English speaking and writing assessment the stress factors that affect teenagers

Review of essay

Rating: 3 star(s)

Response to the question

The task set here is a Writing to Argue task, and the candidate makes a well-structured argument for the pressures of teenage life to be considered by those that often overlook it. There main target is parents, and although this example is subjected to intergenerational changes, it would not be right to assume that they are completely clueless as to some of the stresses that face the younger generation - they have, after all, gone through something similar even if a long time ago. I(t would also be a good idea to consider not branding them "obnoxious" and "oblivious" if the apparent disclaimer at the beginning of the answer didn't say that the answer wouldn't be a "rant" from a "stroppy teenager, as that is what this effectively spirals into. It should be advised that candidates must not contradicts themselves as this loses the potency of the argument.

Level of analysis

The Level of effective arguing here is moderate, though a lot is not as effective as it could be due to a miscomprehension of what are required in arguments. There is a poor use of statistics, which is quite counter-productive, if anything, and paints teenagers is a very bad light. A better one focusing on maybe how many stress-related illnesses are diagnosed in young adults between the ages of 13 and 19 might have been more appropriate. Other parts of the analysis that could be improved are the use of voice of authority. These don't necessarily need to be factual, but they strengthen an argument on the basis that it looks like the candidate has conducted external research and has consulted a professional on the matter of the argument.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication (QWC) is average, and there does not seem to be a very good grasp of how to coherently construct a sentence that follow grammatical standards. This should be rectified by practising how to write a variety of sentence lengths with a variety of complex punctuation. This will help show the examiner more confidence and enthusiasm for written expression and will improve the QWC mark.