Dear Diary,

I was sitting down on my grandma's knee and she was reading me a story, when the phone rang. I remember my grandma saying, "that's probably your dad, maybe she has given birth already!". I did not think that was fast, it was about four hours after my mum and dad went to hospital and those four hours were the longest for hours of my life. Sadly my dad was not calling with some good news, he called us to tell us something that I thought would never happen.

Instantly my grandmother started crying, she put down the phone and went to the toilet straight away, all I could hear was the loud crying. I had no idea what was going on, I was completely lost in my mind, as there were so many going through me at that moment.

After some time my grandmother came out the bathroom and told me she has some bad news. That moment I will remember until the day I will die, it is not forgettable; it is still fresh in my memory.

Do not think, that my grandmother told me straightaway, no, we had to go through that "now don't worry, this will not affect you in any way, and there is always another chance..." thing, before I actually found out. But the moment finally came, the moment when my grandmother had to tell me that my mother gave birth to a baby girl, but she was born dead. 'This is the worst day in my life', I thought. I could not believe it, I was shocked, and well I still am, although I am cooling down a bit. I did not understand why this happened to me I was very upset. Tears were coming out my eyes; I did not even want them to, as I didn't want my grandma to see me upset like that.

I felt this hatred to the whole world, I locked myself up in my room and that was it I did not want to eat, or speak to anybody, because they did try to speak to me. All the happiness that I felt at the start of the day has gone and that was it, I had to carry on living without the person that I had already fallen in love with.

After a while I had decided that not speaking to anyone and crying was not the solution to this problem and it certainly was not cheering up my family. So I decided to try being more understanding. For the rest of the day I tried to cheer up the rest of my family and comfort them.

When my mother came home, which was not that long after, she was so upset, that I could barely sit there and watch. I run out. I was sitting on the stairs, when I heard a sentence, which I shall never forget, it was my mum, she said, "This was suppose to be our child! we will never have a kid of our own", those were the exact words, that she used. I did not understand it at first. At that moment I felt like running, running far away from all the problems, but that is not what I was taught, I was taught the opposite, so I had to face them. As much as I didn't want to I walked downstairs, Everybody's faces went pale, like they saw a ghost, not me, supposedly a member of their family. "Marta!!! Where have you been, that you're sneaking up on us like that?!", said my dad trying to make it into a joke. I could not bring up what I have heard that day, not right there, not then, "I'll ask another day", I thought. I took a sweet and walked back up to my room.

I spent most of that day crying my eyes out, but I realised, that I have a special family and nobody could ever take their place, no matter if we're blood related or not. I never asked my parents if what they said was true, but when I started linking the stuff together, no birth certificate and no pictures of me as a newborn, made the situation quite obvious, I AM ADOPTED.

So many times in arguments I wanted to bring that subject up, but I could not, it would not pass through my throat, it may upset my parents. I never shared this information with anyone, apart from my diary and I am not planning to either. I will leave it for my parents to come up with it first, if they do not, I guess they will never know, that the secret is not only between them.

None of us spoke about the subject of my sister either, so I did not find out why this had happened, but now I can see a long life in front of me and this incident is not going to damage it. It sure left a big gap in my heart that nothing or no one is going to fill. That day is just mysterious for me and I think it would be better left unsolved.