Bitches, Beatings and Bullies

High school is never an easy time. In those six years, we are all preoccupied with the process of self-discovery. What kind of friends do I want? How should I balance morals and enjoyment? Where do I fit in? We're uncertain of the answers, and don't know how best to find them. Maturity is growth, and growth involves stretches and strains and will be painful. In high school different is bad, different will be exploited. According to a recent survey by Stonewall, a campaign group, almost all of gay pupils had experienced verbal bullying but 41% had been physically attacked, while 17% said they had received death threats.

I was one of them. I’d never really fit in. My class were asked what they wanted to be later in life, “A soldier” said Andrew, “A girl” I replied. Obviously I never knew I was gay then, but it was the first indication and now it makes so much sense. I grew up being “the gay one” when we played Mums and Dads in my front garden, or I was Hermione when we played Harry Potter. Its funny thinking about it, my family seemed to know I was gay long before I did.

There were some people that had no clue. Before I knew it, I had created another personality which I used when I was around others. I’d argue with teachers and I’d fight with everyone and anyone I could, which gave me tough exterior, and then go home and listen to Beyoncé, Britney and The Backstreet Boys. It was an inadvertent act, and I should have won an Oscar for it.

Before I told anyone else, I had to tell myself. I knew I liked boys but I never said to myself that I was gay; I’d never thought much about ...

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Before I told anyone else, I had to tell myself. I knew I liked boys but I never said to myself that I was gay; I’d never thought much about it. I decided that the time had come, after a long 14 years of self-discovery. I had something to say and there was no going back. “Charlotte? I’m gay” I murmured, the relief I felt was almighty and incomprehensible. “I know” she said back to me. I was stunned. She had known all this time and never treated me any differently; maybe everyone else would be the same.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I had built up the courage to tell another person, this was a decision that I would live to regret. The news spread like wildfire. “R u gay” my msn read to me. My eyes, they saw, but I couldn’t believe it. My heart, it was beating, but inside I’d frozen. I didn’t understand why somebody that I trusted so much would do this to me. What had I done to upset them? My mind was racing with thoughts of how to reply. I pressed those two letters on my keyboard with almighty disbelief. “No”, I wasn’t ready to do this, not yet. I wasn’t admitting it, not yet.

The next day was terrifying. I roamed cautiously in the corridors of the school which I once stood so proud in. “Awww naw mate, a heard you were gay”, the “dimmer” pupils of the school spoke in some fabricated language. I denied the accusations the full day, and the next. Days turned in to weeks and the wildfire hadn’t been extinguished yet. It seemed to be the topic on everyone’s lips. I was only gay, people shouldn’t care this much. I lay staring at the ceiling and said to myself “I don’t care”. I repeated it, “I don’t care” over and over I said it. The next time someone asked I admitted it. So what if I’m not the same as everyone else.

I was immediately treated differently, I was bullied and beaten. I had once lay on an ice could ground while heartless homophobes beat me senseless and left me for dead. That was two years ago, now it’s all changed. I’m nearly back to normal now. I have so many more friends than when I first came out. Everyone seems to have grown up a lot more and people treat me the same most of the time, although I still get those with homophobia in their veins that still have the comment to make.

With more and more gay, bisexual or lesbian celebrities coming out, times are getting easier for them. Society is changing, very slowly, but it is change nonetheless. Maybe we can reach 99.9% acceptance and maybe being gay won’t be the talk of the town.

More has to be done to tackle bullying in schools, whether it is homophobic or otherwise. In September alone, 4 American teenagers killed themselves because they were being bullied about their sexuality. That’s only 4 that we’ve heard about recently, there are surely many more. Somebody every day will attempt suicide because their being bullied or teased, and I was one of them

I am who I am and nobody will take that from me.