“Stupid, stupid religion. Where is God when I need him the most?” I had been in the toilets for about fifteen minutes now trying to get Jamie’s voice out of my head, but to no avail. The words echoed and imprisoned my autonomy. “Oh I’ll get you boy… you can be sure of that, I’ll get you”. On the brink of collapsing, I whispered “Allahu Akbar”. I could now feel my parents circulating me, as if their strength were my silhouette, a nebulous barrier without substance. As I felt this sense of security, I cautiously strolled to the lunch hall. I wasn’t even hungry; I just used it as a way to extricate my thoughts from reality.
As the bell rang for the beginning of the fourth period I ran through the ‘Lonsdale’ corridor in hope I could evade the year elevens who refer to me as the “the terrorist” or “Bin Laden”. Some would see this as a false hope as I will have to go all the way around the gym where they will be smoking their cigarettes. I covered my eyes with the whole of my palm, please G..ggod.
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He has asked me why but to be honest, I don’t really know myself; it’s just a sort of ego boost. He has done nothing to merit what the lads and I do to him, well apart from him being black, and to be honest that is suffice to beat him up. He is one of the few black kids in the school thankfully. ‘Cos he’s in our year we can just get away with saying it was a fight and not racism. Notihng would happen anyway, everyone hates black people. I don’t really believe in karma, well, if it were true, I’m sure I would be a cripple by now.
There was one time where I truly believe we all overstepped the mark. He was swiftly jogging past the gym, for once it looked like he had a purpose, but it was most likely just to avoid us. We were all drinking, it was a Thursday and it was Adrian’s turn to get the vodka. I felt slightly dizzy but I was probably able to come to my senses for next lesson. Jay on the other hand was completely wrecked. He walked, or should I say stumbled over to the black kid only to find him breaking down in tears holding his new phone out saying “just take it, I can’t handle this anymore”. I thought this was slightly exaggerating; we would have probably pushed him about, that’s all. The whole group laughed, apart from me. I felt some form of remorse; it was though I could feel my ego sadistically thrashing against my stomach lining. It was like butterflies but the sensation wasn’t a reassuring one, trust me.
His rigid body lay there innocently as a constant reminder of what just happened. Although the attack wasn’t anything more severe than the others, we just all seemed to know something was wrong. In this cataclysm our senses seemed to enhance. It was then an awkward silence, to say the least, broke out and everyone could vividly feel the gentle breeze of the wind brush their cheek. The colossal surroundings were as still as a flower but enclosed us on the scene. Not a single word passed, we all stood there impassive and in denial about the travesty that emerged out of nowhere.
It took about four minutes for the punctual ambulance to arrive. The fusion of chaotic sirens and blue lights added to the pandemonium. It was then we all knew, even a professional couldn’t hold back that poignant face of despondency. Putting it in terms we can relate with, the doctors compared the likes of Mals death to that of Anne Franks. “People without the will to live seem to fade away at the most optimistic of times” He just gave up on life. Immediately the thought of my dead brother erupted into my head and was so indomitable I wasn’t able to think about anything else. A shadow of shame engulfed me internally. “I’m not a murderer, I didn’t do it” my conscience whispered but screamed at the same time... I broke down, please G..ggod.
Malkir Sudah, may Allah bless over you and rain down his love from the kingdom of paradise. Although you were wrongly taken from this world, we hope it’s to a better place. You were of paramount importance to this family Mal, and there is an eerie silence in your absence. We will continue to obey and follow in the footsteps of the virtuous prophet Muhammed, peace be upon him. God’s love was flourished into every being of mankind, including that of the boys who stole your life. Allahu Akbar.
(Hemin Sudah) – Fathers Concluding speech at funeral