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Describing Canada - geography, food and language.

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  • Essay length: 693 words
  • Submitted: 10/01/2012
  • Reviewed by: (?) sydneyhopcroft
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GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe

Peer review rating

4 star(s)

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The first 200 words of this essay...

Today, I brought Ketchup Chips and Canada Dry. Ketchup Chips are a Canadian invention and can only be found in Canada. Canada dry is also a Canadian invention and once again can only be found in Canada, however it has spread to many of the Eastern States of the USA like New York and Ohio. Other countries just have "gingerale". Canadian cuisine varies widely depending on each place you visit. The national food of Canada is poutine and butter tarts. Maple Syrup, Beaver Tails, and Canadian Bacon are some of the very popular cuisines Canada offers.

The official national anthem of Canada is as we all know "Oh Canada". This has been Canada's National Anthem since 1967. Every school in the nation must stand up for the playing of Oh Canada every morning. Before Oh Canada, "God Save The Queen" (Which is currently Britain's national anthem) was the national Anthem of Canada, however in the 1960's it was changed to Oh Canada because the parliament believed it had more significance to Canada. Canada is also home to many famous successful music artists such as Justin Bieber, Drake and Avril Lavinge.

Canada has adapted two national languages,

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Review of essay

Reviewed by: sydneyhopcroft

Rating: 4 star(s)

Response to the question

This is a Writing to Inform task and the candidate here concentrates on informing readers about Canada. The answer is brief and comments on a range of different facts about the country, whilst also adding their own personal insight on occasion, which helps colour in what would otherwise be a very informal piece of writing fit for a brochure of some description. However, there is plenty of room for improvement

Level of analysis

In terms of Analysis (or Information), I would like to have seen a more interesting opener. The Geography of Canada is probably the most important and thus should really be the opening topic of information - not some breezy fact about a certain crisps being exclusive to Canada (after all, people do not go to Canada just for crisps). So it could be said that the structure of this piece needs re-working quite substantially, as the most important facts are in the wrong order for an appropriate information brochure. This loses the candidate marks because it does not show an awareness of the intended audience, which is something all Writing tasks require because the suitability of the register, language and content must be compatible with the audience.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication (QWC) is very basic and contains numerous grammatical errors, and therefore this answer cannot gain very high QWC marks. I recommend reading and re-reading every paragraph written to check for spelling.grammatical errors to ensure that the QWC is of a high standard because if the sentence structure or spelling becomes ambiguous and the examiner cannot read the answer as intended, then this also compromises marks for Response to Question and Level of Analysis. I would also recommend using a variety of more complex punctuation points like colons, semi-colons and parentheses, to show that you are a confident writer who has an adept grasp of how to properly punctuate your writing.

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