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Dear Diary.

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Dear Diary, I've lived on this here ranch for many years now, and as a coloured man, I feel my life is nothing but the lowest of all. A white man's loneliness and hardship is nothing compared to a black man's isolation. I live here, all alone in my own room. The other men say that it's good to have your own room, where there ain't nobody else to disturb your own privacy. But, it's not like that. There ain't nothing good about it at all. A lonely life is what I live. By my own self, in my own bunk, with no one. I'm kept away from all the other men on this ranch, because of the prejudice against my coloured people. I have complained too many times about this injustice, but nobody would listen to the nigger speak. But, something funny happened today. Everything was the same as it always is on a Saturday evening. The white fellas out to town, leaving everything else silent, except the quiet echo of the horses, moving about restlessly. As usual, my crippled back, injured from that darn horse, began to throb with pain once again, so I took out my liniment and slowly began to massage the ache with my hands. ...read more.


There's no reason why this dream won't be the same. But... for some reason, I believe it could come true. It's just the enthusiasm I saw in Lennie when he was talking about it. Of course, I didn't hear much about the dream from Lennie. All he was on about was the animals and how he'd be taking care of them. Then, from outside, the sound of a horse whined, and halter chains clinked. I moved to the door painfully. I didn't realise my back hurt so much. I figured it could have been Slim. He sometimes comes into my room. It turned out to be Candy, the swamper. He old man is older than me, but in less pain. Lucky him. I invited him in though. Might as well anyways. Since everyone else was coming in. And also because I enjoyed the company... He came in and suddenly, it seemed as though all we were talking about was their dream. I was amazed at how real all of their hopes were. I masked my thoughts and pretended to be not interested. I questioned them about the dream, about the land and where would they get it. ...read more.


I had to rebuild another barrier, and in doing so, I abandoned my only escape out of here. I didn't think before I acted. But those words were the only thing on my mind at the time. And still I wonder why. I should probably forget about it though. I won't have another chance. Unless they asked me to... but that isn't really likely. White men asking a black man to work with them? Perhaps... but just not these men. Now, I'm rubbing my back once again, with the pink palm of my left hand, covered in liniment. With the desire to soothe the pain on the outside, as well as the pain inflicted inside. I'm thinking about this past night, this past year, my past life. I realised I ain't never been truly happy, have I? Never on this ranch, where I'm always singled out from everybody else, only 'cause I'm the only black man. I don't like anything on this ranch. Only 'til tonight I found one thing I liked. Friendship. But I don't have it. Not now, anyways, and probably not ever. I do like it though. I know I do. But all I can do is just sit here night after night, wondering about it. How it's like, how it'd be, but never experiencing the joy. Just... wondering. ...read more.

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