• Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

Descriptive Writing Of A Beach

Extracts from this document...

Introduction

DESCRIPTIVE WRITING - FIRST DRAFT The, enclosed, beach is silent. The bright ball blinds you as it emerges; it rises like a yellow lollipop on the distant horizon. Crashing against the shore, small waves wash the night's debris onto the land. Untouched golden sand covers the floor as far as your eyes can see. Soothing, a gentle sea breeze rustles through your hair. Beach shops prepare for their day of excited costumers bustling in and out of their small seafront shops. Opening their doors, they bring out all of there beach products looking out to the sea you can see the large cruise ships on the worlds edge. Abandoned, nothing there apart from a few sea gulls pecking at the rubbish left by yesterday's visitors. ...read more.

Middle

Sandwiches, cold drinks, wind breakers, towels all bagged up and slung over both shoulders. A hot sea breeze rushes through the visitor's hair, as you stand there you can taste the salt in the air because it is so strong. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore, seagulls swooping overhead and the strong scent of sun screen surrounds the beach. The beachgoers spring as their feet hit the blistering sand. Sitting there for hours, playing with the sand; children giggle as their sand castles are overtaken by powerful crashing waves. The sand cushions the landing for a teenager diving to make his shot in the volleyball tournament. Excitement buzzes around the pitch as the ball is repeatedly, majestically played back over the net. ...read more.

Conclusion

Parents sit there relaxing lazily on the sandy seashore reading their invigorating books. Foamy mist from the ocean lightly sprays onto their face like the touch of a feather. Gigantic sand castles are left standing free, glistening in the sun like diamond rings. Waves are crashing onto land as the distant sun descends like it is sinking into the water. People laugh and giggle as their day come to an end. A muddle of colours in the sky as the sun sets. A young couple sit up on the cliffs edge watching the sun set. Once again the beach is empty with the rubbish of the visitors. The rubbish almost decorates the floor of the beach, different colours shapes and sizes. Lonely and quiet the beach is still and silent. Only the light sound of waves crashing against the soft sand. ?? ?? ?? ?? Jack Plows 10SH 2ND Draft Descriptive Coursework ...read more.

The above preview is unformatted text

This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe section.

Found what you're looking for?

  • Start learning 29% faster today
  • 150,000+ documents available
  • Just £6.99 a month

Here's what a star student thought of this essay

4 star(s)

Response to the question

This candidate's response to this Writing to Describe task is a very competent one that uses a number of descriptive techniques in order to convey the strong imagery of a fictional beach. There is a wide range of linguistic techniques ...

Read full review

Response to the question

This candidate's response to this Writing to Describe task is a very competent one that uses a number of descriptive techniques in order to convey the strong imagery of a fictional beach. There is a wide range of linguistic techniques used, including simile, metaphor and personification, though in some parts the impact is lost due to a poor understanding of the needs for commas (comma splice e.g. - using commas when there is no need). I would recommend candidates ensure this does not happen, as at GCSE Level, candidates are expected to allow their descriptions to flourish without being hindered by poor Quality of Written Communication.

Level of analysis

The Level of Description is very good, and shows a candidate indicative of a Grade B for GCSE. The candidate uses a wide range of sentence structures, lexical choices and linguistic devices in order to create the imagery of the serenity of a beach. Throughout the answer there is a good control over adjectives - a few candidates often overload their sentences with complex descriptions that can often weigh-down the sentences and stunt the fluidity, but this candidate remains in control throughout.

As mentioned, the only gripe I do have is the sometimes incorrect application of punctuation. This limits the effectivity of the discourse and the candidate, as stated above, should rectify this.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication is reasonably good, although again I stress the need to ensure that comma splice does not ruin the impact of the essay, which otherwise is really very good. There is no other cause for concern with regard to spelling and grammar.


Did you find this review helpful? Join our team of reviewers and help other students learn

Reviewed by sydneyhopcroft 28/08/2012

Read less
Not the one? Search for your essay title...
  • Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

See related essaysSee related essays

Related GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe essays

  1. the beach

    The waves rushed towards me. I dived into one of them and awoke from the trance imposed on me by the sun. The Ocean represented an escape, new beginnings and adventure. What things lay on the other side? What lay in its depths I thought.

  2. Personal and Imaginative writing:"A Spark Of Light"

    She was there, lying in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I felt like a spark of light hit me and I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever.

  1. Fire In The Sky

    I was sharply grabbed and thrown onto the slab. I was striped down to just my underwear. The cold dark stares on the alien's faces told me they did not feel any emotion. I felt humiliated, scared, tormented. I had no idea what was going on. There was an elder alien.

  2. "Begin With The End In Mind"

    Begin with the End in Mind means to begin each day or task with a clear understanding of your desired direction and destination. By keeping that end in mind you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as

  1. The Silent Witness?

    A strange and sudden drowsiness came over me, my arm became all numb. It felt as though someone was trying to prevent me from seeing what horrors lay outside.

  2. English Coursework - Moral Dilemma

    The sun had almost disappeared and an eerie atmosphere began to develop. The sky had turned dark, and the stars had been separated completely by a thick blanket. The fields nearby were beginning to feel empty since there were no trees or bushes, just plain grass.

  1. Work experience

    Monday finally came, as I sat on the bus at 8.20am, the nerves soon reappeared. For the next 40 minutes, I sat there thinking about what it would be like, but soon acknowledged that the majority of my year was in the same position as I was.

  2. 5 minute job, fictional story, Descriptive

    Having a few mates who had recently left school I had heard all sorts of rumours about this situation. Supposedly one of the jobs you were made to do unwillingly was to take the teacher's half eaten dinner back to the canteen because they were too lazy to do it for themselves.

  • Over 160,000 pieces
    of student written work
  • Annotated by
    experienced teachers
  • Ideas and feedback to
    improve your own work