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Conflict - personal short story

Extracts from this document...

Introduction

Conflict Wednesday started off as any other average day, a little hotter and more humid than usual but that was all. One could tell there was a storm brewing but not in the way I could begin to imagine. I walked downstairs just as my father was leaving and said a quick goodbye, giving him a kiss on his clean- shaven cheek as he rushed off to his stuffy prison of an office. My mother had breakfast ready in the kitchen, and I smiled as I was greeted with the smells of cooked breakfast and freshly brewed coffee. "Good morning Abi," mum greeted me in a chirpy voice, "Did you sleep ok?" "Yes thank you Mum," I replied. That morning continued with the normal routine of washing, getting dressed and getting ready for school. At eight o'clock mum bustled me into the car and we left for school. We drove down the same road as always with the same bumps down Town Green Road, and as we turned the corner passing number 62 we could hear Mrs. ...read more.

Middle

As I got changed in the stuffy, chlostrophobic changing rooms I started to get a terrible headache and began to feel nauseous. " Abs are you O.K?" my friend Alice asked, her brow furrowed with worry and looking very concerned. " You've gone very pale," " Really, have I? I feel fine don't worry," I lied trying to sound as cheerful as possible. " Oh, O.K then. Are you coming up to the hall?" " Yes I am," I replied with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't quite describe. As if it was tucked in the very corner of my brain and I couldn't quite reach it. Once in my school gym the bright neon orange lights seemed to pound into my head, giving out toxic waves that jabbed at my brain. I felt dizzy, light headed, sickly, hot and as light as a feather, with a strange sensation that I was able to float away leaving my troubles behind me. Then blackness, total, consuming blackness. " Abi? ...read more.

Conclusion

"Mum?" Suddenly my mother burst out of my parents' bedroom, wearing a dressing gown, and looking extremely flustered. "Abi! What are you doing here?" my mother questioned in a high- pitched, almost hysterical voice. "I fainted so the school sent me home," I explained quickly, "What's the matter with you?" "Oh nothing, nothing at all," my mother exclaimed while trying to subtly close the bedroom door, "Why don't you go and boil the kettle for a cup of tea?" "Who's in there?" I asked, and pushed past my mother, into her bedroom. What I saw was a man on my parents' bed with only a sheet around him looking very worried and uncomfortable. "Please don't say anything to your Father," my Mother pleaded, " It's not what it seems." "Either you tell him or I will," I said as I ran out of the room, down the stairs and out of the house. Outside on the lawn reality struck me. I felt crushed, betrayed and angry. Bile started rising up my throat ant I threw up. I started sobbing and fell on the floor feeling I would like nothing better than to die at that instant. I knew that day would change the way I saw life forever. ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

4 star(s)

There is some effective description and imagery created in this piece. What needs to be worked on is the structure. Ensure a link to the title throughout the writing and some form of link between the beginning and ending of the story.

4 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013

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