  He started to slow down as another car tried to overtake me. This second car was now side to side with me when suddenly the car in front sharply braked and the car beside me swerved out and then straight back into me.  The collision threw me out of control and onto the curb and then into a tree which then caused the car to flip onto its roof and slide across the road onto the oncoming traffic.  

  I wasn’t hurt at all in the accident but I couldn’t look at my wife she was covered in blood and squashed between the metal of the car.  My child was hanging out the window with pieces of glass in him.  From that day on I never had piece. I was back to the beginning although my possessions were nothing compared to the life I had lived the money was dirty, the house was bought with dirty money, and my life was lived with dirty money. Life had been at a pause.  After the funeral I sat in my dirty living room on the dirty couch going over and over what had happened.  This was a way for god to punish me for all the dirty jobs I did to make money.  That face I seen in the Astra was no-one but the guy I used to work for.  I and my brother made a mistake for working for him, then robbing him with his own tricks not only that we had set him up and got him arrested.  

  I wonder if I had never lived this way my wife and child would have still been alive.  Where ever we lived whatever our status we would have been happy.  It’s not always about the wealth looking back at it now, I can’t live without you nor can I live with this sin.  There’s nothing else left to live my life.  I want to make you smile and that’s all I want I hope I see you up there hence after this sentence am going to have to pull the trigger!!!