Creative Writing - As the prison doors slammed shut the horrific smell of unwashed bodies came over me, almost making me choke in disgust.
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Creative Writing As the prison doors slammed shut the horrific smell of unwashed bodies came over me, almost making me choke in disgust. I was being cut off from the beautiful fresh air that I was born to live in. It was rather humid and I was finding it increasingly difficult to suck the oxygen into my body. The walls, the ceiling and the floor were all the same dull colour. My room was extremely dark; there were no windows, just a hole in the wall with black steel bars crossing it which let in absolutely no light. I had a table and a chair made up of compressed cardboard which was attached to the floor with long bent rusted nails. I could only take two large strides before I reached the other side of this foul-smelling cage. I could not even stand on my tiptoes or else my head would hit a centimetre of filth on the ceiling above. My cell stank, my clothes stank, and the whole place stank. My clothes would only get washed once a month and I had a blanket on my bed that had not been washed since the day I got here which was three, long, boring months ago.
Once my family had meant something to me, but as I had not seen them for months they just seemed like a dream. A fantasy as though they never really existed. I do not know if they were contacted when I was put in here, I was not even allowed to make a phone call. The reason I was in the cell was because of two very dim-witted girls, Crystal and Dianne. I had met these two girls on holiday when I went to Portugal, I was supposed to go to Portugal with my sister Claire, but she lost her ticket just before the night we were going to leave. The moment I came off the flight and reached to the airport of Portugal I wanted to meet someone new. I met Crystal and Diane at the airport as they dropped off one of their friends. They were just so talkative that they were talking to everybody, but most of the people didn't respond to them. When I started talking back they were a bit surprised. We decided to go out for a coffee and we got to know each other quite well, they even offered to let me stay at their place.
I actually thought that they were real friends. They were just in it for the money and they did not care who they hurt on the way. They must know that I am in prison, as the story has been in all the papers. I am to stay in custody for another month and then there will be the trial. If Crystal and Diane have not owned up by then I will have to go to prison for a minimum of 6 years. If they turn up I will only be facing five years because I sold cannabis knowingly. I definitely will not be able to last that long. Being in a cell devastated me. The first couple of weeks there I tried killing myself as I could not cope with being locked up like a bird in a cage. I feel like a bomb just ticking away, knowing that one-day I will explode. I will never get over the wasted years of my life in a cell. This prison system has completely ruined my life. They know that I was not completely responsible and yet they are still treating me terribly. I could feel the rage inside bubbling as I closed my eyes and imagined Crystal and Diane in a place a thousand times better than this. ?? ?? ?? ?? Mohammed Patel 10G4
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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay
The first half of this piece is very good; a variety of language, punctuation and sentence structure are used to shape meaning and a lot of thought has been put into the construction of the writing. The writing in the second half is not as a strong as it becomes too much about the story and too little about the characters and the situation. Ensure that the way the story is being communicated is always focused on.
Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013
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