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Diary of Eva Smith.

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Introduction

Diary of Eva Smith Ayla Schafer 2nd November 1910 Dear Diary, For the first time in my life things seemed to be looking on the bright side and then, just like usual, it was torn away from me by a selfish, ignorant Mr.Birling. I had been doing well at the works, had only recently been promoted as the leading officer, a head of a group of girls. I was in charge of them and got to know them well, there was Betty, Martha, Lucy, Agatha, Emma, Vicky and quite a few others. Martha's the nicest. She's an orphan, like me so I guess Well, during the short holiday in the summer, we got talking about our wages and how most of us were barely scraping by on the measly 22 & 6pence we got. I mean we were only just surviving and its no good just being able to survive, we wanted to live! Other people do so why cant we! So seeing as we shouldn't be treated as cheap labour, but people we decided to go to Mr.Birling himself and ask for 15 shillings instead. But as he is mean and penny pinching he refused blankly. Said he wouldn't even consider it! After that it only gets worse. Stupid as we were we went on strike hoping that that would show him but of course how could we manage having just been on holiday. We were all even more broke then usual, so the strike having failed miserably we had no choice but to go back to the works. But No! It wasn't as simple as that, life never is. ...read more.

Middle

I'm always punished just for trying to survive that little bit better, just for trying to live and be happy like others do. But it seems to me that that is not allowed. I am not allowed to have a happy decent life without suffering and pain. I must continue like this until I die. Always losing everything I ever have, every person who's ever loved me, every job that's bought me something good. I feel as if every fibre of my being is slowly being selfishly pulled away until there will be nothing left apart from cold hard heart that believes in nothing and nobody. The day I become like that is the day I can no longer carry on. If death has not reached me by then, I will have to bring it to me my self. But not yet, I will know when I have reached that point but I still have my heart and my head and as long as I have that I'll be o.k. Well, in case you haven't realized I no longer have that comforting, well-paid, long-term job. Everything was going fine there, or so I thought, I was just beginning to settle down nicely and then suddenly out of the blue I was told I'd have to go. They didn't have a reason, and the admitted that! All I know is that a customer complained and so I had to leave. Can you honestly believe that? Someone complained - so I had to go! Did they not realise what they are doing to me by doing that? No, probably not. ...read more.

Conclusion

My heart that was before life pumping, warm source of love is now an empty, lifeless, stone cold cauldron. Gerald was the world to me and now he's gone I am lost, floating in an empty dark space, lonely and confused. I have almost lost the will to live any more. Its funny how I used to be scared of death, but now it is almost comforting. I know it would take me to a place where no one can hurt me any more, no one can punish me and make me lose the things that meant most to me. I would be safe from all the suffering in the world, and would finally join the people that loved me most. But for the mean time all I know is that I must get away. I must leave Brumley for a while and come back when I am ready. I do not know where I am going, somewhere near the seaside maybe. Somewhere where I can breathe and decide what I shall do next. I fear though, that I may have finally reached the end. I have lost my heart and soul and I always said to myself that when I reached this point I would know I have nothing left to carry on living for. Maybe I will have to return to bar and go back to my old life I had before I met Gerald, or maybe I will die of a broken heart. I do not know. I know he loved me, even only for a little while but those few months were the best I have ever had and I thank him for that. I hope he will flourish in the world and maybe the small part of me that I gave him will too. Eva ...read more.

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