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Creative Writing - As the prison doors slammed shut the horrific smell of unwashed bodies came over me, almost making me choke in disgust.

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  • Essay length: 1580 words
  • Submitted: 18/08/2006
  • Marked by teacher: (?) Laura Gater
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GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe

Teacher essay summary

4 star(s)

The first half of this piece is very good; a variety of language, punctuation and sentence structure are used to shape meaning and a lot of thought has been put into the construction of the writing. The writing in the second half is not as a strong as it becomes too much about the story and too little about the characters and the situation. Ensure that the way the story is being communicated is always focused on.

4 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013

The first 200 words of this essay...

Creative Writing

As the prison doors slammed shut the horrific smell of unwashed bodies came over me, almost making me choke in disgust. I was being cut off from the beautiful fresh air that I was born to live in. It was rather humid and I was finding it increasingly difficult to suck the oxygen into my body. The walls, the ceiling and the floor were all the same dull colour. My room was extremely dark; there were no windows, just a hole in the wall with black steel bars crossing it which let in absolutely no light. I had a table and a chair made up of compressed cardboard which was attached to the floor with long bent rusted nails. I could only take two large strides before I reached the other side of this foul-smelling cage. I could not even stand on my tiptoes or else my head would hit a centimetre of filth on the ceiling above.

My cell stank, my clothes stank, and the whole place stank. My clothes would only get washed once a month and I had a blanket on my bed that had not been washed since the

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MbT essay summary

The first half of this piece is very good; a variety of language, punctuation and sentence structure are used to shape meaning and a lot of thought has been put into the construction of the writing. The writing in the second half is not as a strong as it becomes too much about the story and too little about the characters and the situation. Ensure that the way the story is being communicated is always focused on.

4 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013

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