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Creative writing involving war

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Introduction

Creative Writing The wailing sirens struck fear into the struggling crowd of panicking civilians. The adrenaline rush filled me as I barged passed all the strangers and knocked an old man off his feet, he tripped into the puddle beneath him launching muddy water into the others surrounding. Nobody cared, I could not help unless I wanted the same to happen to me, but as I turned around an aircraft shot past, a thundering rumble followed and shook the ground. As the old man searched for his walking stick in the marshy ground something caused an explosion; obliterating the helpless man and propelling rock and mud towards me at unbelievable speeds. Everything went black as a heavy rock belted into my face, I lay unconscious between two mangled bodies. I woke up to the same noise; aircraft shaking the earth, bombs breaking the earth and incessant screaming that sends a chilling sensation to your bones and then is silenced by an explosion. Only now the average volume was quieter, the loudest noise was two men shouting at each other. I kept my eyes closed to try and understand exactly what was going on and listened intently. ...read more.

Middle

I always felt uncomfortable in front of crying women. I left her alone and stared hopelessly at the blank ceiling. I never thought about how I got here, all I remember was the adrenaline rush, the running for my life and the old man receive a direct hit from a missile. Somebody must have carried me here, whoever it was saved my life and must have risked theirs. My thoughts were interrupted by a feeling of warm liquid running up my throat, I coughed loudly and everyone turned towards me as I spurted thick blood out of my aching nose and mouth. I could feel everybody looking at me and kept spitting the oozing liquid into the ground beneath me. On my hands and knees I bent over the small pool of blood and saw my reflection. There were grazes all over my cheeks; blood was seeping out of the gaping wound beside my eye. My face was battered; my left eye was bulbous and stuck out of my head like a tennis ball. I looked at my bruised lip as red saliva dripped out of a deep cut. ...read more.

Conclusion

Everybody faced him as the strong wind from the outdoors brought a giant gust into the shelter; my nose froze momentarily from the wintry rush of air. It brought a foul smoky smell along with it, we all rose to our feet and stared at the narrow corridor, it was a relief to see an exit. John was the first to step out, he sauntered straight past the battered door, the fat metal hinges were almost completely ripped, the other side of the door was dented and black. Suddenly the door caused a thunderous groan, it toppled forward and John yelled as it came towards him. His shout was silenced and bones were crushed when the huge door landed on him; there was no chance of survival. I turned to face everyone, the walls started to cave in and floor rumbled, I fell on the ground and gazed towards the corridor, giant plates of rock fell from its ceiling burying the exit. Along with the exit our hope was buried too. While I was lying on the cold ground the shaking finished and I analysed the room. We were completely entombed. ?? ?? ?? ?? Tom Burgess Yr 10 set 1 English Coursework ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

4 star(s)

There are sentences within this piece that are very imaginative and successfully create very strong imagery for the reader. At times the communication isn't as clear as it could be and the structure needs to be more cohesive.

4 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013

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