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Another fine day in trench, it's raining and I love it.

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Martin Kelly Another fine day in trench, it's raining and I love it. Over top today for second battalion, lucky them. I know some of them, nice lads too, some of them allies. I'll do mine duties and stop suffering. There is one guy who is so cavalier and dire in second battalion who I would love to see suffering, he's going over top today too. I hate my wife; I prefer to stay in trench. Anything to get away from her. I love seeing people fall and like the sight of blood. I already knew how to use machine gun, I shot tigers you see. I love explosions, watching many a body fly. If any complain about injures, I shoot them in head, no pain see. I don't care if they're on my side or not, I just don't want them suffering. If you is shot and die, I don't mind, if you is shot and is still alive, I finish you off, co-operation see. I would like to have the same done to me if I were suffering. I wish I could keep this rifle, as I hate my wife. ...read more.


Oh wonderful, mail, I wonder if I got anything. Ah yeah, the yazzihamper sent' me a BIG parcel, bravo! What have I got? Ah, six pairs of socks, an' a birthday cake, me forgot it were me birthday. Hurrah! Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, 'happy birthday dear Martin, happy birthday to me. How old am I? I don' care! A few voices shouted an' sang happy birthday too, aren't them nice. Alright, who needs socks, I have to share them out to those who need them, we're like a little co-operative. Who would want a piece of birthday cake, what, the candles are already lit, no wonder it took some getting out it were in a fireproof box with the socks, the daft dunderwhelp gave me burnt socks, odsplut, she ought to go to Putney on a pig. The "socks" are suddenly coming' back to me as bits of dried-up material. Ted comes by and says that the third battalion are going over the top tonight, just so we know that if the they are missing tomorrow then we know where they be. Ah, there be French Francs in here, OW, they be hot, it be them candles again, quakebuttock, but a least she gave me forty francs, hang on ...read more.


boomed another voice, "You are now our new officer, Martin, all you need is two days briefing, training and possibly bribing and you will be away. Go and see the commanding officer as soon as you are ready" That were Terry the Terrible being a messenger again for the commanding officer. So off I went excitedly to the commanding officer, ready to tell him what the lads had said, but hang on, I killed him, OH SHIT! I went back to the lads anxiously, "I can't see the commanding officer", I tried running down communication trench but my leg partly stopped me and the other lads pulled me back and they all forced me to go to the commanding officer's office, I went in cautiously and saw a very well built man who just looked up at me and said "You were the last person to see Edward Parsons alive. You will be brought before the court marshal in a few days. Disarm yourself now!" He aimed a rifle at me, I had nah choice but to. In a few days I went to military court an' were found guilty of murder and I were given capital punishment. My wife and my son Vernon were told but they never came to say goodbye. I were to be brought in front of a firing squad blindfolded and handcuffed. 1 ...read more.

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