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Dad ages ago

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Introduction

"Me and your mum will always love you, but if either of you are one of them, your out" Dad ages ago Lying in your bed, the place where you remember your past, feel your present and see your future. The best mirror in the world, fantasises hold up in the darkness make you smile, make you cry, freak you out. I've tortured myself whether it's smart to write this, if don't want to know, then I've got an experimental piece in my book you can have, but I had to write this down. Our story begins last summer in June, man that seemed along time ago. As per usual I had set myself the task to lose some weight during the summer months; this determination had been shored up by some good weight loss over the winter/ spring. Now all this weight loss had been achieved with dieting, but I knew to get anywhere I'd have to do some exercise (NOOOOO!). My thoughts naturally turned to doing some jogging or perhaps going to the gym (HA!), that's when it all went wrong. Lying in my bed on this boiling Saturday afternoon (I had been up since 5 helping my Dad) I day dreamt about going to gym, getting some exercise you know weights, on the treadmill. Then I'd go and get a shower. Deep in this dream world, I'm busy washing myself, then in the corner of my eye I see two men having sex. Two big muscle bound butch guys (quite funny now I'd barely look at those type), one turns and asks if I'd want to join, I do... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wake up, snap out of it man (?). I'll spare you the grizzly details but let's say that I was "excited" (okay that sounds slutty). For 5 mins I was freaked out, I mean freaked out. I was like what the FUCK had gone on there? ...read more.

Middle

I was forcing myself not to look. This happened at school I felt myself looking at boys I fancied, this was (you guessed it) FREAKING ME OUT!!! I felt I needed someone to talk to, so I asked if anyone had any idea about Gay Youth Groups in Shepshed. Someone e-mailed me with a phone number to a helpline, the following "adventure" would lead to me posting this on the board: "Thanks for he number Craig, I owe you one. It felt weird ringing up. I've been thinking that I'm different before but it's always been at the back of my mind, the confines of those minutes when you look back on your past and see your future when your trying to sleep. However since I've subscribed to this list the thought that I'm gay has really been at the forefront of my mind. Sometimes I look round the classroom and I see which boys I fancy. I hear people bad mouth gays, knowing that 3 years ago I'd agreed with them (yes I know, I'm sorry), 2 years ago I'd o been aghast in a woolly liberal kind of way but that today their bad mouthing me. The most awkward time I had was when last Sunday I went Rugby. Now our changing rooms are really small, so we're squashed together, and this lad had his back to me, drying himself and I could see his arse dead straight in front of me of me (it was a nice one as well), I felt so awkward trying not to look. Anyway today armed with the telephone that Craig gave me, I went to ring the helpline up. Knowing I'd have to use a phone box (Quote from Dad "Me and your Mum will always love you, but if either of you are one of them, your out" love you too Dad). I offered to go shop for my Dad and he gave me some money for what he thought was sweets. ...read more.

Conclusion

I talked to Mr Smith about it, and I made a list in Maths about the pros and cons of telling her. In the pros there was a huge list and I could only think of one reason in the cons "I'm scared". I enter English not knowing what to do, and then I start down next to her and just COLLAPSED, literally I could barely talk and everything, Anna and I left and I told her and she said "So what?" (You know I really feel for poor Mr Smith, like both Mr Applewright and Anna knew/ had an inclining before they saw me. He was flying by the seat of his pants, poor guy), I was so startled I repeated it, we talked for a bit, then went back inside. To be honest I felt good, I still felt depressed, and I was also a bit worried about how she took it. However I spoke to Anna on the phone on the Wednesday and I really started to feel better. From there to now, I've had loads of ups and downs, but to be honest I'd rather not talk about them (so there!). The whole Anna knowing is pretty cool, someone who can tell things that you wouldn't tell a teacher (although I've not left much out of this, have I?), also when people are talking to you some funny situations come up that are sort of inside jokes. To be honest I've written this, as I was starting to get a bit freaked out everything, but this has really helped. I was just thinking about how will it work out? How will my parents react? Will they accept me? What will my first boyfriend look like? Will my parents be happy for us? Will I have one of those gay weddings? (er maybe not) Will it come out before I leave school? Will all my friends hate me if it does? And more importantly which dress will I wear this one or this one. At first I was afraid, I was petrified... ...read more.

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