• Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

Creative Writing - Isolated.

Extracts from this document...


Isolated There she sat, her pale, tear-stained face gazing onto the dark street. The street was dead. Everyone was asleep, everyone that was, but her. She sat there blankly, and watched as gradually night turned to day and the street started to become more and more alive. The postman plodded along, chirpy as usual, and the kids from next door screeched and giggled as they chased each other down the street. Her life must go on, she knew she had to get over it, and move on. Yet still she sat there, the salty tears running down her cheeks. Why did it have to happen to her? There were plenty of other people in the world, so why was it that she was the one person who it had to happen to, the one person who had to suffer? She knew that she couldn't stay cooped up in her room for the rest of her life, so after prolonged deliberation she came to the conclusion that her only option was to run away. ...read more.


Splat! The policeman, in his rush to catch her had tripped over the wheelie bin and gone flying! She chuckled to herself, the first smile since 'that day', the day when everything happened so suddenly, and so unexpectedly. Her life was spinning out of control, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was an orphan now. An orphan on the run. She ran and ran for what seemed like an eternity. She had lost the policeman within a few minutes, but still she kept on running. She liked to run, it made her forget all of her problems, and she loved the feel of the breeze flowing through her long, silky, dark hair. The sun beamed down onto her slender body, and for a moment she forgot about everything. She twisted and turned, and ended up running into a derelict alleyway. Something in her stomach jolted. She was not alone. She turned around to see a man with a piercingly ugly face glaring at her. She knew who he was and why he was following her, but still she convinced herself that she had never seen him before in her life. ...read more.


"What are you talking about?" she questioned, "My dad has never been with anyone's wife, he's never even had a girlfriend since mum left us." "Oh, is that true? So why is my wife pregnant with his baby?" he spat. This was such a shock that Natasha didn't know what to say. She just silently blinked back the tears. He had killed her dad, so what did he want with her? Couldn't he just leave her alone? "Look please just let me go," she pleaded. He slowly moved his grimy fingers into a fist shape and thumped the nearest thing, which happened to be a dustbin. It's contents splattered all over the dark, dingy alleyway. "Let you go?" he said in the most sarcastic tone she had ever heard, "Oh no. You're not going anywhere. Not after what you know, you already know too much." "No. Please. I won't tell anyone." She desperately pleaded. "It's too late. Say your prayers, because soon you'll be joining that father of yours." Katy Hambley 10W ...read more.

The above preview is unformatted text

This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe section.

Found what you're looking for?

  • Start learning 29% faster today
  • 150,000+ documents available
  • Just £6.99 a month

Here's what a star student thought of this essay

3 star(s)

Response to the question

The author was given the task of writing a piece of creative writing on the theme of isolation. Although the topic is touched upon in the opening paragraph, when the main character is crying alone in her room, the rest ...

Read full review

Response to the question

The author was given the task of writing a piece of creative writing on the theme of isolation. Although the topic is touched upon in the opening paragraph, when the main character is crying alone in her room, the rest of the story feels far too fast-paced to create a sense of isolation, while Natasha dodges policemen and confronts her father’s murderer. Although the author appears to have begun the story on topic, they have quickly drifted away from the theme of isolation. Therefore, the author has not addressed the question very well.

Level of analysis

The author has used several narrative devices, such as rhetorical questions and rule of three, as well as a variety of adjectives and adverbs, which helps to create an image in the reader’s mind. They have also used alternative verbs to create imagery – for example ‘he spat’ instead of ‘he said’, which makes the story more interesting to read. However, some important events could have been far more embellished with descriptions; for example ‘she came to the conclusion that her only option was to run away’ feels very matter-of-fact, when this key decision could have been better used to express the character’s sense of helplessness and isolation, in order to increase the reader’s emotional attachment to Natasha. I would perhaps have rephrased it as: ‘How could she stay there in fear, knowing he would only come and find her too? Her heart cried as she forced herself to leave her home to escape, alone in the world’. Although short sentences have been used to increase the pace of the action scenes, this technique is made less effective by the lack of many longer sentences throughout. I would have improved this by merging several sentences together, for example using connectives, which would also have the effect of allowing the whole story to flow better and let tension be more effectively created by variations in sentence structure. The author could also try to vary the viewpoint of descriptions – for example ‘This is strange’ could be replaced by ‘shock and surprise flitted across her pale face’, which would also build a better picture of the scene in the reader’s mind.

Quality of writing

The author has used good spelling throughout, and the piece has very few grammatical errors. One example of this is: ‘‘I won’t tell anyone.’ She desperately pleaded.’ Which should have been ‘‘I won’t tell anyone,’ she desperately pleaded’ – replacing the full stop with a comma. They have not used a large variety of punctuation – there were several opportunities in the plotline to add suspense by using an ellipsis, for example, I would have considered saying something along the lines of: ‘she hid, terrified, behind a bin, waiting for the murderer to find her...’ A more varied punctuation would allow the author to create suspense and subtly change the pace of sections of the story in order to emphasise emotions. I found the overall storyline quite hard to understand the first time round, which could be improved by adding small snippets of background information earlier on in the story in order to allow the reader to understand the character’s reposes to, for example, the policemen. This could also let the author increase the feeling of isolation by describing Natasha being alone at home, perhaps with no one to turn to in her time of need. Overall, the quality of written communication is ok, although a few minor improvements would make the story far more readable.

Did you find this review helpful? Join our team of reviewers and help other students learn

Reviewed by dragonkeeper13 14/02/2012

Read less
Not the one? Search for your essay title...
  • Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

See related essaysSee related essays

Related GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe essays

  1. It was all one big nightmare

    A feeling of terror went through me. Every minute of the day took longer and longer to pass. I could not keep my mind on anything and became incredibly fidgety all day. My nan kept herself occupied with housework all day and the tension was so great that you could cut it with a knife.

  2. The long lost diary of the mummy

    Against my will! Stop! I beg them. Do not do this horrible thing! I am not dead! I am alive!" My mouth drops open I flip through the ancient pages. Could this be a diary of some kind I wondered, a mummies diary, except shouldn't the diary be hieroglyphics I thought.

  1. The Haunted House

    The light sparkled out from the crystal chandelier and spread all over the room revealing the beautiful antique furniture carefully placed in the middle and along the walls. There was a fireplace dominating one wall and an armchair placed in front of it.

  2. The worst week of my life

    Was he trying to trick me to see if I would foolishly follow him without checking? His shoes and coat had definitely vanished though, so I don't think he was conning me (not this time, anyway). I sprinted down the stairs and looked through the window, just in time to

  1. The day that my life changed.

    As we walked up the path to Michelle's, I took a deep breath and forced a small smile, but I didn't hold it for very long. Sarah opened the door (Michelle's mother) and immediately she read the expression on my face, and knew that something wasn't quite right, she spoke quickly, she said, "What is it?

  2. Our Journey to the New World.

    She felt every spoke till they were smooth as glass. Supper on the prairie that first night was delicious. Cook fires circled the big camp. There was lots of visiting back and forth. Laura came barreling over to there campfire. She didn't give Martha a chance to even introduce her.

  1. The House On The Hill.

    Jamie didn't want to be seen as the brave one anymore so decided to put up Alex in case the others told him to do it. Guy Sweetman The House On The Hill Alex took up this offer and slowly approached the door.

  2. Trials of Life.

    This was a huge blow to his friend the doctor thought to himself but he knows he will survive it for their child. 2 years later, he was all right and this was all because of Shawn, which he felt was a piece of her he could be with everyday.

  • Over 160,000 pieces
    of student written work
  • Annotated by
    experienced teachers
  • Ideas and feedback to
    improve your own work