English Short Story Coursework

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Year 10 GCSE course work

Short story 

Lance eagerly watched the balcony like a hawk which had caught sight of its prey, he was sitting beside the fire place with a rifle clutched firmly in his hands, and he knew they were coming. On the outside he looked calm however on the inside was a different story, his heart was racing and his lungs were suffocating, he knew his life was drawing to an end. Lance sat motionless, not one muscle in his body moved and it appeared as though he had already been killed. Although his expression remained very simple, his brain on the contrary was as jumbled as a jigsaw: he was wracking every nerve and cell deviating plans and escape manoeuvres that might hopefully secure his life but they were nothing more than just theories.

Lance remained still keeping his movements to a minimum, the fire place began to crackle and feint sparks appeared as the wood began to singe, he pondered deep into his thoughts almost unaware of his surroundings, so it would appear. A chandelier hung above his head, it shimmered vibrantly in the fire light and it almost created a peaceful atmosphere but Lance knew carnage was just around the corner…possibly closer. Lance had remained in the same position for hours on end, he was sat upon a chair and much like the rest of his furniture it was priceless. The chair had a soft velvet texture, had been embroidered with silk and had been encrusted with jewels although the chair had appeared very conspicuous and elegant; it was causing Lance to have second thoughts about his next move. The chair had constricted Lance like a boa suffocating every last breath out of its prey, he could have risen if he wished to do so but he knew that if he moved the slightest muscle, they would know he was there…

Lance could not physically see his enemies but he could sense their presence, they were everywhere, stalking him as though they were birds of prey and they knew Lance had no chance of escaping and so did he. Crash! He had risen to his feet and had knocked the chair of its legs; it had landed precisely so that the rifle he placed behind it was fully concealed. He sprinted towards the balcony window, the adrenalin was pumping vigorously through his veins, they did not know what Lance was doing and neither did he, swoosh! A dagger was hurtling towards him a immeasurable speeds, the sheer sound of the knife as it sped through the air was sharp enough to pierce steel, the dagger plunged into Lance’s shoulder…he fell. Blood began to spurt from the wound, seeping into his clothes and staining every thread it passed, the balcony doors were flung open and the enemies who had been engulfed by the night for so long had now become visible. The cloaked figures approached, there were three of them, their faces may have been concealed but their objectives were crystal clear… Lance Powers was to be assassinated.    

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With the dagger firmly entrenched in his left shoulder Lance was almost paralysed, his heart stopped pumping blood and began pumping fear into every vital organ in his body and within in an instance his face began to turn pale. The cloaks of the hooded figures rustled against the carpet, they moved slowly but had a certain element of pride in their struts, and they moved as graceful as swans but were burdened with a malevolent task. The three of them stood directly above Lance, towering above him they watched him squirm for his life (so it appeared) and ...

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This essay is very effective in invoking the danger and pace of a dramatic and threatening scenario. Imagery is used effectively: the chair as a boa constrictor and other strong similes. Pace is well managed, with the exception that the punctuation is rather loose in parts, causing some breaks in the otherwise well-controlled sentence structure. There is some inappropriate lexical usage, such as the homophone "feint" instead of "faint". 4 stars