I was being handed over to someone, there was loads of cheering and screaming going on, but I couldn’t see anything. I felt like screaming too at the time, saying “Quick unwrap me, cant wait to meet you too mummy!”
There! I saw her face for the first time, the mum of my dreams. She informed me that her name was Julie. Awww, what a sweet name it was, she seemed so perfect – I wanted to scream at the top of my voice. I wanted her to see how content I was. I wished the happiness would to show on my face. I thanked God for granting me what I had always wanted, couldn’t have hoped for anything more!
That night, she gave me a new name. I felt as if I had an original identity, which was different to anyone else. I felt so wanted and loved. My name was Ella, and I didn’t want this to end.
Slowly, we both started to get to know each other properly. My mum stayed with me in her room for most of the day, we would do all sorts of fun activities like colouring, painting, drawing and talking. I can never forget when we watched a horror film on something called a home projector, it looked so real when the scary bits came; Julie was so frightened, she would grab me and hold me tight. Unknowingly, she scratched my whole arm throughout the film, by the end of the gruesome movie, my arm was so sore, it hurt when she touched me. The activity I adored the most was when we both went for a walk in the morning once, after having breakfast while it was sub-zero outside. Julie made me wear every outdoor garment I can think of before we left the house. We went round the area we lived in while talking about several different subjects. When we reached home, she was out of breath like she had been running but I obviously was not tired – possibly because I don’t know how it feels to walk as I’m always lying on a surface or in a buggy. I’ve always thought that people in this world are so clever to have made things like buggies for every sized person, a petite buggy for people my size and a massive buggy for people a bit bigger than me called ‘babies’. Isn’t it ever so weird? The fact that people my sized are treated like were some kind of toys and people called ‘babies’ are treated like they’re a pretty, precious pearl. However, because Julie was thirsty when we got home, she assumed I was dehydrated too so she handed me my bottle while she had her diluted drink. I realised my liquid was water so it didn’t really have much taste. She kept giving it to me every minute and would literally force it down my throat. I realised later, that it was one of the accessories that was provided with me. Julie obviously did not have the knowledge that my case was different to hers. The water she made me drink went straight down my body and came out the bottom as my so called ‘urine’. I wet myself as she gave me so much to drink. I didn’t think I could ever be angry at her though since she fetched my nappies and changed me so carefully so that I wouldn’t get hurt, I felt smooth and dry again. I had no doubt that I had the most amazing mum in the whole universe.
It had been a long day and I felt really exhausted. Julie understood me so well. She picked me up and patted me on the back while singing a lullaby until I fell asleep.
I was overwhelmed by the end of that day, I had got to know her so well, her likes and dislikes, her favourite films and people. I loved it so much I kept pinching myself to see if I was dreaming because I had a feeling all this happiness was going to end soon.
I woke up the next day, Julie introduced me to her other friends. They were the same height as me and could do similar things to me. They didn’t look very happy and were not at all welcoming. She left me with them while she went to eat so that we get to know each other.
This is when things seemed to change. Julie’s friends scared me. They told me I wouldn’t be Julie’s favourite for long. They informed me that they were all once in my place but soon got replaced by someone new. They told me that I should enjoy being loved so much because it was going to end very soon.
They screamed at me and swore at Julie for treating them the way she did but they never told me how she treated them, just kept on saying “Wait and See”.
I knew they were bullying me just because Julie wasn’t there and the fact that there were loads of them and one of me, so they felt they could gang up on me.
I didn’t want to believe them, but the state they were kept in, made me seem worried. They were put in a box labelled ‘OLD TOYS’ with a black marker. The toys she had in them were not in a good condition either, some of them had their hands broken and some had their legs missing.
Finally, Julie came and rescued me from the bullies, she was really happy and excited but I didn’t really know why. How can I forget? Julie had mentioned that New Years was coming up and was saying how much she was looking forward to it. But, I never knew that this New Years was going to change my life forever.
