I remember vividly how angry and bitter I felt when Farmer Lodge first brought her home, I felt so rejected and cast aside.
The jealousy I felt was overwhelming. I found it impossible to accept that Mr. Lodge had married such a young and pretty wife. However, I remember being unbearably curious to know what she looked like.
To this day I still wonder if that horrendous dream which I had might have been the cause of her awful wasting affliction. I recall the rumours which went around the village claiming that I was a witch and that I had cast the evil eye upon young Gertrude.
I found myself horrified by the possibility that it might actually be true that I could inflict this sort of thing upon folk without even knowing myself.
However, after getting to know Gertrude better, I felt terrible guilt, as she was extremely kind and generous both to my poor boy and myself. Deep down I also felt a small pleasure in knowing that Farmer lodge loved her last because of the disfigurement.
Young Gertrude often bought gifts for both my son Jack and myself; she was always very attentive to us.
I remember thinking how wrong I was to have judged her the way I did, ands the guilt I felt the withered was mentioned.
I used to sincerely hope that her arm would recover, Bu I never had the courage to tell her about my dream, or about my relationship with Farmer Lodge and that he was Jack's father; although she later learned the truth.
As Gertrude's deformity worsened, so did my guilt and regret that I ever judged her. She once asked me to visit a man which folk considered the sort of person who could liberate her of her burden. I happened to know whom this man was, and that he could tell Gertrude about the cause of her hardship.
I felt the trust and friendship myself and Jack had developed with Gertrude was in danger, but I went in the end as I legitimately liked her and wanted to do everything I could to help her in order to purge the guilt from my conscience.
I decided after that, for the sake of my sanity and for the sake of Jack, to move away from the heath. My company was being avoided and I felt it was the best thing to do. Gertrude and myself never saw each other until that terrible day.
Moving away proved to be yet another wrong turn I my life, Jack ran away and soon got into trouble. You know the rest of the story.
I was so foolish to have ever got involved with farmer Lodge or judge the innocent Gertrude. It has caused so much pain and suffering, and a procession of tragic events.
My worthy cousin, you are now all that I have left in this merciless world.
Yours Sincerely,
Rhoda
