Running felt good. I ran for what felt like hours, I ran till my heart pumped acid and my legs burnt. I stopped after a while and keeled over in the middle of a park. For once I didn’t care that people were staring at me. I didn’t care what they thought; I didn’t care how I looked. I felt like a huge weight had been pulled off of my chest, and just kneeled there, in that public park, in my own little enlightenment. I heard people snigger, but in my heart I pitied them. They could not know the amazing and wonderful sensation of freedom that I felt right now.
When I stood up, it was twilight. I suddenly realized I left my bag at the coffee shop. My bag. I felt like I should have cared more than I did. It was just… a bag full of replaceable things. But then a dark cloud of sense formed in my heart, how was I going to get home, furthermore where was I? It was getting late and I needed to get some work done at home. All the beautiful freedom of my enlightenment was snuffed out. My heart was dark and my eyes welled up with tears. I couldn’t just quit my job and be ‘free’. The world didn’t work like that. The world is harsh. I was stuck. Everyday I saw people without jobs on my way to work; they lived in boxes and under old copies of “The New York Times”. However free they were, I didn’t want that. I swore out loud. A woman gave me a reproachful look. I stared blankly back at her. Like she would understand. I dusted myself off and began walking. I would get my bearings and find that coffee shop again. Leaving the park, I looked around. I didn’t recognize anywhere. I walked into the first shop I saw. It was a newsagents, I walked up to the counter and saw a pretty girl at the cash register.
“Can I help you?” She asked absentmindedly.
“Yes, can you tell me where I am?”
“Sorry?” The request caught her off guard, she put down the newspaper she was reading and looked at me.
“Yes. Where is this, I’m lost.”
“45 West 34th Street… Are you okay?” At the name of this street I must have shown some anguish on my face, I have no idea where this is.
“No...It’s just I’m lost, I have no wallet and it’s getting dark.” The girl bit her lip, and looked left and right.
“Here” she said, giving me a handful of change. “Take a taxi or something.” I was taken aback by her kindness. She had no reason for doing this; did she really just do it because she was kind? My faith in humanity was somewhat restored, I said “thank you” and smiled. The change in my pocket gave me new confidence. I could get home. I left the newsagent and was about raise my arm and call for a taxi, but something stopped me. The kindness of the girl struck me. Would I ever do something like that? Not likely. I felt angry with myself. I felt angry at what I had become. I was just an office drone, no soul and no heart. I had become a slave to consumerism. I cared about material things, not about what was important. Hell, I didn’t even have any real friends, just fake, shallow friendships.
I began walking down the street, with no purpose this time. I was just walking for the sake of it. The chilly air-cooled my head. I took deep breaths of the air. I felt like it was the first time I breathed properly in my life. I got to a bench and sat down. It was the calm after my emotional storm. The world seemed to have its volume turned down. The cars and vans sounded distant and far away. I was lying on the shores of another world. Blinking a few times I took in my surroundings properly. However much I hated this city, I had to say the lights were beautiful at night. I would fix everything, gradually and in my own time. I would find another job, look for friends or maybe a significant other and break my routine. But for now I’ll just watch the city lights.