Every night, after Julie brushed her teeth and put on her pyjamas, she would talk to me and express her feelings and emotions as well as reading me a bedtime story. It was really cosy and interesting just listening to her. The night before New Years, she sat down to talk to me, only this time it wasn’t the same. Julie told me that she was so excited, she had even thought of her new toy’s name. She told me she couldn’t wait to meet Polly.
Polly?? Who was Polly? I thought to myself but I never said anything because I didn’t want to break my mum’s heart after observing how cheerful she was.
My mum was over the moon, I had never seen her happy like this for a long time, the last time I saw her like this was when she opened me up on Christmas day. Unfortunately, that was the first and last time I had seen her so happy.
I was so glad that Julie was happy but I was sad because Julie’s happiness wasn’t for me. At that time, I thought “Oh no! Is this true or is it just a nightmare!”
I realised Julie’s friends were right! I was not going to be the favourite for very long.
I lay in bed that next morning, Julie had gone without even saying “Happy New Year Ella!”
I didn’t want to know where because deep down I knew where she had gone but I tried to avoid it!
The door bell rang and I heard Julie screaming and laughing, she was back. Back with Polly! I wished Polly had died on the way or been kidnapped but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.
Julie had been back for a while know, where was she? She still hadn’t come to see me, see if I was ok? I felt sick and wanted to cry, what had I done wrong? Why was I unwanted all of a sudden?
After some time, Julie walked in to the room holding her new doll, Polly in her arms. She was so pretty and new unlike me! Wonder why Julie wanted to replace me? I wasn’t new anymore! But is that what happens, you get old in a few weeks then get replaced, does that happen to Julie too? When she gets a few days old, her mum (my grandmother) disowns her and adopts someone new, the way Julie has.
Julie introduced me to Polly and said all the fine things about Polly but nothing decent about me to Polly. That wasn’t fair! Polly gave me a nasty look but Julie was so wrapped up in her, I knew she wouldn’t see it. Soon after, she left leaving me behind on my own. Why couldn’t she take me with her? I would have begged Polly to be my friend even though she didn’t want to be.
That was it! From then on, my life turned to misery. I was moved from place to place without care, wasn’t fed for days – even water would have tasted nice then and I hadn’t been changed. I felt dirty, unclean and couldn’t even sleep because Julie and me wouldn’t talk anymore at night. She would talk to Polly instead of me now. I could hear them from wherever I was left previously in Julie’s room.
Everyday, I woke up to a new place. Sometimes in Julie’s toy box with the rest of her unwanted friends or sometimes under her bed with a thick layer of dust all over me!
I felt abandoned and betrayed. I had no one to talk to and share my feelings with. I was so disrespected and I wanted to die! I feel so embarrassed to say what she did to me next because I feel ashamed to have loved a person so much, who could do this to me!
Just to make Polly laugh, Julie cut all my hair off, so that I looked dreadful. She stuck tattoos on my face and pierced holes in my body with a sharp pen. She even put a pillow on top of me and started punching it. I couldn’t breathe and was in so much pain!
I had never been treated so terribly. The other day, Julie got a screwdriver and poked it in my right eye to impress Polly. My eye sunk into my face and then she forced me to eat mud from the garden. I closed my mouth tight but she dug her two fingers right in to my mouth and stuck in a large chunk of mud. I wanted to commit suicide.
That was when I knew I was better off sitting on the top of a shop shelf!
Now Julie is moving houses and I’m not part of her life anymore, as I’m sitting in a black bag, unable to see anything, unable to breathe. I feel suffocated. My breath is getting shorter, and I’m getting really scared. I know these are my final moments, and I’m so unprepared. Soon I’ll be crushed into a million pieces in the rubbish truck. It’s better than the experience I have already had. The only toy going with Julie to her new house is not me, neither Polly! Mandy’s her new best friend now, if only I could tell her, its not going to last too long…
