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Creative Writing - A love so true.

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English Creative Writing A love so true I had never seen her so depressed. Tears were running down her face as I walked towards her. I would have given my life to stop these tears in her eyes but there was nothing I could do. Nothing can console a person who has lost a loved one. She probably did not know it then, but she meant the whole world to me. I wanted to talk to her and gather her in my arms and tell her that I loved her and that she had me for the rest of her life, even if her mother had left her. ...read more.


When I arrived, her father was glad to see me. He led me in and pointed to her room. I went in and saw Jane sitting in the corner of her room; staring vacantly into space. I managed a weak smile and sat beside her. She looked at me and tears sprang into her eyes. I took out my handkerchief and gave it to her. She accepted it and wiped her tears dry. " Let's go out," I said. She shook her head. " I think you should. Being alone at home is not going to help you overcome your grief," I said gently. ...read more.


Her father put his arms around my shoulder when I went into the hall. He heard everything that I said but did not mention anything. His arms around my shoulder probably meant that he approved of me. I shook his hands and later left the apartment. Then I walked to the lift and pressed the lift button. Within me I was trembling, half with embarrassment and half with anger. Also, deep within, I felt emptiness. Anyway I was glad that after worshipping her for four years, I had finally told her. At that moment, I heard a voice shouting "John!" I turned around and saw Jane running towards me. She threw herself into my arms and held on to me tightly. I hugged her. I could never describe the overwhelming happiness when she finally said the words "I love you, John". ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

3 star(s)

This piece starts off with promise but is not developed enough to allow the story to unfold into enough detail. The second half doesn't include enough description and the ending feels a bit rushed so as a whole piece the length needs to be developed.

3 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013

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