• Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

Describe the scene of a school lunch hall

Extracts from this document...


Describe the scene of a school lunch hall Condensation slides its way down the window, leaving behind it a ribbon of smooth, murky darkness. The sheer suffocating heat and humidity inside suggests the number of drenched bodies seeking refuge from the relentless onslaught of rain. In one corner, a single teacher loses the battle to restrain a group of shouting children and is swamped in a wave of uniformed bodies. Buzzing with anticipation, their instincts triggered by the promise of food, the mass of children charges past him into the canteen. Dragging back some small measure of control, he finally manages to stem the flow and continues to thin out the crowd at a steadier pace with many jealous glances towards the table where several of his fellow teachers lounge, indulging in a few sweet, children-free minutes. ...read more.


She is clearly used to this type of bullying, and she continues her meal in silence. Finally bored with watching their comments bounce off the girl without effect, the group turn their attention to a table surrounded by an invisible force field apparently coming from its dozen or so occupants. This group seems to reject any lesser being that attempts to come within three feet of their sacred ground. This creates a ring of admirers who look up to the mixture of reputation and charisma within. Those teenagers within this bubble of admiration seem to have no intention of letting any others into the group. Enough gold and fake diamonds to replicate the entire crown jewels covers the same uniforms that seem to repel any similar attempt by any other pupil. ...read more.


For once the whole student body is united in hilarity, all eagerly scanning the three-hundred or more people for the guilty party. The culprit (a minute, year seven boy) stands next to the offending pile of broken china and, as several of the older students begin to whoop, proceeds to flush a deep red as he prays for an escape from the blinding spotlight. Unfortunately, the hole in the ground fails to appear for him as it has failed so many others in similar situations and he is left at the mercy of hundreds of delighted teenagers. Finally, the yells subside, quelled by steely glances from several of the teachers, and they are replaced by the ominous tinny chime of the bell, forcing all the children out into the merciless rain. ...read more.

The above preview is unformatted text

This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe section.

Found what you're looking for?

  • Start learning 29% faster today
  • 150,000+ documents available
  • Just £6.99 a month

Here's what a star student thought of this essay

5 star(s)

Response to the question

This is an excellent Writing to Describe piece, where the candidate opts to describe the events of a school canteen during a brief break period. There is evidence of a very competent GCSE student here, with every indication of a ...

Read full review

Response to the question

This is an excellent Writing to Describe piece, where the candidate opts to describe the events of a school canteen during a brief break period. There is evidence of a very competent GCSE student here, with every indication of a good level of description consistent throughout. The candidate utilises many linguistic devices including a plethora of strong adjectives and metaphors in order to describe the event. The essay is also nicely structured, offering readers a seamless transition between perfectly-augmented paragraphs (each being roughly similar size and leading onto one another - the only irk here is the lack of range in discourse markers).

Level of analysis

The Level of Description shown by this candidate is indicative of the highest grade boundaries, achieving much of the mark scheme's targets such as "candidate writes with flair and enthusiasm" and "a diverse range of linguistic devices are used". They can expect to achieve an A* for GCSE for this work. The candidate confidently and effortlessly includes metaphors and similes that do not feel forced or clich├ęd at all, showing the examiner they can use basic linguistic devices for effect, but they then use anthropomorphism (personification) and possibly even pathetic fallacy as they progress, all of which combine to make a very strong essay that makes for a thoroughly interesting read; one that I have no doubt will stand out to examiners even when they have marked dozens of similar essays.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication here is exception. A wide range of vocabulary has been used and applied appropriately so that the essay remains flowing and coherent. The use of grammar and punctuation is proficient and there is no cause for concern with regards to spelling either. An exceptionally well-expressed essay.

Did you find this review helpful? Join our team of reviewers and help other students learn

Reviewed by sydneyhopcroft 17/07/2012

Read less
Not the one? Search for your essay title...
  • Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

See related essaysSee related essays

Related GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe essays

  1. It was all one big nightmare

    I saw Chris get out, then my dad. Hang on there was someone missing. No it doesn't matter she'd just nipped to the corner shop or something. At this point everything seemed to be in slow motion. It wasn't for a second (that seemed to last a minute)

  2. Descriptive Essay - Childhood Scene

    The water level rose up to my neck, I shivered. It was so cold. I felt like I couldn't breath. Although, as I began to swim lengths of the pool, my body soon adjusted to the temperature of the blue salty pool water.

  1. Fantasy Dinner Party

    They both took a glass of wine and then took a seat at the table. There were still two people who hadn't arrived, 50 Sent and Vida Guerra. Surprisingly, The Game and Jeremy Clarkson started to talk to each other, I then started to talk to Thierry about football.

  2. Our Journey to the New World.

    It was late in the afternoon on the fourth day when Martha saw them. At first they were tiny specks bobbing up and down far out on the plains. "They're on horseback," said Laura. The scouts rushes up shouting, "Circle the wagons!"

  1. The Jerry Show.

    And there were a million other people needing a job. No, Jerry would keep his mouth shut. He was one of those shy, nerdly types. No ambition. No drive. Barely enough get-up-and-go to bathe regularly. Okay, so maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, but still.

  2. The Crash

    "Sorry- "Please, help me look for them. They can't..." "They can't what?" "Swim." Paul walked off from Clive, feeling sick with fear for his children. Deep down he knew his children's fate. Paul continued on walking along the stretch of beach until Clive and the five other male survivors of the crash caught up with him.

  1. 5 minute job, fictional story, Descriptive

    The thought alone was nauseating. However, Mr Brennon was holding a very large piece of what looked like blank card but could have been paper i'm still not sure. My imagination wasn't trained at that age so it wasn't the best as I could only think that he could possibly want someone to cut it out into smaller pieces.

  2. Writing to narrate - Not What It Seems.

    I knew what was coming. She came up to me, my hand in hers. But I couldn't feel her warm hands, which I felt every time I was ill and she used to stroke my forehead. All I could feel was the cold, hard ring.

  • Over 160,000 pieces
    of student written work
  • Annotated by
    experienced teachers
  • Ideas and feedback to
    improve your own work