I thanked him as he drove me home safely. Stepped into front yard, I could hear Oriole singing, as if they were celebrating the arrival of spring. I could smell the sweet fragrance of lilac hanging in the air. Thin light glistened on the hedgerows and made the first primrose blossoms of golden carpet Barberry luminescent with the re-emergence of springtime. These were the symbols of New Year, a fresh start. However, I was too afraid to accept a new beginning in my life; I would not have a new start, never from the day they left me, without a trace. I blinked back my tears, knowing that it would not make a difference. ‘My sweetheart, Laura, oh love, please come,’ a weak sound called out. Aw, up here again in such a cold weather! ‘Sweet, I know you’re going to nag me. Don’t. I was too eager to see you. So how’s your study over there?’ She grabbed my hands and cupped them into hers as she spoke to me. She looked so much older, frailer than the last time I saw her. Her hands were full of wrinkles, unlike mine; she was thin and weak. She was always my great Gran whom I rely on, I would cry on her shoulders whenever I nursed a grievance. Time is a grinder, is a thief, it will steal her away from me gingerly. I could not even think of how I will go on with the rest of my life without her. I loathed parting with her… ‘Let us go inside, Gran.’ I held her and we walked into the Nippon-Ya. It was just as quiet as usual… A twinge of melancholy stabbed me; right into my heart. He did not want to see me, again. I shook my head to free my mind; I would just fancy to talk to her, to share my secrets with her at this perfect moment and no one would interrupt us. Time flew pass. I was so glad to have her as my Gran, she was as caring as a mother was, as gentle as velvet. ‘By the way, who was the man just now? What a handsome gentleman!’ Her eyes glistened. Naw, not again… I heard someone trudging outside and my heart fluttered. It must be him. Out of all sudden, the door was being pushed ferociously aside. His eyes burnt with fire, his mouth pursed into a straight line, his body was brewing a tremendous savage, and he was shaking involuntarily, shaking with wrath. His eyes froze me to death. ‘Get away!’ he bellowed. I smelled the wine’s, he was drunk. Gran’s eyes blurted out with disbelief, ‘you shan’t treat her that bad, she’s your …’ ‘Gimme a chance please, I’ll help you out in the company,’ I pleaded and clutched his sinewy upper arms to show my sincerity. SLAP. Silence shattered. I then felt a sudden scorching pain and tears started streaming down my face. Concern lining his brows but soon faded. His eyes darkened, his face contorted, his fists clenched tight, smouldering hatred. Why? I could not fathom. Why did he treat me like this? He was my only brother! Papa, how I miss you! You promised that he would protect me when you are not here! Piqued by sorrow, I ran off the house. Gran was shouting my name until her voice was being buried in the deep snow, unheard. Where are you now? Papa, Mama, please come home! I want four of us leading a happily-ever-after life together; I want the time to flick back; I need both of you!
Do you remember the time we were on the deck, staring into the night sky lit up with diamonds? Do you remember the time we were still in Malaysia, cycling up the low hills and stony gullies, pushed back up the slope, arriving at the top hot and breathless? Those glorious panoramas, we took it all in: silver cloud, green ground, patches of sunlight, the lake…Those were the happiest day in my life. I would not be pleased again since the day you and Mama went to Derbyshire, and never returned home. Why couldn’t you grant me my little wish, just come back? The air around me was getting frosty; I pulled my jumper closer, sat on a bench embracing myself. It was when I felt bareness on my neck. No! My pendant! My necklace! I scrutinised the white pavement but there was nothing. I stumbled upon my legs, I was too afraid to lose it. Just like, I was too scared to lose you, my dear Papa, my dear Mama… I wailed. A large shadow fell upon me. Brett knelt down and handed me a necklace, MY necklace! I cupped it between my hands, buried it on my chest. He held me into him in a warm embrace. His shoulder was broad and strong, just like Papa’s; his breathing so even that made my heart soothed.
Seven years later, I was already Mrs Tyson. I received a letter unexpectedly in the mid-Autumn.
Dear Laura,
I can imagine your first impression when you received this letter. Those impish expressions that I will never forget for my ephemeral life. It seemed ages when we were in Malaysia, played happily together when we were still small; when Papa and Mama were still beside us, protect us. I always think that I will bring this secret with me to the coffin, but I was wrong, wrong enough to hurt you, to hurt me, myself for being so selfish.... It was a sweltering hot afternoon, which leaves an indelible mark on my memory when Mama and I went to the market. Along the road, four former officials dragged us into an alley and tied us up. The beasts had sexually assaulted Mama… I was six that year, she hollered but no one seemed to care, I could not help her either, just to witness the dreadful incident. The recollection was indeed agonising, but she did not wish Papa to know what had happened. Almost a year later, she had fallen ill after you were born. Uncle Frank sent a letter telling her to go back to England but she insisted that she could endure it and had brought us to Japan with Papa. In fact, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with us, with YOU! Two years later, they boarded a ship to England when her health started to deteriorate. It was the shipwreck that driven us asunder and I started to avoid you since their death. You triggered my unwelcome memories, you reminded me of how I could not protect my own Mama when she was in danger, I did not want to see you because you resembled her too much, you reminded me of her! I just could not forgive myself… Until the day you ran off, I soon realised, you mean so much to me and I could not help but feel as though I owe you so much more than I could ever repay. I am sorry, my Laura… I am so sorry. I guess I would not be able to see you again; I am somewhere else with Papa and Mama. Please do not grieve over my death; I did not deserve your love. Wish you happy, my little sister. Xavier
Tears flushed down my face. My pitiful parents, Xav, my brother…Why didn’t I contact him these few years? I thought he detested me… Brett then walked beside me, stroked my hair, and gave a gentle kiss on my forehead. I gazed into his twinkling eyes; I saw them shining with infinite hope, I looked up to the sky; I saw birds soared along beyond boundaries. Every cloud has its silver lining. Beneath the clouds, I still have him, my agreeable husband, and a lovely son by my side supporting me. My Brett, my haven, my safe harbour. I knew he would be with me through thick and thin, and guide me on the road of my life wherever there is darkness.
Author’s full name: Lee Ying Wei
Address: No. 25, Lorong Galing 138,
Jalan Air Putih,
25300, Kuantan,
Pahang Darul Makmur,
MALAYSIA.
E-mail:
Telephone number: (H/P) 010-9212453
Date of birth: 29/07/1996
School attended: Sultan Abu Bakar School (S.A.B.S.)
Sultan Abu Bakar School (Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Sultan Abu Bakar/SABS) is a secondary school situated in , , . It is entitled as a Cluster School of Excellence by the Malaysian Ministry of Education due to its excellence in academic and co-curriculum. The Cluster School of Excellence is a merit system implemented in Malaysia granted to High Achieving Schools that are in turn given wider autonomy in administration and extra allocation for advancement of specific fields like academic, sports, and extra-curricular activities.
