At the turn of an eye, the garden seemed to be so desolate. Winter was here and Vic was gone. The flowers had long since wilted and died along with him.
A tear slid down her porcelain cheek and made its way down her face.
“You broke your promise Vic; you broke your promise,” Ashley half whispered to herself.
At the other end of the garden, stood an oak tree. As its trunk was broad and it had many branches, it was an ideal place to sit and dream as she had been doing on a warm summer day. There had been a light breeze and the sweet, cloying scent of the flowers had drifted upwards to where she was. Slowly, she felt herself drifting off to sleep. Slowly, ever so slowly, seemed to be slipping. Then, she had felt the wind rush through her hair and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was only then, she realised that she was falling from the tree. She closed her eyes, prepared for the jarring impact of the fall. Seconds later, she didn’t feel the impact and took a little peek from the corner of her eye. She saw Vic trying not to laugh at her awkward position. They had stared at each other for the longest of times, both of them trying to contain their laughter- but failing.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“Remind me to plant a soft bed of flowers under the tree,” Ashley said with a hint of laughter in her voice.
“Actually Ashley, you should be more careful you know. I won’t be there every time to catch you,” Vic said with a note of mock seriousness in his voice.
“You’re here half the time anyway. So I’ll just risk it.” Ashley said as she grinned at Vic.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
A sweet smile hung at the corner of her mouth as she reminisced about the days before Vic had died. It had always been “Ashley and Vic”. Never Ashley without Vic, or Vic without Ashley for that matter. But now, it was just Ashley and no Vic. Vic was just- gone.
How much of this could she actually take? Yes, people told her the pain would slowly dim. Yes, people said that it was normal to feel the pain. But the pain had not diminished. Not one tiny bit. And it had already been three months. Probably the worst three months of her entire young life. The first month had been the worst.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“Vic’s back,” she said.
Some people looked up from their work. Only the few close to her rose.
“Vic’s back; Vic’s back; Vic’s back,” Ashley repeated as though in a trance.
“He’s not. Oh Ash, he’s not. You have to get over it Ash. You can’t wallow in your grief for ever,” Kate said as she drew Ashley close.
“Vic’s back. He is. He really is. Vic’s back. He really is,” Ashley whispered to herself.
“Ash don’t, please. You can’t do this. You have your entire life ahead of you. Vic wouldn’t want this. He wouldn’t want you to grief over him like this. He wouldn’t,” Kate said as pain surfaced in her eyes.
“No! Vic wouldn’t want me to forget!” Ashley shouted.
The people in the room looked up startled.
“You don’t understand. I can’t remember. I can’t remember his face, his eyes, his smile. I can’t remember all the times we had together. I can’t remember!” Ashley said as she squatted down with her hands around her legs, her tears flowing unchecked down her cheeks.
Kate squatted down till her face was level to hers.
“Ash, it’s just the shock. It will come back to you eventually. You’ve got to trust yourself. Ash…” Kate tried to reason with her.
“No! I won’t forget. I refuse to,” Ashley cried as she ran out her tears streaming down her face.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
That was two months ago. Kate had been right. She could see him sometimes in her mind. She smiled bitterly. But just faint outlines; never clear enough for her liking. Just as well, maybe it was God’s way of letting her heal.
The sun was rising. She put on her clothes and went down for breakfast. She checked her face on the mirror to see if there were any traces of her crying. Her face was pale and haggard. Under her eyes, bags had formed, from lack of sleep. Her normal glossy auburn hair had lost it lustre and now looked dull and lank. ‘But there was nothing she could do about it anyway.’ she thought as she headed downstairs.
“Hey! Here’s your breakfast,” Ashley’s mum smiled as she handed it to Ashley.
“Thanks,” Ashley said as she sat down.
After finishing her breakfast, she caught the bus to school. In the bus, she sat alone. Beside her, there was an empty space. It was not as if she lacked friends. Her friends would have sat there with her; except that Ashley didn’t want that. To her, letting someone sit there would mean that she was letting someone fill Vic’s place. And Vic’s place could never be filled. Never.
When she reached the school, and walked into the common room, she winced as she heard the bright voices of her friends. How could they forget so easily? She was the only one who still clung on desperately onto to the remnants of her memories. But a tiny part of her told her this was wrong and unhealthy. Sooner or later, she would have to let him slowly fade away. She would have to let go too.
At the thought of that, she pushed the key into the locker viciously; frustrated that it wouldn’t go in. When it finally got in, she took her books out.
“Hey Ash!” Kate smiled and greeted her.
“Hey!” Ashley said as she tried to muster up the cheerfulness that Kate seemed to emanate. But Kate had always been like that. The parody of cheerfulness, the sun personificated. Kate had been her pillar of strength ever since Vic died.
“Let’s get to our classes,” Ashley said as she smiled quietly.
Ashley had psychology while Kate had philosophy and so, they parted. As Ashley walked along a deserted corridor, she felt a presence behind her. It seemed familiar. Far from threatening, it was almost comforting. Out of the corner of her eye. She saw the faint outline of a shadow moving. When she turned to look, she was faced by an empty corridor. She stood there for a few seconds. Her eyes, for some reason, desperately searching for that shadow. There had been a feeling about that shadow, a particular aura that she had recognised. After a few seconds, she turned back, not entirely convinced that it had just been another figment of her imagination.
As the day continued, she could not shrug back the feeling that she was being followed. But every time she tried to catch the person in the act. She turned to find nobody. She became increasingly puzzled. Why was this person following her anyway? Unless…
The final bell of the day went off and Ashley trudged to her locker. Because she was exhausted, she packed up slowly. The people around her slowly dispersed and she was the only person left there. The usually noisy corridor was now as quiet as a cemetery. Again she could see that shadow which had become like an old friend during the course of the day. Was she imagining stuff again, or did the shadow seem to be coming closer? The shadow soon blocked out the light that was shining on the locker.
She looked up to find Vic.
