Creative Writing : Regrets

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Creative Writing : REGRETS        

 Another year has passed, another day has ended; the days will come and go but still no answers are given. No pain is reduced.  My heart is still in pieces.  I often just lie here, wondering why.  Why I can not reconcile with what has happened.  Why you were taken from me and why I was never given a reason for your absence.  I would have rather it had been me than you. I had destroyed my life. You had years of life to lead.  You were young and free!

We had always been getting up to mischief when we were younger; we were like Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. You were always the brave ambitious one, “Come on” you would say, “it will be a laugh.” Your motto was  “if you get hurt, you get hurt” if you fall off your horse, get back on it; you only live once. Might as well make the most of it! Me, well I was always the sensible one, “yes dad” you would say when I used to tell you to be careful! I was always warning you about dangers in life, what not to do and what to do! We were not identical twins and really had no likeness at all. We were like chalk and cheese.

I was so envious of you, even though we were twins the genes were definitely not equalled out. You seemed to have ambition, confidence and definitly the looks. You were tall, blond and blue eyed, definitely the Baker genes, where as I seemed to have inherited the Dickson genes. I was small, intelligent, sensible and always described as being weedy, Mum and Dad said we were both special in our own ways! However, my family nickname was runt!  Where as you were strong, bold and confident, we would play games and you were always the leader. I was like a dull caterpillar; small, weak and vulnerable. Where as you were a butterfly; strong, noticeable and free. Even at that young age it became obvious to me that you had everything I could have ever wanted!

I remember playing in the back garden at the age of five. It was a beautiful summer’s day. There were flowers everywhere and the butterflies had gathered around the roses. As usual we were both playing, you were completely intrigued by the butterflies, showing off as usual, you were chasing them around the garden. I was slightly more cautious. Anything that moved tended to make me a little scared. Mum and Dad were sat by the pond, me by the sprinkler playing in the water. I found an earthworm. It moved slowly and slid through the moist grass. It was brown and dull but interested me, as it seemed to have no legs! I scooped it up with hesitation. I ran over fast to mum and dad as it was tickling my hands and making me giggle and I did not want to hurt it, by dropping it. “Mum!” “Dad!” I shouted. “In a minute, love, Ben has just found an incredible butterly!” My eyes welled up with tears. I placed the worm back in his squiggy soil and cried in my room alone! No one knew. No one was even interested about my whereabouts. I wanted some attention. Just a little. However, Ben again had stolen the limelight. I realised that there was no room for me. I was not the son that they loved and adored. I was just a little boy they fed and clothed. Ben was special. William was just dull!

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As we grew older my envy progressed. You were the one picked for the rugby team, you were the one that all the girls and boys loved, even the teachers would say, “why can’t you be more like your brother”.  Back then I was the reject, I had inherited all the weak genes, all the rubbish that was left over from you. You were known throughout the school as B.B.  The heartthrob to all the girls. Anyone would have been envious.

When we were seventeen my envy took on a different aspect. I began to dislike you; my ...

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