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English- Original Writing (How Grave Am I)

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Original Writing How grave I am, for sprouting the seed of my loins, little knowing the ill fate that you would ultimately suffer, my son. If I was able to gather my thoughts and brag to how life was golden, I wouldn't be able to, as your life ended as soon as it started in a way, as you were not even given the opportunity to live it; now you leave me with a loneliness feeling like a long descent into nothingness - I am empty. No justice, no peace, the pain and suffering have forcibly left me unable to eat or sleep; as with each passing moment I cannot stop thinking about you and missing you. The attempts to block out this ache have been in vain because of the fact that I cannot and will not stop thinking about you and that day. Let's face it; my own guilt has been the driving force behind my state now. My ignorance was your downfall and I blame myself; now you are up there with your head in the clouds looking over me, a broken man. You're looking over me and seeing that the one father you used to look up to has been influenced into an all but complete state of insanity since I am now finding myself sitting in a room as dark as where this nightmare lives within me. ...read more.


But, I had to respect that an unwritten chapter had began for him, until that fateful day. All I could imagine what had happened was that the memories of his smile and his face filled with bliss had reverted into a shadowy face, which showed his emotions in a whirlwind of his worst nightmares. I'm left to dwell over, why did it not happen to me? I got introduced to heartbreak on that day. I was so proud of him, when he was alive he had the heart of a lion, however I suspect on that day, he had that heart trod on and spat out by his own fear. I blame myself. If it hadn't been for my own ignorance and plain stupidity, he would still be here right now. If I had not argued with him that morning, then it may not have happened. Over an insignificant argument, he went to college that day and didn't want to come back home, and paid for it, as did I. It is so unjust; it reminds us, of just how worthless our lives are to the justice system. When will scum like this get off the streets? Getting caught up in someone else's business is the worst way to die - dying from crossfire of bullets during a petty gang war. How could this happen? He was only seventeen in a mad man's dream and an innocent boy's nightmare. ...read more.


God and death are similar; they both come forth to carry you home, so I thank you God for that. However, there is another face to God and death; it's a velvet cloak, impossible to resist thus disguising the revealing truth that being with gods in the clouds can bring such misery and sadness to the people below them that can break down any man. I ask you God, why did have to be him? I wish it was me now. I wish it was my soul resting up there. Hope is sometimes all we have and that is when people look to you God. But, you always give people false hope as the truth is, you have the grimmest face, like a carved mask and all you bring to people is misery and sorrow as sad as seeing your own son die. Coping is something I am unable to do. My state is one of insanity and it's been expressed in this entry. To end my son, your spirit will always live on in the memory and I will endeavour to not let your death phase me, and I will live my life in peace and harmony. I will never forget the times we had together, even though we drifted more and more apart, I still can never forget your face at that young age, so full of hope and promise. I love you. - Your Dad. ?? ?? ?? ?? ...read more.

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